www.CostaRicaTicas.com

(...so afraid I'm going to be completely flamed!!) Just let me know if this is off-topic and I'll promtly remove.

Been reading this board. Haven't posted/joined because I don't P4P very often. New to CR, living in SJO, fairly young, very mediocre espanol, but I dont mind playing the fool... and can turn up my game when needed.

So, meeting LOTS of non-pros. getting plenny looks, dances, phone numbers, kisses and even a couple freebie TLN's.

Here's my issue:

All of my relationships here have lacked any real depth. Anytime I broach subjects that have interpersonal, spiritual (to me), or otherwise broad qualities, I get a blank stare in return. Doesn't necessarily bother them, but they certainly have no response.

I asked a (gringa) friend about this, and she suggested that such self-reflection and existential examination of life are "leisure class" activities that these people have neither the time nor education for. Now, at the time I thought she was wrong, judgemental and elitest... but now I think she may have been right, judgemental and elitest. I hate to feel this way, but I'm genuinely afraid this may be one of the those difficult undeniable truths. Would love to be wrong on this one, and would love to hear another explanation.

Please let me know if anyone has thoughts on this. I dont think it really matters if the relationships you reference are paid relationships with "novias", or not. I'd really like to know how deep you've gone with a Tica.

Will gladly respond to any pm's if that's more comfortable. And THANKS, can't imagine where else I could find a group of gentlemen to comment on relationships with Ticas.

YMMV (...mine sure has)

I think there may me some validity to what she said. Let those emotions come out naturally, from you and the girls.

You can't force them.

I think it's two things, the reluctance to discuss such things. One is that finding a local girl with totally fluent English limits you to a very small number. Certainly my own Spanish is not up to discussing anything with much subtlety.

But beyond that, and probably more important, it's a matter of them not having been brought up in our talk-show culture where almost everybody has heard and been subjected to 'modern' view of 'relationships'. To use a good example, my mother, in her youth, wouldn't have been able to make much heads or tails of the way 'relationships' are analyzed. Back in her day, it was about 'virtue' and 'fidelity' and 'marriage' and 'good provider' and so on and so on.

I'm not saying Costa Rica is backward compared to the USA, as I believe that it's not a linear thing where in 10 years they will 'catch up' to us 'civilized' gringos (and gringas). Rather, they have their own way of looking at things, and giving them a 'it's not YOU, it's ME' talk will leave most of them in shaking their heads. It's a matter of a different view of these things, or at the very least a very different vocabulary.

I am sure that Ticas are every bit as capable of a deep relationship as any Gringa, but they don't talk about it in the same terms. In fact, talking about 'relationships' doesn't seem to be a Tica thing, and I personally don't mind too much, as Gringas tend to overdo it so much. My 9.3 colones.

_________________
"The only normal people are those you don't know very well." Joe Ancis

It seems that relationships would be much less complicated and easier to make a woman happy- perhaps this is a big underlying reason these girls can be so refreshing and that it often does come down to "just money." Their life is consistently on a much lower level of the needs hierarchy than most of the girls we know back home.



I'm not dying to have a real long-term, long-distance relationship with a tica but it seems like there's some room for me to come across as an arrogant, condescending, out-of-touch person if I'm not careful. I hope I don't come across that way or hope I realize not to if the opportunity arises..

This is an intereting topic to me.

Good questions YMMV. I have lived here going on 4 years now. I have to say that most of the TICAS I have known spend very little time "reflecting" on things spiritual or philisophical. Its not really part of their culture unless they are from extreme upper classes with more exposure to first world educations and influences. Most of the girls guys on THIS forum meet are NOT from these classes of families. Most of "our" girls are looking to survive both financially and emotionally as dependents in an extreme sense...yet they keep the partitions up from emotional attachments..not really counting on anything. They have Babi*s EARLY to provide fulfillment of attachment and meaning to life. Priorities here are much different than with gringas.

For the blend of what I think you might be looking for...passion AND intellect... my experience has been you have to find it in more sophisticated latin cultures...maybe Spain, Italy...and in the mid to upper classes of those societies.

Mexicans are more artistic, spiritual and reflective than Ticas...in my experience...go figure. You might want to go study Spanish in San Miguel De Allende, Guanajuato, Mexico.

