www.CostaRicaTicas.com

Hey Brothers, I need your creative writing skills. I have a friend who recently went thrue some of the tuff times, most of us have had with a wife of 20 years. He is now divorced pulling up all stakes in USA He is coming to CR this month and renting the house on my farm in NE CR. He wants some solitude and a change of culture, that this area does have. He has been to CR several times, speaks enough typical tico to get the essentials done. He says he is taking a year sabatical from the ladies. (?) don't think it will happen. To stay a little busy he is going to help me watch, and help manage my fruit and produce production, it will help him keep his mind off the past crap he has had to go thru. Last Friday out of the blue, he asked me to," write him a job description". Now I am just happy to have him their, kind of watching over the place. Can we put our writing skillls together, and write him a humorous yet proffessional Job description? Something he could show to someone not familiar with our recreational activity, One that defines the life of an ex-pate moving to CR, to an area that is 20 years behind San Jose. One that is not too mongrel orientated, as I do not know his thoughts and really believe he was serious, wanting a little direction with his daily routine. This area is North of Guapolis, a heavy agricultural, small community. I appreciate it Brothers!!! So will he for this is a major renovation of a life. I am not that great of a writer and a few of you are definitly of proffessional talent caliber. Thank You

Prolijo......are you out there?

I'm kinda confused exactly what it is you and he want. What does he need this for?

Is it meant to be used as a paragraph in some future professional (one f) resume that will explain to future employers what he did on his sabbatical after he returns to his career path in the US? If so, he'll probably want to frame the job skills that he'll use on your farm in such a way that they can relate to what he might need when he returns (e.g. managing farm staff, coordinating schedules, selling the harvested product etc.). And knowing little about what he does for you and even less about what he did for his career, it would be almost impossible for any of us to write anything that would be even remotely relevant.

Or does he simply need it so he knows what YOU expect him to do? If so, it really doesn't need to be that creatively written since it will be basically just between you and him. Also, if that is the case, you're the best (or only) person that can say what those responsibilities will be. For example, how many hours per week do you expect him to be "on duty", are they any other staff/workers that he'll be responsible for directing (or answering to), will he have any hiring or purchasing authority and, if so, up to what amount, will he be expected to do any "scratching in the dirt" himself or harvesting fruit or do you have laborers for all the hard labor stuff? I know I'd like to know if that last one was part of MY job description before I "volunteered" to work for someone.

Or, lastly, he may want this for just informal purposes to tell his friends and family what he is doing in CR. If so, I don't really understand why he needs a written job description from you. He should just tell them whatever it is he is doing and he'll know exactly what that is soon enough once he gets down there.

Finally, I'm not sure why you think for some reason it has to be carefully written so that it could be shown "to someone not familiar with our recreational activity" or be too monger oriented. You said he'll be in a rural area fairly far away from the usual monger scene in SJ and that he doesn't even plan to partake of that anyway, so what does he have to hide? Just tell it like it really is and it won't have to refer to anything monger-related even remotely.

Perhaps, you just see this as some fun project we can all take a stab at and if that's the case, I apologize for not writing something more humorous, but that's not really my strong suit.

Job Description:
1) Over see and take part in the delivery of soil enhancement materials.

2) Control of inventory to maximize distribution while maintaining quality.

3) Irrigation techniques and the control of the amount used to maintain equilibrium of the farm. Occasional experimentation of different liquids or solids in varying quantities for enhancement purposes.

4) Occasional local trips to experiment in field plowing techniques which may involve the use of new tools or tools unfamiliar to you.

5) Possible seed germination techniques but under controlled variables. Hopefully these will be failures with no outcome but provide an invaluable learning experience.

6) Not interfering with other employees in the execution of their tasks unless they are on break.

7) Possible use of material delivery enhancements to increase duration of distribution mechanisms.

8 Exercising good judgment in the selection of possible stock to be used.

9) Documenting experimentation but not publishing any results with out prior approval.

10) Not offering to supplement the farm in any way.

I'm sure others have ideas.
I'd like to see what CalifornicationDude can come up with.

