www.CostaRicaTicas.com

Ruff,

I found your post to be, at once, insightful, probably admirably honest, and somewhat disturbing. Your dilemmas are many for such a young man and I wish peace of mind for you, wherever you eventually find it.

I don’t know you except through your posts (many delightful and insightful posts by the way) and hesitate to put my two cents in, being that I’m a newbie to the site and to the mongering experience. But hey what the hell, I figure you wouldn’t have laid your soul out there, if you hadn’t wanted input from others.

I’m older (50ish), widowed after 30 years with one woman (and I mean “one woman” in every respect). I emphasize the fact that I stayed faithful to one woman for that length of time, not to pat myself on the back (my wife deserves all the credit), but to give response to your “fidelity” statements. Perhaps it’s a generational thing, but I’m aware of several men, in my small sphere of knowledge, that have stayed true (physically, if not mentally) to wives of 20, 30 or more years. It is difficult, but not impossible and, as I’ve said, probably is more due to the wife’s love, understanding and intellect, than the mans.

I’m going to have to side more with Prolijo on the two negatives don’t make a positive theory. IMHO, I believe, that while a solid relationship is certainly possible between a client and a provider, the ifs and what ifs to such a relationship are innumerably more complex than the more traditional one of the “untamed” male being smitten to such an extent that he is willing to “harness” his inner beast. When you have two “untamed” libidos (sexual or monetary) to contend with, who is going to do the taming? The love, understanding and forgiveness required would need to be of godlike proportions. Again, not impossible, but improbable.

For myself, I figure that the best part of my life is gone. I’ve had the best woman and relationship a man could have hoped for, unparalleled love, devotion, beauty and intellect rolled into one package. Yes, I’m bragging.

After not wanting to bother with women on any level for a couple of years, I’ve gotten to a point where I want some company. I’ve dated a few women, being totally honest up front, that I only wanted activity partners, but I found that after a couple of dates, they want to get serious. I’m not looking to replace my wife, as if that were possible, so I’m checking out the CR “scene” for temporary, no-strings company.

I have tremendous respect for the girls that offer themselves. More respect perhaps than I should, but perhaps being raised in the south and being of my generation accounts for this. Maybe respect isn’t the right word. Admiration perhaps is the better choice. Admiration for their guts, their acting ability and grace in the presence of some of the a**holes they certainly come in contact with and for providing a service that offers lost gringos, like myself, an ear, those eyes (O lord don’t let me drown in those eyes) and a few moments of intimacy without the prospect of them trying to sink a ring in your nose. I’ll take their lies over most others, because I know they’re lies and because the lies are so sweet. Unlike you though, I wish they weren’t so damned young. Makes an old fart like me feel guilty.

Your self-questioning has the ring that you have either found a provider that you consider mate material or you feel that you have ruined a chance at real love with your wife or someone else and are taking the total blame on yourself and your lifestyle. Let me offer this. It is surely a cliche, but in personal and intimate relationships honesty is the “only” plausible policy. It’s not easy to be honest, but it is respectful to be honest. I’ve found that it’s usually not the truth that ends up destroying relationships, but the lack of respect of another’s intellect you show to someone by lying to them. It’s the deceit and the perceived arrogance of the liar that he, or she, is smarter that the deceived party that is the relationship killer. Be honest with yourself (you seem to be off to a good start) and with your mate, potential or otherwise, provider or otherwise, and you will avoid 95% of the shit most couples get themselves into. You present yourself as an intellectual and deeply thoughtful sort of guy so I’m sure I’m preaching to the choir here. If I were your age and found someone that I couldn't live without, provider or not, I'd tell her everything about everything and if she is still sitting there, I'd tell the rest of the world to go ph*ck itself and hang on to her for dear life.

In any case, I enjoy your postings and trust you will continue to share your thoughts.

P.S. I’ve read in here that “the business” is sometimes a family affair and that the girls begin to have hijos at young ages. That would mean that there are possibly some fine forty something provider’s mothers out there somewhere who might still be in the business. Maybe I’ll stumble across one once in a while. Feel free to steer them my way if they are over your age limit.

