www.CostaRicaTicas.com

Joke 1
Hung Chow calls in to work and says, "Hey, boss I not come work today, I really sick. I got headache, stomachache and my legs hurt. I not come work."

The boss says, "You know Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell her give me sex. Makes everything better and I can go to work. You try."

Two hours later Hung Chow calls again: "Boss, I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon. You got nice house."

Joke 2
The Boss was in quandary. He had to fire somebody. He had it narrowed down to one of two people, Debra or Jack. It was an impossible decision, they were both super workers. Rather than flip a coin, he decided he would fire the first one who used the water cooler the next morning.

Debra came in the next morning with a horrible hang-over after partying all night. She went to the cooler to take an aspirin. The Boss approached her and said: " Debra, I've never done this before, but I have to lay you or Jack off." "Could you jack off?" she says. "I feel like shit."

You are really bored today , aren't you.


Go get a real job.

_________________
" I have neither the time nor the inclination to expain myself "

You mean like your job..Pizza boy.

One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts. He'd toss one in the air, then catch it in his mouth. In the middle of catching one, his wife asked a question, and as he turned to answer her, the peanut fell into his ear.

He tried and tried to dig it out but succeeded only in pushing it in deeper. His wife tried to help, but after hours of trying they became worried and decided to go to the hospital. As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came home with her date. After being informed of the problem, their daughter's date said he could get the peanut out.

The young man told the father to sit down, then shoved two fingers up the father's nose and told him to blow hard. When the father blew, the peanut flew out.

The mother and daughter jumped and yelled for joy. The young man insisted that it was nothing and the daughter brought the young man out to the kitchen for something to eat.

Once he was gone the mother turned to the father and said, "That's wonderful - isn't he smart? What do you think he's going to be when he grows older?" The father replied, "From the smell of his fingers, our son-in-law!"

AP News: Batesville, Arkansas May 6, 2005

Wal-Mart announced that they will soon be offering customers a new discount item: Wal-Mart's own brand of wine. The world's largest retail chain is teaming up with E&J Gallo Winery of California, to produce the spirits at an affordable price, in the $2-5 range.

Wine connoisseurs may not be inclined to throw a bottle (or box) of Wal-Mart brand into their shopping carts, but "there is a market for cheap wine", said Kathy Micken, professor of marketing. She said: "But the right name is important."

Customer surveys were conducted to determine the most attractive name for the Wal-Mart brand. The top surveyed names in reverse order of popularity are:

10. Chateau Traileur Parc
9. White Trashfindel
8. Big Red Gulp
7. World Championship Riesling
6. NASCARbernet
5. Chef Boyardeaux
4. Peanut Noir
3. I Can't Believe It's Not Vinegar!
2. Grape Expectations

And the number 1 name for Wal-Mart Wine:
1. Nasti Spumante

The beauty of Wal-Mart wine is that it can be served with either white meat (Possum) or red meat (Squirrel).

_________________

Living well is the best revenge
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MwUtj_YnNoY

THE PICKLED PENIS
There was this lady and she really wanted to have sex, but she was to scared to ask her husband so she went to a jipsy and told her the problem.

The jipsy rummaged around in a chest and pulled out a pickle jar with a penis in it, and said "All you have to do is open the jar and say 'Pickle penis my vagina' and it will start having sex with you".

So later she tries out the pickle penis and it works great. That is until her husband, Mr. Hand-Solo, walks in and he shouts "WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!!!" and the woman says "It's a pickled penis"

Unfortunately Hand-Solo replied "PICKLED PENIS MY ASS"


SEX FOR FOOD
There once was three guys who didn't have any money. or any food.

They had been stealing food for the past couple of days and still wern't satisfied.

One guy finally said ,"Wouldn't it be better to ask for food instead of stealing it ?"

They all agreed so one day they went up to this house and rang the door bell . An old disgusting skanky lady answered .

They asked her for food . She said she would only give them food if they slept with her .

The first guy refused and so did the second, but the third guy was so hungry that he agreed.

She took him into her barn and said to get started.

He said he wanted to blindfold her and she agreed because she was so desperate.

Once blindfolded he took a piece of corn and started phucking her with it. He threw that piece of corn out the barn window and took another piece of corn and started phucking her with that one.

Afterwards she fed him like she said she would and he left .

The two other guys told him they couldn't believe he had done that for food, especially since they had found free corn around the side of the barn.

Personal experiences Latinoheat?

Joke 1
A woman walks into her accountant's office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes. The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll need to ask a few questions. He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks "What is your occupation?"

The woman replies, "I'm a high-priced whore." The accountant balks and says, "No, no, no. That will never work. That is much too crass. Let's try to rephrase that." The woman says, "OK, I'm a high-end call girl!"

"No, that is still too crude. Try again." They both think for a minute, then the woman states, "I'm an elite chicken farmer." The accountant asks, "What does chicken farming have to do with being a whore or a call girl?" "Well, I raised over 5,000 little peckers last year."

Joke 2
A MAN GOES INTO A BAR. HE HAS A MONKEY WITH HIM. HE ORDERS A DRINK. THE MONKEY JUMPS ON THE BAR RUNS DOWN PICKS UP SOME LEMON SLICES EATS THEM, RUNS OVER TO THE POOL TABLE PICKS UP A BALL AND EATS IT.

THE BARTENDER SAYS MAN DID YOU SEE WHAT YOUR MONKEY DID?

MAN: NO. WHAT?

BARTENDER: HE ATE MY LEMON SLICES THEN RAN TO THE POOL TABLE AND ATE A BALL.