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Patriot: Ice Road Trucking through the Bearing Sea to recovery

I meant for this to be a humourus, entertaining project, some mu' tico, As I believe part of this forum is to help and inform our brothers of life in a different society and how we can adapt to the culture. I do not believe their is any intention to return to the USA. With this permanent move I sense there is and will be a great amount of anxiety. He is going to LIVE THE LIFE as many of us have dreamed. I called him back and left a message on his phone that his first task should be to remove all numbers from all his clocks except for 12 and 6, "Tico Tempo" I have lived the life, experienced my gringo mentality in thier culture, have had many tics laugh at my ways of doing things. I do not post much am considerred a "newbie" on this forum. I question how many of us have gotten out of the "gulch". waited in LINES, bribed our way with payolla too MOPT and the other administrative and political entitiies. I was looking for a humourus, anti-anxiety piece of writing. Draw from our personal everyday experiences, ones we look back upon and now find humourus, but at the time embaressed us and caused some mild anxiety. As an example, I was attempting to take down an old orange tree, my 74 year old tico worker, kicked off his rubber boots, climbed the tree barefoot, took his machettee and de-limbed and dropped the tree before I could adjust and start my chain saw. I felt two foot tall! I apoligize for not making this clearer. I was trying to use his request to provide a topic to build the humor from; "Gringo Composeino (SP)" Have any of you had such experiences?

Where's Greengo when you need him?

How about these:

1) Recruitment trips to Nicaragua to find farm laborers because ticos don't like to work so hard for so little pay

2) Waiting around for a week for the fertilizer delivery guy because you didn't realize when he said he'd be there next Wednesday he expected you to simply realize he actually meant one of these Wednesdays (or Mon, Tues, Thurs, Fridays) after that.

3) Taking all day to renew the tractor registration tag, because of tico bureaucracy.

4) Hiring a cook/maid that is sufficiently hot-looking that she can double up on other "household chores".

5) Making the weekly protection money payments to the local policia, er I mean contributing to support their fine efforts for the community.

6) Planting a new fence or pruning the existing one.

7) Letting the cows, goats and pigs out the property gate so they can graze on the free fodder on the sides of the road and HOPE none of them winds up as road kill.

You are giving me some ideas, Patriot, Plowing may have a double meaning, my last caretaker was a 21 year old Tica, with 42 double D's, a very tight ass, and a HOO, HOO that was so tight I had some "feel good" even thru the condom, She called herself my "champion". I've got a nice picture of her at "WORK", but do not have her permission to post, she did steal the seed money last year, maybe I should post anyway "Don't bother a worker unless on break."??? The Ticos are always on break the Nicos do all the work. "Soil Supplements" Llots of cows in area, dung, fecal, matter S____T. How do I work this in.? Maybe a refference to te amount of "Galo-Pinto" neccesary for a days work. Previous owner raised Hogs and fed them rotten bannana, " No two leg Pigs allowed on premises"" ???? If so feed them onlyu the rotten bannanas, (Dicks). How about reference to a Tico Almanac ?

I am sure you guys can help me make this a fun and humourus project that will bring some smiles to our faces, Hell, you are welcome to visit if you want to get out of the gulch. I had a one of the few "TEN" working girls from the old Castillo come up and pick limes one year, we had a good time and took bags of produce back to her house and pleased momma and the K*ds. Give it a shot.

Jefe to workers: saw up this lumber... saw and lumber are all set to go have at it
Si Jefe
Lunch time Jefe: get those boards cut up?
No jefe we had to move the saw, it was in the sun..
Jefe: is the saw ready to go now? Si jefe but it is in the sun

Jeffe, MU' TICO

I'm not sure if you are the same guy I ran into at the SL, but if so, I was the guy that responded Absa-phucking-lutly when asked if I wanted to go the the DR. The response was that I'm going to remember and use that phrase. Also got the phone number to the farm?

If not the guy, welcome! You are living my dream of a future operating farm in CR

PB

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I would rather import a Pit Viper, than marry a Russian.

Phucking KGB is always following me.

Go ahead and run with scissors, I don't care!

PB, I do stay at the SL time to time when I come into San Jose, but I seldom do the DR, do not recall asking anyone to wingman to DR. Running a small farm in CR is really an enlightening experience, you learn a sub-culture within a culture. You meet some real tico composienos (SP), I grew up on an IOWA farm, taught me the birds and the bees at an early age >

How about some more help with this any CRT country boys that can relate to what this is about?

When I get enough written down I will post it, What an UDDER DELIGHT otro CHI CHI felicia!!

I will need to allow the "quiet enjoyment" of the house lease to my tenant though when I get the piscina full of water and I am back down for a stay , I will post a party notice to get out of the gulch into real tico land.

Humor, huh? OK

He could be the "No Cien Poster Boy"
(Please try to leave farm animals out of the production).

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It is cheaper to pay now and get it over with.
It is also easier to get them to leave.

I was really considering ( due to lack of ideas ) using the farm animals, and thier are some Howler Monkeys in the jungle directly behind the place.

How about "The Gringo K*D"?....Or "The Chica Wrangler"?...Or "Fridgid Fred"? ..."Farm Bitch"?


PB

_________________
I would rather import a Pit Viper, than marry a Russian.

Phucking KGB is always following me.

Go ahead and run with scissors, I don't care!