_________________
The happiness of a man in this life does not consist in the absence but in the mastery of his passions.
Alfred Lord Tennyson
English poet (1809 - 1892)

Hear hear hear...OleSoloGringo. ONe of the most eloquent posts I can remember reading on this board. I salute you on all fronts of long term love and fidelity...and the flexibility to survive and prosper in the P4P world. I hope to meet you someday.

Ruff...this is your model

Outstanding post OSG!! Welcome to the board. These are the types of posts I truly enjoy reading. Don't be shy about sharing more of your thoughts!!

dapanz1

_________________
Paradise= Sitting outside the Bodega in Panama City about 1 am. Drinking cool Balboas with cool friends and blazin' hot Colombianas. I want to be there..RIGHT NOW!

Incredible post OleSoloGringo.I can tell that one truly came form within. Having a 19 year old daughter myself I share a bit of your guilt on being with girls barely over 18. If they are least older than my daughter it is better. Don't give up on finding some older providers.I have been with several older than 30 some late 30's even 40.They are out there but not many in the Del Rey more so in the local scene.rbc100

Thanks a lot guys for the welcome. It's just the musings of a guy whose "life goes on, long after the thrill of living has gone" (John Mellankamp). Having said that, my past trip to CR, and my next, have certainly made me focus more on the possibilities that life has to offer.
Got the blood flowing again to both heads, if you know what I mean.

I have read more of Ruff's postings since I added my two cents to this "self-loathing" thread and when read sequentially it became clearer to me the reasons for his very personal "introspective". I sent him a pm about this. He is an intelligent and "with it" guy that certainly doesn't need advice from me.

I plan a second trip to CR, approx. early December, and would love to buy you guys a beer or two while there if possible.

_________________
The happiness of a man in this life does not consist in the absence but in the mastery of his passions.
Alfred Lord Tennyson
English poet (1809 - 1892)

As most of you know, I normally love to eat threads like this up. I really get into the philosophical stuff. I've been meaning to add my thoughts to this thread but, for one reason or other, haven't really. Well except for 5 lines earlier on. I'll keep this post surprisingly short as well. I don't know if someone hasn't already said this. I've read or scanned most of the posts but don't always read the really long ones in their entirety Ruff suggested that we lie to the chicas as much as they lie to us. I'm not sure if that is entirely true, but here is my comment for further discussion:

The biggest lies we tell are the lies we tell ourselves.
We know or should know the chicas are lying to us but we sometimes want to believe them so much that we're really just fooling ourselves.

Here's a question... is there any difference between a CR monger and someone in the US who sleeps around?
Is it better to pay and have a deal, or to BS your way into their bed, only to wrap it up with "sure I'll call you" as you tip out the door....

A couple points... I was married for 10 years, and never cheated. Physically. It wasn't that difficult, given that my wife loved sex and served it up on demand. Her body wasn't perfect (a gringa w 4 k*ds) but I didn't much care. As many have said, a 6 or 7 with enthusiasm is better than a 10 with a bad attitude.

Now, divorced, even though I passed up chances to nail pretty girls for the sake of fidelity, I feel good about having done the right thing.

What about this: How much does your word mean to you? If you take a trusting, hoping female, and make a promise of lifelong fidelty, is it simply "no problem" to break that promise at will?

maybe we have to decide for ourselves what fits us, individually. No one else can decide that for us.

I also don't think sex is that big of a deal, and a bit overrated. I am a sex hound, no doubt, but is there really that big of a difference in the options we have for busting a nut? For me what makes sex the hottest is when I think highly of the girl (rare), not her age or overall appearance.

For me, I had decided that I would likely never get married again. These days, that may not be true. I think a lifestyle of chasing skirts forever will likely not "fit" me, and though that may be foolish, it's still true. I may get married again, and if I burn off another good decade or more, and find myself single, CR will still be there for me. Especially since I would never again allow an ex to get money from me, and I can't have more k*ds.

I have lately been very cynical about women, and rightly so, as many here will agree, and those who know me here know it. I seriously doubted that there is a girl that walks to face of this earth who I would give myself to til the death. Recently though, I met a girl and from the moment I met her, I thought "I would marry this girl immediately" and still think it. I have never slept with her, nor do we have a 'relationship'. But as I got to know her a bit, the feeling of wanting this ONE forever, and knowing that there is not another like her, was so powerful I can only describe it as spiritual. I can't explain it, guys.

