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PostPosted: Sat Dec 27, 2008 10:35 am 
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Saw this in another forum. It is what Japanese Travel Agents handout to first time visitors to America.

My travel agent has, thoughtfully, seen fit to provide me with a pamphlet of helpful tips to make my overseas travel less of an anxiety-filled social minefield riddled with white people and guns. I got such a kick out of these that I wanted to share. (I picked most of the fun ones. There are a lot of boring tips too.)

* The yen is very strong against the dollar right now. This will make goods in America seem very cheap -- an excellent opportunity for shopping! However, remember to be polite in your use of money -- America is in the middle of economic malaise right now, and Japanese people with wads of money in their hand might be looked on with envy. Besides, if you are obviously wealthy in an American city, you may be robbed.

* For our valued customers who work in the automotive industry [#1 employer where I live], we advise discretion. If you must say where you work, the preferred phrasing is [English] "I work at the car company".

* Most Americans are very polite, particularly outside of the big cities. However, outside of the big cities, everyone owns guns. Inside the big cities, almost everyone owns guns. Let's be polite together!

* If you go shopping at an American department store, they will ask you if you want to open a credit card account. They are *not* asking whether you want to use a credit card. This may seem strange but it is an American custom to offer customers a credit card, in order to make them spend more money. We suggest politely declining offers of credit cards. You may have to politely decline several times. Don't think of this as rude, the Americans have to do it too.

* Most Americans think we look like Chinese or Koreans. Try not to be too offended.

* Most Americans will think that a Japanese person standing on the street is an American, unless they are holding a camera. If you are not comfortable speaking English, you might try bringing along a camera to say "I am a tourist, please don't expect me to speak English." Except, don't try this in the big cities -- tourists get mugged in big cities.

* Americans have a social institution called a "gratuity". Basically, the price on the menu at any place which serves food is not the real price. The real price is 20% higher. You have to calculate 20%, write it under the subtotal, and sum to arrive at the real price. Taxis work the same way. It is considered very rude not to pay the "gratuity".

* In general, Americans consider it impolite to discuss politics. However, this January Obama will become the new president, and many people are excited! If they ask you what you think of him, a safe answer is [English] "Obama is really cool." or [English] "Obama speaks so well. Not like me. Hehe." Be very careful when pronouncing his name. O BA MA, just like Obama City. [Ask me later. Hilarity abounds.]

* Most big cities have Japanese food available. You may have to look hard, though -- ask your hotel for some place to eat tempura. Restaurants which say they serve sushi probably only serve makizushi, like California rolls. (Americans think California rolls are [English] "sushi".) If a restaurant says [English] "Asian" they really mean Chinese. They are probably not really Chinese, either.

* Ladies: if you shop for clothes, ask for where to find [English] "petite". It means normal sized. Ladies who are petite may have difficulty finding clothes which fit in America, except at specialty shops.

* McDonalds: Has no teriyaki burger in America. Portions are bigger and food is cheaper. Sometimes the person taking the order does not speak English. Please relax! They probably understand the set menu, although it is called [English] "combo", and you can hold up the number with your hands as shown. [Snip of chart for how Americans count on their fingers, which is actually different than how Japanese people count on their fingers, hence the need for a chart.]

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to finish work and start packing. Toothbrush, shirts, camera, bullet-proof vest, wad of monopoly money, you know, the bare necessities.

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PostPosted: Sat Dec 27, 2008 11:03 am 
PHD From Del Rey University!
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Spanky wrote:
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to finish work and start packing. Toothbrush, shirts, camera, bullet-proof vest, wad of monopoly money, you know, the bare necessities.


Don't forget the sex grease! :P

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PostPosted: Sat Dec 27, 2008 11:05 am 
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Phoenix Rising wrote:
Don't forget the sex grease! :P


Can you explain your logic on why a Japanese tourist would need sex grease?

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PostPosted: Sat Dec 27, 2008 11:08 am 
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Spanky wrote:
Phoenix Rising wrote:
Don't forget the sex grease! :P


Can you explain your logic on why a Japanese tourist would need sex grease?


