www.CostaRicaTicas.com

The Divorce of Mikey Styles

A few days ago, my wife (Mrs. Styles) asked me to meet her out for drinks. While at the bar, she dropped two bombshells. First, she said that she had cheated on me. Okay, I am a realist and I know that ALL GIRLS CHEAT, but it still is a shocker when you hear it from your own wife of 15 years. Next, she said that not only had she cheated, but that she was also pregnant. We both knew that her pregnancy was from someone else, because I had a vasectomy 10 years ago. Finally, she said that she is going to keep the baby. I did not yell or get excited; in fact, I simply went home, packed my stuff, and moved out. What is so heart wrenching about this situation is that we already have 4 boys whose ages range from 10 to 15 years old. I cannot fathom why she would want to raise a baby all over again.
I am not sure why I am posting this here. I spoke with one of my friends and he said that I am “reaping what I sowed” and that all of my trips to Costa Rica having fun with chicas have finally caught up with me. He mentioned “karma” and that I brought this on myself. I have not consulted an attorney just yet, but I plan to this week. Wish me luck….

Mikey
I'm sorry to hear what's going on in your house, brother. Regardless of what kind of shape the marriage is in, what happened to you can hurt. You got the double whammy.

No doubt, many of us can relate to what you're going through. Rather than point the finger at you, I feel sympathy. I hope you hold up and hang in there.

Ciaociao

First sue her for divorce, get it entered somewhere that you are not financially liable for the extra K*D cuz in the us laws, if you are married to her the courts assume it is yours... and second Punch that friend of yours.. no one deserves the problems that you are about to encounter..
good luck.. (did not vote due to the fact that i never met you)
sorry all women are _______.

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I know nothing, nothing!

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Rainman3

The karma response is bullshit. Seriously.

It sounds to me like your marriage had already entered the "extended support" phase (yeah, i'm in technology, sue me.. ) You were both conveiently using your marriage as a base of operations, raising the family, but otherwise largely ignoring each other. That's why most women cheat, feeling ignored at home. Ironically, many of us do the same because we both get into a mode where we can't break out of that behavior.

I don't see why her being pregnant should add any extra insult or stress to the situation. She acknowledges it's not yours. It's her cross to bear, not yours. It's her own price for being stupid.

15 years is a long time, of course.. but it sounds like you were prepared for this to happen. You knew what to do, and you're moving on. You've got some emotions to deal with, but you know what to do.

My condolences, Mikey.

As an Attorney, a man who was served his divorce papers at the Presidente, and having paid money to 3 ex-wives, I have the following advice.
First come to a decision about whether this relationship is absolutely and forever over. This is not easy to do and will take some time.
Relationships are not a spectator sport and so I have nothing to say about this. Only that the sooner you come to a decision and stick to it the sooner you will resolve your problems.

If you decide the relationship is over, move out, cease all direct contact as much as posssible and try to locate a young, aggressive, and upcoming lawyer. You do not need the best or the most expensive, only someone that cares and will work for you. Divorce law is really quite simple, millions of cases take place annually in the courts.

As a man who probably will not have custody the court is dealing with a poor wife and her Ch*ldren (they are not interested in fault or who had sex with who). You will not prevail. So your best course of action is to put up a vigourous defense knowing all the while you will settle and never go to trial. This is my free advice to you. Take it or leave. There will be many others with lots of advice also; GOOD LUCK

You will probably need it with 4 Ch*ldren!!!

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Living life on the beach in Brazil Life could be worse
Duardo

forget about luck and Karma

move back into the house

before it's too late to both reap any financial scraps or have a continuing relationship with you K*ds on YOUR terms not your wife's lawyer

First of all, this is really some deep personal shit to share on a public board. Not that it would make that much difference but perhaps it might have been a little more wisely posted in the semi-secure VIP section or not at all and just discussed mano a mano over drinks at the SL - if you wanted to share it at all.

I agree completely with cariden. You REALLY need to get a new friend. What an extreme dickhead! Talk about kicking a friend while he's down. Maybe you DID deserve it but that is not for him or us or any of your other friends to say. Better for the rest of us not to make any judgment at all or keep it to ourselves if thats the way we feel. I assumed you're looking for advice or perhaps consolation, not a phucking guilt trip. Are you sure your supposed friend is not the one who ratted you out to your wife (assuming she knows all about your activities in CR) or is even the father of the Ch*ld. That would be the 3rd bomb!

