www.CostaRicaTicas.com

Greetings and Salutations fellow chasers of tails. I am Dr. Long Dong Silver ( or LDS for short...cue Mormons jokes). After a month or two of lurking and reading many trip reports I am proud to say I have booked a trip to CR. Accompanying me will be my insane Lebanese Southern criminal defense attorney, HRH Shah Stonewall Jackson III, Esq.

Over a long weekend, we will be staying one night in San Jose, then two nights in Jaco, then one night back in San Jose for an early flight home the next day. First night in SJ we are staying at the Hotel Del Rey. We rented a car to get from SJ to Jaco (we are both seasoned drivers of shitty roads and third world driving. and want the freedom to explore Jaco and surrounding areas).

In Jaco, we are staying both nights at one of the villas associated with the Hotel Cocal.

I have a few questions that I would appreciate enlightenment on from those with more experience than myself.

1) Being a doctor I have written myself a prescription for Threesomes. Any advice on how best to line one up with the chicas? I don't really care about girl on girl action, so bisexuality not a factor, but always appreciated. More interested in two girl on Dr. LDS action.

2) For our final night in SJO, we would like to stay close to SJO since we have an early flight and are both horrible about waking up early. Any advice for a safe hotel near the airport that is chica friendly? Also, any advice about finding chicas near the airport? I am 100% gringo, but speak near-fluent Spanish.

3) I would like to have female company during the day when I am doing activities such as fishing, laying on the beach, driving to Manuel Antonio, etc. You never know when you're going to need a BJ. Any advice for securing a female for activities during daylight hours?

Post with humility and gratitude for the mountains of poontang plowed by those who have come before me.

-Dr. LDS

You are best to pick the girl you are attracted to then if she enjoys a 3rd party let her decide which one. Personally I would hit New Fantasy and for 70.00 you get an hour with 2 girls. If you hit the Rey you will be looking at spending at least double and if you do not know at least one of the girls you are ripe for being ripped off. If you have a 6am flight you can still be in the Gulch area and make it to the airport fairly easily as traffic is light that early in the am, but I would suggest leaving no later than 3:30am.

As for renting a car be prepared for a nice addition to your bill for mandatory insurance, and if you decline the insurance, you will have to let them place a hold on a credit card for at least 1000.00 depending on the car you are renting. Even if your credit card has extra coverage or if you purchase extra coverage it does not mean shit to them. It might keep you from having out of pocket expenses but they will not accept it. For me I have found returning the car the day before I leave works best as I am not burdened with having to wait on the rental car place to get me on my way and making me late to the airport.

IMO you guys will be lucky to accomplish 1/3 of your plans staying only 4 nites total in 2 cities and being CR 1st Timers. Just phucking around with the rental car will eat up half a day. In CR you are on Tico Time not Gringo Time.

I stayed 7 nites in San Jose on my Rookie Visit, just 9 weeks ago. Didn't accomplish much more than 3 Ticas and great local food and weather. But I gathered lots of valueable info for trip #2!

NJ

_________________
If you see me at the bottom, please bring me my running shoes!

cue the Tica police

_________________
im way deep into nothing special
riding the crest of a wave breaking just west of hollywood

I must say this is one of the more creative introductions I've seen, possibly anywhere.

Go ahead and make plans but expect 98% of them will fall through.

From your post I can say you will either have an epic good time or spark an international incident... Vegas line is 50/50 on both occuring.

Trip report is a must good Dr.

Respectfully,

HD

Pofessor Emeritus y Pluribus Unum

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I747 using Tapatalk

_________________
This post is provided purely for entertainment purposes and free of charge on the part of the author. No tourist or travel promotion is expressed or implied. The author of this post was not provided compensation (monetary or otherwise) for this potentially entertaining contribution.

Why stay at the Del Ray? The rooms are meh and they charge a Chica fee. Might as well stay at the Sleep Inn and fill out chica paperwork and pay a fee.

Try the Taormina or the Amistad or even the Sportsmans Lodge (not a bar room).

