www.CostaRicaTicas.com

On the flip side: it's almost impossible the guy in question doesn't know he's dealing with a working chica. After all, how did they meet in the first place? Let's not forget he's a COP. He knows what she did (does) for a living.

But unfortunately he is probably arrogant / naive / dumb enough to believe if he dangles the prize (himself ) in front of her, she will magically cease and desist from hooking. Like many before him, he is under the delusion this chica will stop doing what they do when the knight in shining armor arrives to rescue her. After all, what chica could resist such Gringo handsomeness, coupled with vast amounts of money?

I'm with brother JazzBro: this is one of those situations where no matter what you tell him he's not going to believe it until he sees it with his own eyes.

mh

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mh

Yes it was. Came down with the flu or something last weekend. Felt like crap until last night's great finish to the NBA Finals!

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"All them women gonna make me,
teach 'em what they don't know how..." TMIB

Why so many justifications for not telling a guy?

It's pretty obvious to us that it's extremely stupid to pay a chica to stay off the market. But how can we make the blanket assumption that it's useless to tell him?

If he is ignorant of the situation, it can only help him to know. If he does nothing with the info then it's his problem.

Even if only some guys in this situation would accept that what they were told about their "novia" is true, isn't it worthwhile?

Assuming a guy is arrogant, naive, dumb or should know better is arrogant on our part.
Assuming that a guy sending money to a chica can't learn until she's milked him of all possible dollars is either presumptuous or self-serving on our part.

Maybe I'm still grumpy from the flu, but I just can't see this any other way.

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"All them women gonna make me,
teach 'em what they don't know how..." TMIB

Why so many justifications for involving yourself in someone's else's business?

Assuming you know better than the poor ol' tricked monger and it's somehow your job to tell this monger what's going on -- now THAT is arrogance.

Have you even considered maybe the monger DOES know and he prefers to turn a blind eye towards what's going on?

Better yet, have you considered maybe the original poster is making this story up or embellishing the details because he has a hard-on for the chica in question?

Here's the point - poor ol' monger should have known better. I bet his friends told him not to do it. But no, he knew better than all of them. So what makes you think it will matter to him if someone tells him now about his chica's adventures? Unless he verifies it himself or she confesses, he won't believe it.

Now, if you happen to witness the behavior of the chica yourself, and this gent happens to be a friend of yours, I can see you telling him, "Hey, I saw this happen at the Sportmens' last night." And guess what? Your friend won't thank you for it. And if he confronts the chica, confirms what you told him is true, and despite that he still sticks with the chica, be prepared to accept the price of your involvement.

mh

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mh

Thanks for the booster shot we all need to hear these stiries once in a while.It pops you right back into reality.
My question is how in the hell does he support a chica on a police salary.

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Part Time Stalker Full Time Freak

Basic human decency.



If he is turning a blind eye, then telling him just shows you have his back.



Not everybody knows better. That's the point.
Also not everybody goes to Costa Rica with a group of in-the-know friends.



I have no idea, and I'm not just talking about the guy in question.



Doesn't matter if he accepts it or not.
Friends help each other out by doing the right thing, regardless of whether what they say will they get their asses kissed or kicked afterwards.




Yes, anybody who thinks they have a 'girlfriend' or 'novia' in Costa Rica ought to know better. From countless stories here on CRT, it's pretty obvious they're all going to keep working when you're not there.

If you think yours might be different (she isn't), apparently nobody from CRT is going to tell you if she's working. Vested interests and all that...

I don't know what police salaries are these days or how much these guys send to the chicas. Any amount is too much. Tell your friends

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"All them women gonna make me,
teach 'em what they don't know how..." TMIB

Depending on his US lifestyle and marital/dependent status, what PD, rank, length of service, other unknowable factors--I could see his payments are do-able. Believe with the majority that he should know better and shouldn't do it, but financially--YES.

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"A man accustomed to hear only the echo of his own sentiments, soon bars all the common avenues of delight, and has no part in the general gratification of mankind"--Dr. Johnson
"Amen, brother"-ED

Entertainment has no price!! Come to the beach sometime and the first drink is on me just for a good story!!!

Kickstand, Miamiheller et al,

I take what I consider to be a more middle of the road position on whether to tell a guy he's being a fool giving a "former" working girl money so that she "doesn't have to turn tricks".

