www.CostaRicaTicas.com

(wasn't sure which section to put this in. i don't post often and i read every now and then, but i figure i want some feedback from some gentlemen who understand one of their own who enjoys the hobby also ... )

CRT brethren, I swore off love a few years back. sincerely. and I've been single and emotionally distant and saw nothing wrong with it. been getting things done, travel, career change, investments, friend and family time, concerts, etc.

out of the blue, a co-worker and I hit it off, conversations, drinks, emails, etc. nothing physical. she's getting through a recently-started divorce and said outright, w/o being prompted, that she's not ready to date. so I'm a gentleman and make myself available for her to have a shoulder to cry upon or simply to hang. fine, I'm patient and actually i rather things go slow. just the way I am. especially considering my time out of "the game". fine. I think our intentions are both on the same page, the occasional innuendo and hints entering our conversations.

anyway, this week, I'm getting the cold shoulder. two days now. not a peep from her. just a walk-by in the hallway. barely a nod. no fight, argument, disagreement to speak of to explain this development. she just turned off the attention.

and for the past two days, I've been as insecure as hell.
-did she reconcile with her ex?
-did I play things too slow?
-am I so undesirable?

really upset. and truth be told -not to sound so melodramatic - I'm down on myself for *never ever* having a good relationship. sure some have been long term, but really nothing spectacular, they just dragged on. with this girl, I'm attracted on so many levels, we're equal in many respects and get along so so well.

so I thought.

what do I do?
-walk away from the whole thing? accept defeat?

-if I ask what's up and why she's ignoring me, is that too pushy? will that scare her away?

-I know people sometimes need their space, should I just back off? particularly in light of the divorce proceedings?

I dunno. sometimes I wish I could just I could truly be happy alone and not deal with these crazy emotions that love brings along with it.

I wonder if I'm meant to live alone ... makes me kinda sad in light of how good she makes me feel.

maybe i just built this whole thing up to be more than it really is. just an illusion.

maybe i should just stick to whores?

i dunno.

you listened for a while to get into her pant's,you should have made the move on her,what are you afraid of..ignore her next time..stop worrying about how her life is,you talk about love but you haven't even shagged the woman/ divorcee....

_________________
Jaco is called little USA by all ticos

I say act indifferent. Don't be a dickhead and don't be a sweetheart. Perhaps that's her way of making sure she isn't moving too fast.

Or perhaps it was built up more then it was. Either way never let it show it bothers you. If you act negatively she may justify her behavior by thinking to herself, "Oh well, I guess he is an asshole" or whatever..

Just keep on keeping on.. Your going to have a good time with or without her. That's a more attractive quality then needing her to have a good time..

P.s. You're right, this should prolly be in the Novia section. You would recieve more responses I think..


Cujo

_________________
"Pain is the fuel that fans the flames of my pyre. A battle plan is only as good as the general carrying it out on the field. This is my war son, and I have the biggest bombs and the smallest conscience"...

Consider yourself lucky that you didn't hit it. This psychosis type of behavior is very common. How old is this broad? I'll guess late 30's or early 40's.

On a lighter note, I know where you are coming from here. As you stated in the beginning of this post, you gave up on love and have reaped some benefits. You let your guard down and you are feeling burned, used etc..

I don't see that you did anything wrong here. Good chance that the gravity of her divorce is dawning on her, best to stay away. Start reading the Trip Report section and plan a trip.

PB

_________________
I would rather import a Pit Viper, than marry a Russian.

Phucking KGB is always following me.

Go ahead and run with scissors, I don't care!

thanks for the feedback, guys. i just needed to bounce this situation off some people.

peter: yeah, mid-30's. and, by the way, russian (figured i'd share that with you, having read your tagline)

cujo: indifferent ... i like that. OK, that's the plan.