Then, it all came together this week, when I found out:

She is a Tica.

Life goes in seasons. Risk lies in everything. Do what fits you.

"for what is a man's life, but a wisp of vapor, that appears for a moment, and then vanishes away..."

King Solomon

_________________
check yourself before you wreck yourself

Ditto King on your comments.

I believe most guys, seasoned guys anyway, (please note I didn't say "old" ), anyone worth his salt anyway, would agree with your comments and would answer your query about breaking promises with a resounding "NO!"; it is not ok to do so. And, IMHO, it cannot be left up to each person to decide this for him or her self. I am one of the biggest promoters of personal freedoms you will ever meet, but I do not believe the cohesiveness of society can survive this sort of freedom. After all, it is not a simple "promise" we are speaking of here; it is a "vow" or an "oath". Vows/oaths should be solemn, sobering and sacred to everyone. This has nothing to do with religion. Vows and oaths should supersede any and all religious connotations. They exist on a higher "personally spiritual" realm separate from religion. This is why the hurt inflicted is felt so deeply, on the "soul or Id" level, by a wronged party and usually is not overcome afterwards. Sadly, even though they are often given "token verbage" in ceremony; the depth of these concepts have been lost to most folks in these "modern" times. I believe it is the loss of this one "concept", in it's many variations, that is at the very core of the "life/society, as we know it, has gone to shit" belief shared by young and old alike. RANT OVER.

Only a damned fool would want to "chase skirts" forever. That is, unless one could be assured of dropping dead while in the act . However, the vast majority of us won't have the privilege of going that way and don't want to die clutching our shriveled members by our lonesome. The younger studs on here may not fully understand, not having the benefit of our years and still thinking too much with the "small" head (no offense intended, you guys know who you are ), but your sentiments are not falling on totally deaf ears. It's good to see that your cynical nature has not totally blinded you to the wonders of a good woman yet.

Bueno!

_________________
The happiness of a man in this life does not consist in the absence but in the mastery of his passions.
Alfred Lord Tennyson
English poet (1809 - 1892)

Solomon and ole Gringo...good comments as usual.

Where i fall out of the apple cart here is the ASSUMPTION that all women want fidelity and forever and always. I think there are many women who along with us are cynical about false promises and "forever", but are willing to gamble in a long term relationship based on the daily decision and choice we all have of being monogomous or not. I dont think I could ever again look a woman in the eye and say "I will NEVER be with another woman again". I just think that is idealistic, and while being what the woman may want to hear...it is against my integrity as we are discussing here to make that kind of blanket statement. I might say "as long as our relationship maintains this level of attraction and passion, I will never be with another"...but the marriage thing...well, twice bitten thrice shy shall we say. But that doesnt mean I dont value my current relationship or my word. I am monogomous for long periods of times these days...but I am not married. I dont tell all...and my Significant other obviously does not know for sure ever whether I am emotionally and mentally focused on her or not. WE can act as well as some of these pro ladies at the Delrey if we want to. I'm not saying I fake my allegience to my lady...but I dont go out of my way to say or reveal hurtful things to her...that wouldnt be "loving" in my definitiion of the term.

AGain, thanks for the dialogue that allows me to re evaluate my feelings and thinking on this subject...

T,

Given the "third eye" type of intuitiveness that most fems have, I would wager that your significant other is well aware of your beliefs on the matter whether they have ever been verbalized of not.

I don't think our views are that different. Yours view of women appears to be based on some bad experiences while I was fortunate to have the opposite. Experience with multiple women is not something that I know anything about and therefore will defer to more adept swordsmen, as yourself, to be the authority on related subjects. But please indulge me if you will.

I agree with your asessment of the whys and hows of our interaction with the fairer sex. We do all make the choice every day to "screw it up" or not. And yes, women do have a "smaller head" as well and often choose to use it. I came to realize however that my wife had ten times the opportunity to cheat that I did (she was exceptionally beautiful and endowed) and therefore made ten times the choices not to, whatever her reasons. That revelation gave me pause and fortitude on more than one occasion to have a "stiff upper lip" instead of a lower stiffy.

Time, I believe, is a key factor in determining if you're going to be able to make a go things. If a couple can just last long enough and absorb and acccept/forgive the slings and arrows of mutual dissappointments in each other, they might get to a point where they actually "love" one another on a more spiritual, rather than emotional and physical level.