If the guy is a complete stranger, you have to play it very carefully. After all he is likely to think, "Who is this guy to tell me what I should do?". You might couch it in very diplomatic language suggesting that just maybe his chica isn't being completely honest with him (based on all the other working girls you've ever known and all the cases of gringos trying to save such chicas) or you might simply and plainly roll your eyes to indicate what you really think as he tells you how he saved his former working girl chica-novia from a life of prostitution. But the last thing you should expect is that whatever you say will make the slightest difference to him. Still like Kickstand said, it couldn't hurt. I'm sure you won't be the first guy to ever tell him that or will you be the last, so he might as well get used to hearing it if he hasn't already.

However, once you've made your initial comment, whatever it was, you should just let the matter drop. There is a fine line between making your point (which should take all of 5 seconds) and beating the guy over the head with it. The sucker in question may choose to defend his actions or say how you don't really know his chica and how she is really so much different from all the others. And all you can really do at that point is politely nod your head and say "Who knows? Maybe you're right and you've really bucked the odds." but that is about it. You've done your duty by simply telling him (and probably adding your voice to those of most of his friends who are also telling him the same thing) and its time to move on.

In the case of where it is a friend who is making this bonehead mistake, you're sort of obligated to be a bit more forceful with your warnings (after all if a friend isn't there to try and look out for him and help protect him from himself, then who else can he count on to do it). And your past friendship should buy you more slack in what he will put up listening to as well as how much stock he will put into your words. And you might also repeat your warnings on subsequent occasions IF he provides an entree to mentioning it. But still you don't want to push it too far each time. Make your point and drop it and watch out for signs where he might be starting to resent your warnings more than simply writing them off. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink. Again, the odds are any of your warnings by themselves are not likely to change your friend's head but PERHAPS the CUMULATIVE effect of your words along with the warnings of all (or most) of his other friends over time MIGHT eventually have some impact (hopefully before he gets too burned and you're in the position of being able to say "I told you so").

If they guy in question is a newbie, then you're coming at it from the position of greater experience and so the newbie in question should be made to realize that perhaps you know more of what you speak. If the guy in question is an experienced vet (and yes even experienced vets have been known to make this sort of mistake), then he should know as well as you what the odds are in situations like these (and may even realize inside the mistake he is probably making). As such at the very least he should understand your doubts even as he maintains that HIS girl is different. And combine your gentle reminders (and those of all his other friends) with the self-doubt he might already be feeling and that might be all it takes to make him come back to earth. But in either case, you shouldn't ever do more than simply and briefly offer your opinion and then let him do whatever he will. He's either going to get it or he won't and trying to drill it into his head will only serve to alienate him from you.

What about the situation where you have "hard evidence" of a specific case where the chica is doing other guys behind his back? Short of seeing it himself, he may not believe it. He may confront the chica about to "be fair" and to get her side and, of course, she's gonna deny it. Then what are you gonna do. He may buy her explanations over yours, but perhaps the seed of doubt and suspicion will have been planted and he will at least be more on watch for other future suspicious details. IMHO, as long as you've simply made your point and dropped it without beating him over the head with it, if he takes the word of a chica over yours AND thinks you just lied about the whole thing up or even holds a grudge against you for suggesting that his chica may be less than completely honest, then perhaps he really wasn't that good of a friend to begin with.

Prolijo,

Thank you for explaining this better than I could.

I agree 100%.
Or am I supposed to write: "+1" nowadays?

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"All them women gonna make me,
teach 'em what they don't know how..." TMIB

+2 .

Dean

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my first wingman sent me this, how true

" most of the girls down here, lie as a self defense mechanism and to not have to face the truth, thinking most men couldn't accept them knowing the whole truth. Simpler, they may just want men to think they are as perfect as they want to appear to them, trying to hide what they consider to be the ugly truth about themselves. And I may be reading more into it than is there, but I do believe they consider the basis of the lies to be justified."

Brother Prolijo has given an excellent precis of the 3 main positions you might find yourself vis a vis this situation. I think he'd agree with me that you might have the opportunity to rub salt in the wound but as a CRT gentleman, would never do so. Buy'm a beverage, let him weep on your shoulder, provide aid and comfort in a trying time--YES. Remember, most likely this guy had already had his ass kicked, his finances trashed and ego humiliated in a divorce sometime prior. Being a jerk here is the moral equivalent of driving him to the bridge from which he hopes to jump.

