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This was recently on Craigslist and has already been flagged for removal (probably by the original mugger). If it is true, kudos to Alex. If it's not, it should be true more often.


To the Guy Who Mugged Me in Downtown (Downtown, Savannah)

Date: 2009-01-06, 3:43AM EST


I was the white guy with the black Burrberry jacket that you demanded I hand over shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I hope you somehow come across this message. I'd like to apologize.

I didn't expect you to crap your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a reason that evening, and it wasn't that cold outside. You see, my girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber 1911 .45 ACP pistol for Christmas, and we had just picked up a shoulder holster for it that evening. Beautiful pistol, eh? It's a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head, isn't it?

I know it probably wasn't a great deal of fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge flopping about in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse since you also ended up leaving your shoes, cellphone, and wallet with me. I couldn't have you calling up a ny of your buddies to come help you try to mug us again. I took the liberty of calling your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, and explaining to her your situation. I also bought myself some gas on your card. I gave your shoes to one of the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all of the cash in your wallet, then I threw the wallet itself in a dumpster.

I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell. They'll be on your bill in case you'd like to know which ones. Alltel recently shut down the line, and I've only had the phone for a little over a da y now, so I don't know what's going on with that. I hope they haven't permanently cut off your service. I was about to make some threatening phone calls to the DA's office with it. Oh well.

So, about your pants. I know that I was a little rough on you when you did this whole attempted mugging thing, so I'd like to make it up to you. I'm sure you've already washed your pants, so I'd like to help you out. I'd like to reimburse you for the detergent you used on the pants. What brand did you use, and was it liquid or powder? I'd also like to apologize for not killing you and instead making you walk back home humiliated. I'm hoping that you'll reconsider your choice of path in life. Next time you might not be so lucky. If you read this message, email me and we'll do lunch and laundry. Peace!


- Alex

_________________
CR LOS or PI Come horny, Leave Happy
Being 'over the hill' is damn sure better than being under it!
I was always taught to respect my elders, but it keeps getting harder to find one.

Priceless

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Providing humanitarian assistance to self employed chicas, one cash grant at a time.

LMAO!!!!

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Hit them fast, Hit them hard and NEXT!
A good chica is like a good carpenter - No wood gets wasted!!!

This post on CL Rant & Raves is kind of similar except for the fact that he did get mugged.

The guy who mugged me - m4m

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Date: 2008-10-18, 2:59PM EDT



Thanks chief, you really made my evening. I was just thinking a few days ago "wow it's be a while since anyone stuck a gun in my face" Then you came along like a soft breeze in the night.

I think you did a pretty good job, however I could offer a few pointers.

1. After someone has turned out their pockets, that means they are empty.
2. If I don't have a wallet why would I have a bank card?
3. While I didn't have anything in them, I had more pockets than you checked.
4. People often times hide money/drugs in their shoes or socks. Make sure to check those on your next target.
5. A simple please and thank you are always welcome
6. I can understand why you took my cellphone, you didn't want me calling the cops. But really, it's the only thing I had. Why not just strip the battery or something? I really needed that. Plus the thing is like 8 years old, you can't even sell it. Jerk.
7. Pick better targets, Occams razor might help here. If he looks poor then it leads to believe that he is poor. Why risk jail time, and serious time at that over a poor guy, at least get some cash outta the deal.
8. By being a African American mugger you are really reinforcing stereotypes.

I hope this helps mugger, I really hope you are enjoying my phone. I kept calling but you won't pick up. I'm so sad

Also, quick note to the cops. A guy at 3 in the morning jumping up and down and waving his arms in an X shape over his head needs help, he is NOT waving hello. But thanks for smiling and waving back, really made my night.

To the cars who wouldn't stop for me in south oakland, looking back I don't blame you. I hear there are criminals on the streets.


Location: Parkview ave
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