MAN: DON'T WORRY I'LL PAY FOR THE STUFF. THE MAN DRINKS HIS DRINK PAYS FOR THE STUFF AND LEAVES WITH HIS MONKEY.

THE FOLLOWING WEEK HE RETURNS WITH HIS MONKEY. HE ORDERS A DRINK. THE MONKEY RUNS DOWN THE BAR PICKS UP A CHERRY, STICKS IT IN HIS ASS, THEN EATS IT.

THE BARTENDER SAYS MAN DID YOU SEE WHAT YOUR MONKEY DID?

MAN: NO WHAT NOW?

BARTENDER: HE STUCK A CHERRY IN HIS ASS THEN ATE IT.

MAN: DON'T WORRY I'LL PAY FOR IT. HE MEASURES EVERYTHING NOW AFTER HE PASSED THAT POOL BALL LAST WEEK.

LH: joke 2
ROTFLMAO

_________________
It is cheaper to pay now and get it over with.
It is also easier to get them to leave.

Six retired Floridians were playing poker in the condo clubhouse when
Meyer loses $500 on a single hand, he clutches his chest, and drops dead
at the table.

Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five continue
playing standing up.

Finkelstein looks around and asks, "So, who's gonna tell his wife?"

They cut cards.
Goldberg picks the two of clubs and has to carry the news.

They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse.

"Discreet? I'm the most discreet person you'll ever meet. Discretion
is my middle name. Leave it to me."

Goldberg goes over to Meyer's apartment and knocks on the door.

The wife answers thru the door and asks what he wants.

Goldberg declares: "Your husband just lost $500 in a poker game and is afraid to come home."

"Tell him to drop dead!" Yells the wife.

"I'll go tell him," says Goldberg.

_________________

Living well is the best revenge
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MwUtj_YnNoY

A woman was shaking out a rug on the balcony of her 17th floor condominium when a sudden gust of wind blew her over the railing. "Damn, that was stupid," she thought as she fell. "What a way to die."
As she passed the 14th floor, a man standing at his railing caught her in his arms.
While she looked at him in disbelieving gratitude, he asked, "Do you suck?"
"No!" she shrieked, aghast.
So, he dropped her.
As she passed the 12th floor, another man reached out and caught her. "Do you screw?" he asked.
"Of course not!" she exclaimed before she could stop herself.
He dropped her, too.
The poor woman prayed to God for one more chance. As luck would have it, she was caught a third time, by a man on the eighth floor. "I suck! I screw!" she screamed in panic.
"Slut!" he said, and dropped her.



A K*D comes home from school and says to his mom, "Mom I've got a problem."
She says "Tell me." He tells her that the boys at school are using 2 words he doesn't understand. She asks him what they are.
He says "well, pu*sy and bitch".
She says "Oh That's no big deal, pu*sy is a cat like our little Mittens, and bitch is a female dog like our Sandy."
He thanks her and goes to visit dad in the workshop in the basement. He says to his dad, "Dad the boys at school are using words I don't know, and I asked mom and I don't think she told me the exact meaning.
Dad says "Son, I told you never to go to mom with these matters, she cant handle them. What are the words?"
He tells him...pu*sy and bitch.
Dad says "OK" and pulls a Playboy down from the shelf, takes a marker and circles the pubic area of the centerfold and says, "son, everything inside this circle, is pu*sy."
"OK dad, so what's a bitch?"
"Son" he says, "everything outside that circle."

An American businessman was in Japan. He hired a local hooker and was going at it all night with her. She kept screaming "Fugifoo, Fugifoo!!!", which the guy took to be pleasurable.. The next day, he was golfing with his Japanese counterparts and he got a beautiful 340 yard shot and just 50 yards from the pin. Wanting to impress the clients, he said "Fugifoo".

The Japanese clients looked confused and said "What are you talking about, that's the right hole."

_________________

Living well is the best revenge
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MwUtj_YnNoY

A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is
also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu.

"I'm sorry, sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a
dirty fork from a previous customer. I'll smell it and order from
there."

A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks
up a greasy fork. He returns to the blind man's table and hands it to
him. The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath.

"Ah, yes, that's what I'll have -- meatloaf and mashed potatoes."

Unbelievable, the owner thinks as he walks towards the kitchen. The cook
happens to be the owner's wife. He tells her what had just happened.

The blind man eats his meal and leaves.

Several days later, the blind man returns and the owner mistakenly
brings him a menu again.

"Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man."

"I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a dirty fork."

The owner retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man.

After another deep breath, the blind man says, "That smells great. I'll
take the macaroni and cheese with broccoli."

Walking away in disbelief, the owner thinks the blind man is screwing
around with him and tells his wife that the next time the blind man
comes in he's going to test him.

The blind man eats and leaves.

He returns the following week, but this time the owner sees him coming
and runs to the kitchen.

He tells his wife, "Mary, rub this fork on your panties before I take
it to the blind man."

Mary complies and hands her husband the fork. As the blind man walks in
and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting.

"Good afternoon, sir, this time I remembered you and I already have
the fork ready for you."

The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff, and says,
"Hey I didn't know that Mary worked here..."

Q: Why did God create yeast infections?
A: So women would know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt once in a while too.

_________________

Living well is the best revenge
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MwUtj_YnNoY

Q. What's the difference between a woman and a sheep?
A. The sheep doesn't get upset if you screw her sister.

Q. How do you turn a fox into a hippopotamus?
A. Marry it.