Most the Latinas I have known regardless of class don't seem to expend much energy on depth they are either too busy with just surviving or trying to have fun with the elements they live in. Also many Latinas are brought up not to question things but just raised in a simple way to be a good wife & good mom & maybe humble with expressing some of these depth things to men as they don't like to get into areas where there maybe a conflict of interest where Gringas thrive on this stuff! If you want more depth meet some Colombianas & really become friends. These Latinas are prouder better educated it seems to me (YMMV). Just look how the hold themselves & pride themselves on their abilities and education. All their bolt on's are there for a damn good reason as a future investment to earning potential! In general if you want a loving little puppy find a good Nica.

Remember Colombia was a real power house many moons ago & many of these Latinas are very smart & driven.

At first I was not sure whether it is the limitations of language or the fact that they are too busy surviving, then I gave it some thought, not to imply that those thinking othewise are wrong, this is just MHO.

I think there are many excellent writers, poets and singers from Latin America and they all write and sing about very emotional things. Heck, look at the average mariachi song, it is a whole panacea about love, longing, drinking, misery etc. and Mariachis are not upper class entertainment. Costa Rica has similar country music. (as do we). Would you call your average Johnny Cash song to be without feeling or depth of emotion (Sorry, I date myself)

I don't think that I would say they don't have emotional depth because they are too busy living day to day as everyone has dreams, regardless of how humble.

Therefore, that would lead me to conclude that they can't articulate the depth of their feelings based on your limited ability to understand them. But I could be wrong........

After talking to a Tica for the better part of three weeks, once during a conversation I asked her if there was anything she wanted to know, about me, about America or whatever. She simply replied "I don't ask questions." Which I found to be interesting, but if you think about it, these Ticas are brought up much the same as gringas back in the day. From what I remember, my mother never questioned my father. She cooked, cleaned, took care of the childeren and made sure my father was happy. The times have changed and so have the gringas attitude. So it shouldn't come off as a big surprise regarding the depth the Ticas exhibit. They're just twenty-five years behind the gringas in the U.S. Thank God for that, because the other day while waiting line at the supermarket I looked around and noticed how phat and ugly all the gringas are in the U.S. It was sad to see the men standing at their side, looking lost, depressed and bordline suicidal... they've lost hope in life. It's sad. I smiled to myself and thought about Costa Rica for a moment. These b*tches need to start losing some weight. And another sad thing is that their daughters are starting to get phat at an early age. I couldn't help notice some of the crap these women were throwing into their shopping carts.

And you guys are right when talking about the Columbianas, I only met one and she stood out from the Ticas I met. I'm not referring to looks, but education and pride.

I LOVE COSTA RICA!!!

Traylor Park you are too funny & sadly too real with your post!

I have always been amazed at the lack of questions from the Latinas I have spent time with. You would think they would be simply more curious since so many are bright eyed women. They just seem to live for the moment & don’t seem to take life so serious like we have been conditioned too. I have repeated with literally hundreds & know some fairly well but no questions hardly at all at least none of depth that I can remember.

I ask them all kinds of stuff & one reason why is they tend to be brutally honest like little K*ds. I just think it gets back to what you said about gringas 25 years ago. What you said about the people in the grocery store is so true & I believe what we know about CR keeps our chins up compared to the guys desperately holding hands with some fat bitch gringa he simply knows nothing else or he probably would not be there or if they call this happiness count me out!

What is truly sad is what the gringas have done to themselves (too much eating & bitchin). They were happier I believe 25 years ago like the Latinas & now look where they have taken themselves. You see we have found a way around them but I don’t see where they can find a way around themselves like which country would they go to for relief from the bastardly men like us?

I love the discussions that go around here. Here is my take on this...

First I have to say I am a latino myself. I have lived in Puerto Rico (I know, we are USA for all practical purposes) all my life. I have been mongering to Panama, CR, the caribbean but mostly the dominican republic for the last 6 years.

However, I have also felt the reluctancy of chicas to ask about anything. I have a regular colombiana friend which I see 2-3 times a month. She is 21, with a 6 year old daughter (do the math). I literally have to get mad and get information out of her because she simply does not talk about herself or ask anything about me. I hate to generalize, but this is a common conduct amongst working latinas. At first I thought she was just holding back to avoid a stranger get into her life. But that is not it.