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"A man accustomed to hear only the echo of his own sentiments, soon bars all the common avenues of delight, and has no part in the general gratification of mankind"--Dr. Johnson
"Amen, brother"-ED

+1 on what JB just said.

Perhaps I should have been clearer on that point. I wrote "... hopefully before he gets too burned and you're in the position of being able to say "I told you so"". I didn't mean to suggest I actually WOULD say "I told you so", only that it could very well eventually get to the point where you COULD say that IF you'd been warning him all along that what eventually did happen would eventually happen. And I certainly wouldn't get any personal joy about being proven right about such a thing if it were to happen to a friend even though I'd privately think he was a bit of fool who brought it on himself by not heeding everyone's warnings. Okay, I'll admit I'd probably say "We told him so" to all our mutual friends while he was not around, but that is not really the same thing. And, of course, I'd always HOPE that me and everyone else would be proven wrong and that our friend wound up being the ONE lucky gringo out of a thousand who managed to turn a sow's ear into a silk purse. I just wouldn't hold my breath.

Many of the guys who live here get asked the "Is my Novia working while I am gone question repeatedly". My first year or so here I answered honestly several times and was immediately in the middle of a shit stew. I currently will not answer those questions. My answer is I do not know. if the guy wants to know, he should hire a PI. If not, he should not ask the question.

Back home if I knew a friend's spouse was cheating I would step up. In the environment here, where typically it is a working girl and an absentee Novio, I stay out of it.

If guys really want to know, the PI will cost about the same as one RFM.

BKTUNA?Boyd
I am never going home

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BKTUNA/Boyd
I am never going home

I guess I really just don't understand the thinking of a guy who would do something like this to begin with. IMHO, if they have to ask then obviously they already must have their suspicions. And if they already have their suspicions and you're only confirming those suspicions, then shouldn't the one they should really be angry at be their so-called novia rather than the 3rd party friend that they dragged into the situation? Or perhaps they're really angry at themselves as much as anything else once its been confirmed to them that they've been being played as a sucker all that time by their so-called novia and wind up taking it out on the ones who are aware of their humiliation? At least that is the way I think I'd react to that situation. OTOH, I don't think I'm the type that would ever fall that deep into a situation like this to begin with, so what would I really know about how those guys think? If you really think about it, any guy who would fall for something like this is not really thinking that rationally to begin with so why should any of us expect him to react rationally when we question or confirm his bad judgment?

Now if I were one of these poor saps and someone volunteered the information that my supposedly "former" working girl novia was cheating on me, without my asking for it, I could see where that might be another story. Maybe it was a fantasy of my own choosing and the hopefully well-intentioned informant burst my bubble. I could readily see why that could result in equal resentment towards the informant, the novia who cheated on me and myself for falling for it. Or maybe, because I had full faith in my so-called novia and didn't have any prior suspicions about her fidelity, I'd choose to believe her explanations and lies over the word of a budinsky guy who I might see as having ulterior motives or bias. In that case, my resentment might be solely directed at the interloper. But again, not ever having been on that side of things in scenarios such as these myself, I'm not really in a position to fairly say exactly how I'd react.

Or maybe the shit stew that BK was referring to was not so much on the part of the monger who wanted to know but by the guilty chica (and possibly all her friends) who sees BK as having ratted her out? And who really needs or wants an angry chica (or pack of them) on their case?

My other question for BK is what happens if the person asking finds out much later on his own that his so-called "novia" was cheating on him (as he eventually will) AND that you (and everyone else) knew that all along but didn't tell him? IMHO, that would probably only heighten his potential embarassment about the situation. And it would certainly mean having lost even more of an investment of finances and emotion in a relationship that was probably doomed from the start but could have at least been cut short when he asked you to let him know if you ever saw her cheating.

I do really like BK's last analogy about a PI costing about the same as one RFM. Put in that perspective the cost seems really cheap and it also avoids putting your friends in the uncomfortable position of having to choose between being honest with you and possibly causing you heartbreak on the one hand v.s. telling a white lie to avoid become embroiled in your personal affairs on the other and allowing that friend to continue to hang himself.