I'd get a driver, if i was you (to go to Jaco). I work half the year in CR and have driven in shitholes from the Congo to Afghanistan and I'm still thinking about driving here. PM me for names.

Hotels near the airport that are chica friendly? Chicas will come to you, but hotels are another issue.

_________________
Any opinion or observation in the post above is purely presented for entertainment purposes and does not promote "sexual tourism" or "human trafficking". The laws of Costa Rica apply to all activities in Costa Rica. No warranty is expressed or implied. Void where prohibited by law. Your experience, observations or perspective may be different.

In exile in pu*sy prison

Muchas gracias mis amigos para sus respuestas. Lots of wisdom in all of them, and I am digging the vibe.

I already booked my rental car with Avis. Are they that phucking incompetent that it will take 1/2 day to pick the Phucker up? No me importa credit card holds. I'm generally an all cash type.

Hardy phucking har har. If what I just posted qualifies as "making plans" in CR, I am going to fit right in. Let's just say its all loose guidelines. Only certainty is slamming some tail and getting absolutely hammered shortly thereafter.

As far as why stay at the Del Rey...let's just say I am a dirty man who will feel at home in a dirty joint. My Lebanese Southern attorney is equally disturbing. One Halloween stateside he phucked a girl dressed as Snow White while she was wearing her costume...IN HER ASS. For this first trip, staying at the legendary HDR just felt right.

MM3, Congo to Afghanistan? My type of gangster. I will PM, but not for driver names.

Sounds like a great trip. The cocal villas are perfect

Shades of Fear and Loathing in costa rica.

Welcome back Speedy.

Stay around longer this time.

yipee,here comes the travel agent of the 1%

_________________
Jaco is called little USA by all ticos

[quote="LongDongSilver"]Muchas gracias mis amigos para sus respuestas. Lots of wisdom in all of them, and I am digging the vibe.

I already booked my rental car with Avis. Are they that phucking incompetent that it will take 1/2 day to pick the Phucker up? No me importa credit card holds. I'm generally an all cash type.

Hardy phucking har har. If what I just posted qualifies as "making plans" in CR, I am going to fit right in. Let's just say its all loose guidelines. Only certainty is slamming some tail and getting absolutely hammered shortly thereafter.

As far as why stay at the Del Rey...let's just say I am a dirty man who will feel at home in a dirty joint. My Lebanese Southern attorney is equally disturbing. One Halloween stateside he phucked a girl dressed as Snow White while she was wearing her costume...IN HER ASS. For this first trip, staying at the legendary HDR just felt right.

I stayed at the Del Rey last month and my $65 room was nice enough and convienient. But I would cancel rental car and hire Pura Vida Transport to drive you to Jaco and back cause he will save you precious time getting to Jaco and back. The rental company if you want to use cash as a hold will probably want $1,500 to $2,000 cash as a deposit on your rental car which you won't get back till you leave and they will probably find a few hundred dollars to deduct when you return. You will love the Condos, much more room than Hotel Cocal way overpriced small hotel rooms

I'm curious. What's the difference between Lebanese Southern and Lebanese Northern?

NJ

_________________
If you see me at the bottom, please bring me my running shoes!

One is a yankee and the other is a rebel.

Yes the rental car companies are that phucked up. If no one is in front of you, figure at least 1-1.5hours by the time you drive away with the car. If you do rent a car, video the whole thing paying particular attention to the front windshield, hub caps, and front end. Try and get their employee in some of the video as well and I include a shot of my paperwork as well zooming in on the date on it. I do not stop and start my video and do it all in one shot. Just my experience to be extra cautious as they like to try and play games with non residents. Taking the car back will take 30 mins to an hour depending on how busy they are but I have never given a cash deposit as I would assume some or all of it would disappear. I never rent the top end cars as you make yourself an even bigger target so a compact 4 door car is what I tend to get. Also my cheapest deposit has been 900.00 and the largest was 1500.00. Using Puravida transport is a great option and he will get you to Jaco direct from the Rey and he knows the short cuts as well, another benefit is you can get your drink on in the van so you are lubed for the action after checking in.

Ok. Phuck it. You all have convinced me. No car.