I meant YOU, idiot!!!! :lol: :lol: :lol: :P :P :P

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PostPosted: Sat Dec 27, 2008 11:11 am 
PHD From Del Rey University!
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Phoenix Rising wrote:

I meant YOU, idiot!!!! :lol: :lol: :lol: :P :P :P


Listen wannabe troll. You aren't on par with the big boys yet. Learn to read then come back and try again. One day you may move up from the Single A farm team you are on but until then let those that made the big show do the trolling. :D

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PostPosted: Sat Dec 27, 2008 11:21 am 
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Spanky wrote:
Phoenix Rising wrote:

I meant YOU, idiot!!!! :lol: :lol: :lol: :P :P :P


Listen wannabe troll. You aren't on par with the big boys yet. Learn to read then come back and try again. One day you may move up from the Single A farm team you are on but until then let those that made the big show do the trolling. :D


If you read what I quoted out of your post, you might be able to figure out that I was commenting on YOUR packing for your trip to ASIA and that not of the Japanese tourist...

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PostPosted: Sat Dec 27, 2008 11:34 am 
PHD From Del Rey University!
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Phoenix Rising wrote:
If you read what I quoted out of your post, you might be able to figure out that I was commenting on YOUR packing for your trip to ASIA and that not of the Japanese tourist...


I knew what you were commenting on. Like the amateur that you are you failed to troll effectively. You were making assumptions that the reader would somehow infer your weak attempt at hijacking were trying to mock me. Yet, in the original post, it says JAPANESE TOURISTS HINTS FOR VISITING AMERICA. The original post was written by a expat living in Japan. No where in the post does it say SPANKY'S PACKING LIST FOR VISITING ASIA. Yet, you somehow make your supposition that it was related to me. I'm willing to let you off the hook with this feeble attempt at trolling as a learning exercise. I hope you have taken this lesson to heart and have learned from it. If not, I will enlist the aide of Irish Drifter, our resident linguist to properly school you in the arts of reading and writing.

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PostPosted: Sat Dec 27, 2008 11:47 am 
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SPANK'Y PACKING LIST FOR VISITTING ASIA

Now it does :roll: :roll:


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PostPosted: Sat Dec 27, 2008 11:57 am 
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I hope the ladyboys do you till you're red and RAW :evil:

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PostPosted: Sat Dec 27, 2008 12:03 pm 
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Spanky wrote:
[ I hope you have taken this lesson to heart and have learned from it. If not, I will enlist the aide of Irish Drifter, our resident linguist to properly school you in the arts of reading and writing.


Sorry but I must decline. It is my policy not to get involved with 8th graders trying to out insult each other.

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PostPosted: Sat Dec 27, 2008 12:14 pm 
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Irish Drifter wrote:
Spanky wrote:
[ I hope you have taken this lesson to heart and have learned from it. If not, I will enlist the aide of Irish Drifter, our resident linguist to properly school you in the arts of reading and writing.


Sorry but I must decline. It is my policy not to get involved with 8th graders trying to out insult each other.


Good policy, but it's nice to know you are at least MONITORING the threads of us 8th graders!!! Feel free to jump in and discipline us as you see fit, teach! :P

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PostPosted: Sat Dec 27, 2008 12:56 pm 
PHD From Del Rey University!
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Phoenix Rising wrote:
Irish Drifter wrote:

Sorry but I must decline. It is my policy not to get involved with 8th graders trying to out insult each other.


Good policy, but it's nice to know you are at least MONITORING the threads of us 8th graders!!! Feel free to jump in and discipline us as you see fit, teach! :P


I feel better that we are monitored. :D

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 Post subject: What about the suburbs?
PostPosted: Sat Dec 27, 2008 6:55 pm 
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Every one got guns outside the city and every one in the city got guns, that only leaves the suburbs, Don’t the suburbs got any guns??? What gives???


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PostPosted: Sat Dec 27, 2008 9:07 pm 
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How can I post on the aforementioned Jap Sight as an American Middle Aged "wealthy" Man Living in South Florida available for short term sexual relations with attractive Asian (Jap, Korean, Chinese) women during their trip to the USA. Posible Fiance Visa leading to Green Card after 6 months with another 6 month kickeraAvailable depending on in sack performance 8) :lol:


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PostPosted: Sat Dec 27, 2008 10:20 pm 
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Elroy wrote:
How can I post on the aforementioned Jap Sight as an American Middle Aged "wealthy" Man Living in South Florida available for short term sexual relations with attractive Asian (Jap, Korean, Chinese) women during their trip to the USA. Posible Fiance Visa leading to Green Card after 6 months with another 6 month kickeraAvailable depending on in sack performance 8) :lol:

Jap? I'm not trying to be Mr. PC here but I think that word went out around 1946. The term "Jap" is usually considered a derogatory term.

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