One of the things I noticed about Tman's list was probably drawing mainly from the first item, which colored what I saw in some of the subsequent lines, and that was how unlikely a gringo/chica relationship should be, or at least the vast majority of such relationships that most of us are likely to enter. I added that last caveat because I know that Tman himself is in what thus far has been a very successful long-term relationship with a chica and we all hope it will continue to be so. However, I think there are some things about that relationship that are unique or not typical of most gringo/chica relationships that the rest of us normally see. So how does Tman's list fare for those more common "mixed" relationships?
Well, item one is obviously the biggest impediment and one aspect of that which Tman did not specifically mention is similar ages. There is much talk about how in Latin American culture there is less aversion to what would be considered to be large age differences back in the US. However, what most of us fail to consider is that there is still probably a preference on the part of the chicas towards men who, though perhaps are not exactly their own age, are a lot closer to their age then what most of us normally go for down there. A 10 year difference is one thing or even a 20 year difference another if the chica in question is somewhat older herself, but when the gap widens to the point that the gringo is upwards of double or more than the chica's age the difference becomes truly unsustainable. And a chica from similar class and educational levels as most of us also has a lot more prospects than the average chica we meet and is much less likely to get into a relationship with a really huge gap in age.
The "half-your-age-plus-seven rule" is one rule of thumb using a mathematical formula to judge whether the age difference in an intimate relationship is socially acceptable and that is that the younger individual should be AT LEAST seven years older than half the older individual's age. Thus, by this rule, a 50 year old CRTer should NOT be in a RELATIONSHIP with any chica younger than 32. I don't know their exact ages but I believe Tman and his novia fall safely within these guidelines. A couple of things should be noted about this "rule". First of all, the gap is ADJUSTABLE and widens as we get older. At 30, the widest age difference is only 8 years while at 60 it is 23. Secondly, this is a guide for the age LIMITS. Just because a 50 year old CAN date someone as young as 32 doesn't mean he SHOULD. Thirdly, this rule is for intimate RELATIONSHIPS. I'm not suggesting that any of you can't just session with or even casually date chicas who fall much below this somewhat arbitrary limit. Fourthly and finally, this is what is SOCIALLY acceptable. The rule is not hard and fast, there may be cases, for example, when the younger party is exceptionally mature and where a relationship with a wider age gap still "works" whether it is "socially" acceptable or not. However, those situations seem to be very very rare. The point is, for this discussion, that many of us here are physically attracted to women who fall well below the limit for most of us and are not pursuing relationships that have good long-term prospects due to those age differences.
But age is just one factor in Tman's first "trait". He also mentioned education and class. How many chicas that most of us ever meet have anywhere near the same level of education as most of us? A much smaller portion of Latin America is college educated than in the US and, at the risk of sounding elitist, I'd venture to say that the rigor or quality of the education at the colleges in those countries is nothing approaching what is more common in the US either. OTOH, I'm guessing most of us are college educated if we are in jobs or careers that have enabled us to travel as much as we do. So the odds are very slim that our chica novias will be anything close to us in terms of educational levels. The same thing applies to economic class. The upper and middle classes in Latin America are much smaller segments of the populations than they are in the US and what qualifies for middle class in those places probably would not be considered middle class in the US. And, again, I'd guess that the vast majority of us come from what would be considered at LEAST a middle class background in those countries if not significantly better. Most of the chicas we meet are relatively uneducated and relatively poor girls who would only consider such a much older man as a means of escaping their relative poverty and lack of economic opportunity.
Yet one other aspect of the Tman's "similarity trait" that he didn't specifically mention is culture. This applies to everything from how we pray to the music we listen to to the tv shows we watch. How many of us grew up listening to Salsa or Latin Pop? As a friend of mine here in the US once put it refering to age differences in the US, "Never date a woman who just thinks Paul McCartney is that guy from Wings". In Latin America, the popular musical lexicon of the younger generation is not even anything as familiar as that and how many of us really and truly love Reggaeton? And don't even get me started on the telenovellas that so many of these latin women seem to love.
For more on these topics I encourage readers to check out this thread:
http://www.costaricaticas.com/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?p=184420
What about Tman's other traits?
Compatible looks? I don't want to insult anyone here and I'm sure a lot of you are handsome studs, however one of the main appeals most of us look for when we seek out younger women is good looks and, as a result, in most cases the chica is better looking or even much better looking than the gringo.
Balancing strengths and weaknesses? Okay, I'll pass on this one.
Communicate well? Perhaps if the gringo learns to speak spanish fluently or the chica learns english. But even if one or the other does there will always be the smaller nuances of the other's language that the listener may miss. Add to that, all the various cultural and educational differences I mentioned above and there become many more impediments to effective communication than what we'd have with most gringas. I'm not saying this level of communication would be completely impossible with any chica but I would say it is much less likely.
Trust? Again, perhaps, but much less likely if the novia in question was culled from the working girls of the Gulch. And, forget about whether you can trust her, how well do most chicas trust us men?
Independent of extended family influences? Do I even have to say anything here about the hispanic culture?
Each has their own interests or one is the breadwinner and the other the homemaker? I'll pass on this one too although perhaps others may have some comments.
No harsh words and control of their emotions? Does anyone here think this is an area that most latinas score well on?
Providing space? I'll pass on this one or at least don't see any cultural reasons why this would be more or less of a problem in one culture or the other.
So out of the 9 traits that Tman provided, the gringo/chica relationships that most of us are familiar with start out at a disadvantage on at least 4-6 of them and maybe gringas are starting to look a little less unattractive for the longer term.
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...but that is what I think many Latina's ideals are for us.
. Some guys want more traditional relations while others are more focused on keeping it "freaky in bed". I guess I have come to a point in life where I have tried about everything I am interested in trying and in my relationship we both know what each other likes. And for some of us, life and relationships arise to a point where there are other things to think about than just doing the "freaky". For me it is about enjoying a variety and balance of activities together that bring meaning to the relationship. And yes, if i want something fresh or freaky, I can still get it elsewhere if I choose to...but I find myself quite busy and happy with what I have. Its all about balance.
