www.CostaRicaTicas.com

Let me elaborate on something since i dont think i was clear in what i wrote.

When i said to avoid introducing latinas to other latinas, i really was wrong in the way i wanted to make my point.

But first i need to explain the needs of a latina and the views of latinos. Like everything there is a balance. Men are thought that they are the leader of the household, they are the bottom line in the family, they provide for the household and are someone for their Ch*ldren to look up to, and for their wives to trust and obbey.

Now most latino men (not all mind you but allot) tend to loose their balance in this. They confuse respect for absolute obediance. They think that respect is only for themselves. They become abusive in their extreme vision of family. I could go into why but thats a whole nother post.

Now latinas are taught to put the man first (not all mind you). To be the good wife. To raise a family. What happens in allot of latin countries women are never taught self value they learn after very very bad experiences which leave them with traumas. In more modern latin countries women are taught self value but with a couple of twists. They have to start a family, no latter than their 30's. Some women outgrow this stigma that your life ends at 30 but others tend to party hard when their young and try to settle down by their mid to late 20's (mostly 25 to 27).

What latinas want out of a relationship is

1)Security. They want to feel secure with the man they are with. Both physically and economically. Although some could ignore the economical aspect. It all comes down to do you make your lady feel safe?

At a party if a man is bothering her, do you?

A. Call the guy over and take him to a corner and explain to him that you are with her and his actions are bothering her and if he continues you will be forced to take action but hope it wont come to that.

B. Stare down the guy and if he continues you go up to him and tell him to back off or else.

C. Beat the shit out of him.

If you chose A then your showing your latina that you are not man. At least not in her eyes. Sure she will tell you you played it cool if you ask. But deep down shes wants someone who can protect her not a politician.
If you chose B then you chose wisely you were stern without being a barberian but you stood your ground. If you chose C then you went overboard.

See balance.


2) Latinas think family is very important. Do you involve her with your family? Are you involved with hers? Do you bring up her mom? or take regular trips to visit them? Does she feel part of your family? Latinos are very strong on family. Most households have at least 2 to 3 sibilings if not more. Latinas are close to their mothers. They share everything with them. Every little secret. Every little comment. EVERYTHING.

3) Involvement. What i meant by the whole latina thing was that you have to be involved in your latina GF life. You have to know who she hangs out with. You have to make friends with them as well. Im not saying stalk her but keep and eye open. If you act like you dont care. If you dont make time for her. Belive me she will find that attention someplace else. Latinas like to feel like they are the center of their partners universe. They want to feel special.

4) Space. On the flip side you have to give your ladie space. Did you fight? Well dont be in her face apologizing or arguing. Take a break. Let her cool off then talk. Dont smother her.

Sorry for the long post guys. I hate to act like an expert because i am far from it. But this is my experience with Latinas in relationships. Just my honest opinion.

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I read most of these replys and TMan nailed it on page 2 Feb 14.
What great insight and well said.

Tman says it best, when he broke it down and said you have to look inside yourself and decide if that is what you want.

Coqui ......

Very nice post and it is good to hear from a Latino about the culture.
I agree with you on all points.

For the Gringos reading this post you may notice that Coqui did not say spoil the women with money and expensive gifts

Coqui...great insight here and I couldnt agree more. The part on how to handle another guy hitting on your woman had me totally reflecting on the hard way I learned this.

My first significant Latina other many years ago (Mexicana) and I were in a bar in Playa Rosarito Mexico...just over the border from San Diego. It was a wild weekend night, mostly Mexican revelers partying and getting trashed. At one point a young Mexican guy comes up and asks my girl to dance. She looks at me like "what do you think". I'm thinking...the girl can always most easily handle a guys come on. She asks me, "do you mind if I dance with him?"...to which I graciously said "you are free to dance with whomever you want". With a huff she stalked away towards to girls bathroom leaving me and Mr Hustler standing there together. I look at him like "thanks bud"...and he just looks at me with a smile saying..."women". It was all a game to him it seemed.

Well, later on when she calmed down (the Mexicanas in general are much feistier than most Latinas in my experience), she berated me for not "protecting and defending her" in that situation. I said I thought most women could say no less offensively than a macho man scenario. I asked what she thought I should have done, and she said she shouldnt have had to say a word to him...that I should have intervened...and kicked his ass if need be. It was just another big lesson on being gringo in Latin culture.