I was far from being a saint. I lied more times than I want to admit, in efforts to cover my wayward thoughts. But, I came to realize that it wasn't because I was such a good liar, but that she loved me enough, despite my lies, to continue to tolerate me, that eventually lead me to think more with the larger head. Like I've said, I was more fortunate than most to have someone of that caliber in my corner and give her the credit for a lot of my emotional growth.

Now I'm sounding like a complete jerkoff? Oh well, as Popeye so eloquently put it, "I yam wat I yam"; we all are. I'll never need a shrink as long as I have a forum like this to vent my shit. Anyway, this is Ruff's thread and I have gone far afield from his ongoing dilemma. This is the kind of bullshit best washed down with a Corona. An open invitation to you anytime T.

_________________
The happiness of a man in this life does not consist in the absence but in the mastery of his passions.
Alfred Lord Tennyson
English poet (1809 - 1892)

Consider self-preservation: "the first law of nature."

DNA-encoded male and female behavior ensures perpetuation of the species. First, preserve yourself. Then, preserve your DNA line, your tribe, your family, to ensure your genetic traits will survive.

Women are doing the same thing by wanting to mate with powerful males. Monica Lewinsky gave the President a blow job.

How many of our sisters, girlfriends, wives, under similar circumstances, alone with a good looking, and the most powerful man on the planet, on a whim, especially when ovulating, in private, wouldn't have blown bubba? Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean YOUR wife or sister, I meant, you know, somebody ELSE'S wife or sister.

Of course I didn't mean MY sister, who is as pure as the driven snow, and given the lack of snow in CR, let's instead say my sister is as pure as Sta. Maria.

I'm with the Don Juan of legend. If I catch you messing with my sisters or wife I will kill you due to family honor. Meantime, my major goal in life is to get it on with as many of YOUR daughters, wives, girlfriends as I can because that gives me honor and makes me feel real big in my shorts.

Feelings are for wussies.

Ringo

King S -- Dammit! I knew I shouldn'ta left town!



Well, not exactly the "m" word for me, but my first impulse was "I WANT this one" and it's still holding, 4 months later, and feeding a more sustained effort to get to know someone than I've had in many years.

Along with both heads, my heart got into it, and that's just the way I am, and what I wanted to do at this time, after enjoying enough play. Sort of what OSG said, "If she's still sitting there..."

I think I wanted to approach CR from both play and serious directions, since I'm thinking of moving there in, oh, 5-10. So, in my more skeptical moments, I wonder if I've biased that decisionmaking, or just taken this plunge to find out more, faster.

Now, with all the good advice around here, and with Plan B just down the next SJO street, I hope I'd have the easiest time of my life extracting that heart if it proves necessary. But, romance is definitely a case of "looking through that glass darkly" and I still like to take my best shot once in awhile. (I also recall reading some warnings about getting a Latina going, if you're not really going to follow through.) See if I've learned anything after all the previous plunges, and maybe clear away some of their debris...

Viva Don Juan!

(I guess).

Ringo

Interesting post and replies. I'm 47, never married.....never WANTED to be married either. Everyone I know is well aware that I'm a monger, I hide nothing....I have no reason to. I'm too selfish for a normal relationship, and, women over the age of 26 (maybe 27 or 28) don't appeal to me sexually. So, I pay for what I want. For me, it's not complicated at all; there is no deep meaning to it all and no conflicting emotions are present to ruin the day. Do I want to grow old alone? Heck no, but one can always form an old age relationship later in life when sex is not an issue.....someone to pass the time with before the grim reaper pays a visit. Just my two cents worth from my point of view.

Oh, one more thought in regard to what may or may not be said (good or bad) about working girls; I have always held these women in somewhat high regard....maybe not on an individual basis, but as a group. Why? Simple, they are willing to take my money to give me pleasure...I thank my lucky stars that I've usually had the means ($) to buy these services. I don't buy into that whole bull***t mentality of all hookers being the monsters that so many people want to make them out to be. Sure, there are good and bad personalities in the world of working girls, but to paint them all with the crappy brush is silly. Most of the babes I've paid to be with me have been pretty dang nice all in all.