Here is my opinion on why they are like that, and has something to do with what Tman says. These girls have lived lives in which for many years they lived without knowing if they are going to have something to eat tomorrow. They probably have never had a car, or own a house, they have lived with their 4 brothers and sisters, the abuela and tias and God knows who else.

When they get sick, they do not have enough $$ for medicine, most of them have high school diplomas. Why bother going to college? Who is going to pay for it? Even if you go to college, are you going to find a job in what you studied? How much is that job (lets say a nurse) going to pay?

So it is all a matter on how complicated your life is. If your top priorioty in life is bring money so your family can eat, well then all other things are not as important.

If you have a job, fight hard to make it on your business, play poker once a month with your friends, go out with your wife or girfriend, carry your cellphone or blackberry everywhere in case somebody calls, are worried about where the next terrorist attack is going to be, have two K*ds, with ballet classes, and football practice and a mortgage, and car payments, and insurance, and promotions, etc.....and CSI, and wo knows what else....

and wish time passes quickly so you can return to CR and feel like a king...

We complicate our own lives with many things. 300 years ago people lived out of the land. Were their lives miserable? No, they just filled their lives differently.

With time, our more seasoned working friends learn, develop other priorities, and get pulled into this vacum that is very difficult to get out of without help. They get used to having money, buy nice clothes, etc.

I heard this Tica say that she worked for 3 months straight to get a
boobjob. A boobjob? Two years ago you have no place to live, your family struggles to make it and you are spending a few thousand hard earned dollars in boobs?

Do the math...how many sessions does a ZB amiga has to perform to get 1500 for a boobjob? Que mucho huevo tiene que cojer verdad?

And then they are unacceptable to a sizable percentage of the folks on this board, including me, because of the surgery. Ritual mutilation for the entertainment of the unweaned, ugh. I'm no fan of Frankenbarbies, I prefer women.

Cyberchunk...good points from a man on the "inside"

From this stated perspective, that is why for me it is hard to be serious about a P4P girl. I still say most of us want a woman we can communicate with. For just getting my rocks off, the right hand has always been satisfactory. Relationships...well just another thing.

There are some guys living here in CR and Mexico when I lived there, who do so to escape the grind, societal and money pressures first world living brings to the table. They hook up with lower class, more simple women who take good care of them...for a price of their own. While I'm glad this works for many guys...mostly elderly...I believe most of us want significant others who at least to a degree understand our lives and cultures. WHile many of these P4P girls try...its just a huge chasm to overcome in my opinion.

For me after my first couple months living and mongering in CR, I knew I wanted a real relationship with someone of a higher class. This was just me. Fortunately I found it in a non pro, educated, sweet Colombiana . yes, I'm bragging again...though it's really not me. It's HER choice...and I'm a lucky man.

Thanks to all who have posted- appreciate it.

I got a PM from a long-time poster who wished to remain anonymous in this post. He said that as long as I remember that the average Tica has the mentality of a 14-year old, I'll be fine. Wow, seems somewhat harsh, but also strangely true. Seems to apply to pros and non-pros. Basically, we're playing a pretty simple, immature game down here.

Ponder that one... I am.

YMMV,

Yes this is it exactly why it is so beautful too me. It is the breath of fresh air I crave & perfect in my case because all I go there for is R&R not a relationship of depth. If I want a complicated mess I would stay here & play battle of the sexes but what I want is a new attitude so I can come back here happy & ready to take on the challenges of our complicated lives. It just depends on how you use it & what you are looking for & I felt like Forrest Gump running around this world & I stopped running in CR because I found what I was looking for. Life is GOOD.

I am very pleased you started this thread. Thanks

I would desrcibe this phenomenon as a lack of "intelectual curiosity".
Most third world people I have encountered do not seem to care about things that are not immediately giving them pleasure or supplying them cash.
Many cultures around the world do not encourage people to seek knowledge for knowledge's sake.
If it not an immediate concern, they do not care how a plane flies, why food rots or why the Roman or Inca empire rose or fell.
If they are not planning on getting a job fixing or flying airplanes they will not be curious as to why the plane does not plummet to the ground, they only hope it does crash when they are on it.
They do not care what causes meat to get spoiled if its not in the fridge, as long as the fridge works what does it matter?
The do not care why a civilization works, as long as their government makes more entitlements for them to take advantage.

When is the last time you saw an average Tico or Tica reading a novel for the hell of it?