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Where do older men stand with younger women? 
Trish McDermott, VP of Romance, Match.com   
 
   
Dear Trish,
I am a single male, just turned 51 (but am told that I look and act 10 years younger). I am good looking, have many friends and have no problem meeting people, yet when I attempt to take a friendship with a younger woman further I am told that I am too old. Many younger women are looking for a mate with attributes that come from maturity and, let's face it, age. Yet when I attempt to connect with them I am rebuffed as being too old. It's funny, as the men in the age group that younger women are seeking are, on the whole, immature, and lack the social graces, chivalrous nature, and compassion for others that come with age. Plus they are very self-centered and are not ready for a LTR. How is the age factor viewed by women and where do older men stand?
— Younger at Heart

Dear Younger at Heart,
While fairytale love stories can come true and may happen to you, it doesn't take fancy mathematics to know they are less likely to happen if you focus the bulk of your dating activities on women who don't want to date you. As a fifteen-year veteran of the dating industry I can tell you that an equal and surprisingly large number of both men and women are convinced they — unlike their apparently crotchety, romantically threadbare and energy-depleted, run-down peers — look and feel 10 years younger than their actual chronological age. Perhaps this is a result of a societal misperception regarding the lives of older singles.

Today there may be as many 50 year old singles (both men and women) skiing, backpacking, world traveling and out dancing into the wee hours as there are those who prefer bingo or a card game as their primary social activity. Rather than continuing to attempt to date women who have ruled you out because of your age, and continuing what is probably a discouraging pattern of failure, you'll do better to find a woman who is closer to your own age but seems to have the stamina and physique of a woman ten years younger — in other words — someone just like you.

In Defense of Younger Men
Younger men aren't immature, they're simply younger, and as a result they may bring a different mix of capabilities and life experiences to the dating table than an older man. They, just like older single men, are a diverse group of people, some sexier, funnier, and more chivalrous, compassionate and adept in the social graces than others. It's unflattering, and some might even say self-centered, to believe you are somehow better than the men a woman prefers to date, or that you, and you alone, have what it takes to make a younger woman happy. It's also not working for you. Is it time to change your thinking?

What Younger Women Want
Younger women want what many of us want in dating and ultimately in love: great fun, fabulous romance, passionate kisses, engaging conversations, respect, understanding, honesty and a demonstrated willingness to do the work and make the compromises and commitments that relationships require. I commonly hear from younger women who are insulted by older men who won't respect their age range cut-off and see themselves as the exception to the age rule (because, of course, they look and act 10 years younger than their actual age). Women find this behavior disrespectful and these men very far from desirable.


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Ask yourself this: "Does the 80-20 rule apply to my dating efforts?" Anyone who has been to business school will remember learning about the Italian economist who developed the 80-20 rule which, loosely interpreted beyond its initial assumption regarding the ownership of land, suggests that 80% of your results in any area will come from 20% of your efforts. This rule has been applied to economics, time management and even gardening over the years, and it has its application in dating and romance as well. Based on some research we've done we estimate that fewer than 10% of single women in their 20's and 30's are open to dating a man who is 15 or more years older. Yet many older single men spend the bulk of their efforts, probably even more than 80%, attempting to attract and hold the interest of significantly younger women. The real opportunity, and the most likely chance for a healthy, meaningful relationship, may be in the area where some men devote the least amount of their romantic time — among their peers.
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