Dean wrote:
KenLee,
I couldn't agree more. I second the nomination of Cujo as LD party chairman. I will be at LA 9/2 so I will see you there. I was going to recommend we barbeque on LD (Mon) some hotdogs but there has been a lot of talk about them causing cancer. So, let's just hang out, drink, and smoke some cigars

.
Now, is it safe to walk from LA to SL or do I need to take a taxi? If so, how much is it and do I tip the driver?
What time does the train come by because I don't see any crossing lights or protective gates (just in case I need to get some diacort from the pharmacy)?
Across from Hotel Vesuvio, does that little stray black watchdog for the swingers club, bite? Or, work at the airport during the day?
I have heard that there are times when a beautiful latina gets out of a taxi, hands her ID to the desk, and enters the hotel. Is she in charge of the ecotours or the concierge? Where is her desk?
If 5 Colombian guys with guns come at me should I ask them about the cien for the Colombianas at the HDR, or, is that not the right time? Can I ask them in English or do I need to learn Spanish?
Any info would be appreciated.

Dean
Ah Dean, so many questions. Let me help.
First of all, it is not at all safe to travel the 1.5 blocks from Hotel la Ami-Stud to the Spurting Men's Lodge. Unless of course you are accompanied by an armed guard. A taxi, particularly a "pirata" will be your best choice. The fare should be somewhere between 600 and 1000 cloonies (that's the local currency, you know) which equals about a buck-fitty. No, you don't have to tip the driver, but you can offer him a strong drink at the Spurting Men's Lodge.
That little black dog not only works security at the swinger's club, but has appeared in numerous tico porno videos, including "Perro Sucio's Excellent Adventure," RollTide's "Puppy Love," and Paco Loco's "Transvestite Terrier from Tiquicia" series.
That lady you see giving her I.D. card (called a smegma in Spanish) is the actual owner of the Spurting Men's Lounge. Bill is just the "front man," as we like to say.
Well, I've only been confronted by five Colombians toting firearms once in my many (six) visits to Costa Rica. They just want to befriend you and to show off their prized possessions...their pistolas. They of course prefer Spanish, so here's a phrase to help you make friends:
"Tira tu madre, pendejo!' (That means loosely, Your mother taught you to shoot, my friend!" This friendly challenge will make them laugh and invite you to the local pistol range (called a "rango pistola") right behind the Holiday Inn Aurola. BTW, did you know that Aurola is Spanish for part of the female breast nipple?
Really hope this helps. Oh, and about the train... I myself have never seen warning flashers or safety gates either. To avoid potential danger, hire a local street urchin/beggar. They're eager for employment and as honest as the day is long. Just give him enough for the Diacort (about 15,000 cloonies should do it), and invite him to keep the change.
BTW, here's a little-known erotic fact about ticas. They love a sexual game called "la lavativa." You can get the sex toys necessary at any pharmacy, garden center or plumbing supply shop.