These Latinas have many different ways and traditions than we are used to in USA...and while they often like the "sensitive tender male" part of our culture, they still respect you more if you are a bit macho from time to time and keep them in line as well as defend their honor. But I would say, I still dont regret being careful in that original Mexican bar situation, because it very easily could have turned into a bloody bar brawl...and I still would not enter into that lightly or over a guy asking my girl for a dance. I was imagining myself surrounded by this Mexican and his 10 buddies with knives and shit. At that point, defending her honor would have gotten neither one of us anywhere, and possibly me killed. Think of all the latinas I would have missed out on in my life But, I still got her point and have become a little more "macho" with women. And you know what...it works.

Ok, now, after 80 responses have we figured out what Malo Gringo should do???

dapanz1

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Paradise= Sitting outside the Bodega in Panama City about 1 am. Drinking cool Balboas with cool friends and blazin' hot Colombianas. I want to be there..RIGHT NOW!

Perhaps it would be appropriate for me to say a few things...being that, I am the one who started this thread. This board is an excellant mix of helpful information, humor and a real opportunity for each of us to remain connected to CR and to one another. I have learned much from your posts. Partly by what others have said and partly by looking inside myself. This girl IS NOT a Del Rey girl. Unfortunately she has had contact with some because the salon where she worked was in the area of Avenida Central..Presidente circa. She has worked and lived in abject poverty and watched the others from the fringe. I have taken a hard line with her and she has responded in a positive way. She knows that I am different from most Gringos and I want something different. She knows that I am on the verge of saying...Adios. Where some of you will go into the casinos and make your bets at the tables...I do not. Not interesting to me. I have, often enough, made my bets on people. When I do, I have hopes of a positive outcome. More times than not....my bets win.

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My life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out and loudly proclaiming...." MAN....WHAT A RIDE!!!!"

May this thread RIP.

dapanz1

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Paradise= Sitting outside the Bodega in Panama City about 1 am. Drinking cool Balboas with cool friends and blazin' hot Colombianas. I want to be there..RIGHT NOW!

I assumed this was logical, the only time you should give your lady gifts is on 3 occacions.

Valentines Day
Her Birthday
X-mas

Maybe on the special date of the first time you commited to each other. That is if you keep track of that. Other than that the best gift you can give your lady is yourself, since if she truely care about you then you are the best gift she could ever have.

oops went off topic again. Sorry

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Hi Buzz,

My commets last night on bringing a latina to the U.S., and more specifically to previous posts regarding trying to protect or isoate these ladies from assimilation to the U.S. femenist culture were a little bit of ramblings. I do agreee with you entirely about having a latina enter the U.S. work force.

I had no intention of wanting the three Colombianas that have lived with me on occassion to become part of the work force. If I did not think that I could totally support them, then they would not have been here. However, these were professional ladies and wanted to continue their professions here; although, it is not that easy. One of the ladies that lived with me was a M.D. an specialized in pedriatic allergies and asthma, and had forwarded her resumes here to the University of Colorado Medical Research Institute, and the a couple of other high profile research organizations. She had determined that if she chose to stay here on a permanent basis that she would probably forego her medical practice, and still wanted to practice her skills but in a research environment.

The University of Colorado wanted to hire her, but she could not work legally in the U.S. We would have had to become married first, then go through immigration for her status papers, then get the SS Card, and the whole procedure would have taken some time.

The point that I was trying to make in my previous post, was there was some inuendo in other postings that indicated that some individuals wanted to establish a protective issolation "net" for a latina lady; and my only point was don't even think of it. Help them assimilate.

Almost all current U.S. televison programs, netork and cable, are broadcast to every latin country in Spanish, and these ladies can pick up on the worst aspects of the perceived american femenist gringa bit*h by watching HBO's Sex And The City, or many other shows in Spansh language without ever meeting anyone from the U.S in person.

Take Care,

Denver

ok

Dapanz1 wrote:

Think you got that right. Time to move on. This is getting really stale.

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Pura Vida
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four
essential food groups:
alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
Alex Levine

ok