See! Their you go

I do be liking me some Russkie Poon, no wonder you broke off your celibacy to the Gringa

These Russian Chicks brook no Bull Sh!t. How long has she worked there? I'll guess less than a year, she may have only a work permit and waiting for the Legitimacy of the Marriage Interview and the fact that she is in the middle of a divorce she may in fact be a Green Card Hunter

PB

_________________
I would rather import a Pit Viper, than marry a Russian.

Phucking KGB is always following me.

Go ahead and run with scissors, I don't care!

Well I don't know a lot about women but you are way overthinking this. Why do you think it has anything to do with you, and why worry about it. If you did nothing obviously "wrong" then she's probably just a self-centered psychotic middle aged woman so there's no rhyme or reason for her behavior, quit wasting time trying to figure her out or blame yourself.
My guess- she got back with the ex and doesn't need you as a potential backup anymore. Most women have a guy on the back burner before they breakup so that was probably your role.

_________________

Living well is the best revenge
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MwUtj_YnNoY

I agree. It's her problem and not yours. She should have at least thanked you for being a "good friend" during a stage of her separation. GO BACK TO HOOKERS.....It's easier. I consider the interactions of a guy and a hooker like a seagull.... They eat,sleep,shit and Phuck. Men with hookers drink,flirt, do touchy feely, Phuck,pay and LEAVE without worrying about all this complicated woman shit.

VB QUOTE:

"GO BACK TO HOOKERS......it's easier."

Good advice, VB.

I agree with some of the other guys...you can't let her know you are bothered by it but at the same time you don't want to be a dick about it. I also agree about if you had hit it, then you have a whole other set of issues that you would have to deal with. The old saying Don't shit where you eat is probably wise.

The last thing I'll say is this.... You NEVER know what is going on inside someone's head. Don't assume this or that...Just let it be and don't beat yourself up about it. You haven't done anything, what ever is going on it is going on with her. Just be cool.

KenL

When she said that she wasn't ready to date; what she was really saying is i need to get laid with no strings attached. She needed validation by sex that she is actually a desirable person and not the piece of shit she was feeling like. You didn't give it to her thus she has put you in the Eunoch class.

Hey guys -

I really really really appreciate some of the thoughtful responses. Yeah, I'm kinda hard on myself no matter what the situation. I lost some sleep over this, but gave things lots of thought and I want to report to you all that I just got back from a lil' session with a local Asian babe in Queens and therapeutically I'm feeling much better. So, yeah, this situation is not the end of the world I thought it was going to be.

This whole little episode is a timely reminder of why I've kept single and as a hobbyist the past few years. So much easier, less b.s. to deal with and, besides a few dollars, nothing to lose.

I was just really jolted by the awakening of my emotions ... I thought feelings for another would never come back to me, but it crept-up and took me by surprise.

Today, again, she avoid me in the workplace. Still a bit upset, but I'll get by.

Thanks gentlemen!

Nothing can replace the misery put on you by another woman more than another woman!

NEXT!

Let me expand some more on this little schoolboy error of mine, thinking a relationship is the way to go. Two things ...

1) Why would I get myself into a relationship in the first place? ... I love variety, how could I give that up? In every single one of my relationships I've sought out the company of another, paid-for or otherwise. Big indication of my personality type and I'd have to make a big effort to stop such a behavior pattern, probably at the expense of the lady I'd be in the relationship with (and I did grow tired of hurting others' feelings because of my tendencies).

2) I saw the words "psychotic" and "psychosis" mentioned - yeah, it is true, I mean they behave in ways to actually make you feel bad about yourself. A cruelty of the worst sort. Instead of being communicators and telling you what's on their minds, they play a game that leaves you guessing at your own ability. Horrible.

I'm just gonna let these past few days slip by and give it no more thought. The way the cards fell is the best that could've happened to me.

Thanks for listening.

The positive you seem to have gotten out of this is awakening the sleeping tiger called "emotions", even if they were cruelly used.

_________________
"A man accustomed to hear only the echo of his own sentiments, soon bars all the common avenues of delight, and has no part in the general gratification of mankind"--Dr. Johnson
"Amen, brother"-ED