I voted no because I don't think anyone deserves what you got no matter what they've been doing. At worst, you've BOTH been behaving badly and SHARE the blame. Frankly, however, you didn't really post enough for any of us to make that call. Your supposed friend said you deserved it because of what you've been doing in CR. Maybe so. But I'd have to ask first, why have you been doing what you have in CR. Has you been getting so little sex at home (perhaps because apparently your wife has been getting hers somewhere else)? Which came first (assuming that is what it was) her lack of putting out for you (and her going elsewhere) or your lack of interest in her and subsequent pursuit of chicas in CR? Or, more likely, were a lot of other factors involved? If this was supposedly some sort of result of your activities in CR, as you "friend" suggests, did she herself cite that as a reason justifying what she did or, alternatively does she not really know for certain (if at all) what you've been up to? If she suspected, why didn't she simply confront you with that, ask for a divorce, seek to discuss it and work it out, or do anything else to express her anger and sense of betrayal other than to just go and sneak around behind your back and do something that was JUST as bad. Actually what she did was far worse, since she got herself knocked up and is bringing an unwanted Ch*ld (at least by you) into your household. I think we can safely assume you never knocked up a chica and then asked your wife to accept it into your family and help raise it.

One thing that was really smart of her was asking you to meet her out for drinks before she dropped these bombshells. One is much less likely to make a scene in public. You said you did not yell or get excited when she finally told you. Perhaps that is also partly because you already realized your marriage was not all it once was. After all you've probably been going to CR for some reason and she probably felt something similar or she wouldn't have cheated herself. Since apparently neither of you are getting everything you want out of your marriage and are seeking it elsewhere, maybe starting to get that part out in the open is as much a relief as anything else and you don't really care that much about the other cheating.

Getting knocked up by someone else and wanting to bring it into your collective household and you to accept it is a whole other thing. I understand why your first reaction was to pack up and move out. You needed space to take in what you just learned and to cool off. But if you think about it, it is really HER that should have been kicked out. If she wants to keep the Ch*ld that IS absolutely HER choice, but that doesn't mean that she has to make you, who is not even the real father take any responsibility for the Ch*ld. If she wants to keep it, then SHE should move out and raise it with her new boyfriend. Its completely HER responsibility and HIS not yours. Not only having someone else's Ch*ld out of wedlock but expecting you to accept it into your family as a constand reminder of HER infidelity is more than any woman has a right to ask a man.

These are all my opinions and I'll admit I probably don't know what the heck I'm talking about or have any right to comment (though you did ask). I also don't expect you to respond with more personal detail. And I certainly wouldn't presume to ask or answer the next set of questions that this episode leads to, which are all the legal ones.

I'm guessing your vasectomy is pretty good evidence of your lack of paternity in this matter though DNA testing might be in order to remove all possible doubt. Even then as Ciaociao pointed out US marriage law is phucked up enough that you might get whacked with some responsibility anyway. I suspect however that madgerman is probably right that you don't have much to worry about on that score.

The bigger question concern your marriage and your existing Ch*ldren. If this means divorce, then what Duardo said is right. You're most likely screwed when it come to the question of custody of your existing Ch*ldren. You have to weigh all that, and any remaining feelings you have for your wife, and decide whether you want to try and salvage some semblance of an intact family, with all the hust you will have to get past, against calling it quits and going your seperate ways (except for the joys of any alimony, Ch*ld support and joint custody visits).

And, apart from the questions you need to ask yourself, these are all questions that require further confidential detail on your part and are better addressed by a real family law attorney rather than any of us.

MS,

I don't know you, but I am sorry to hear about this. I've enjoyed your photos and posts here on CRT. Every situation is different, so I can't say much other than be nice to your K*ds. Divorce is always extremely difficult for them.

Kick

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"All them women gonna make me,
teach 'em what they don't know how..." TMIB

your vote is the only one that counts here
sounds like with four Ch*ldren you are always going to be connected in some fashion.
if you both have been behaving badly maybe there is a chance to be friends still instead of butt hurt. 15 years is a long time.
and from your photos you look to have lots of years ahead of you. if she is a reasonable woman maybe they can be good ones not filled with bitterness and resentment.
stay calm and think about whats best for you. good luck

hey man im sorry to hear this

I'm not voting on this, because I really don't think it's something to vote on. I don't think you're any less to blame than she is, but it's still a rough thing to have happen to you. Of course, any time you have things happening on the side you have to be prepared for the eventuality that this kind of confrontation might happen. That doesn't make it any easier, and it's especially difficult when there's Ch*ldren involved. Having the K*ds involved also makes it less of a good idea to start pointing fingers and leveling blame, especially if you don't know what she knows. Who knows what she could end up saying to the K*ds in a fit of anger? That could hurt you more in the long run than the divorce itself.

If you want to salvage the relationship, then keeping your wife in exile isn't a great way to do it. I would say that a good, civilized sit-down between the two of you is advisable, to determine whether you both do in fact want to stay together or not. If you do then you take whatever steps are needed to do so. If you decide that you don't then it behooves everyone to remain civilized and as friendly as possible about the whole thing, both for your own benefit in going through the divorce and for the benefit of the K*ds, since all of these people (your wife included) will be in your life and will have to interact with each other in the future. The less acrimony the better.

It's still a good idea to get some quiet legal advice right away, even if you do decide that you want to stay together. Best to know what your options are and no to be caught unprepared. You just might not want to initiate any overt legal options just yet. Also, support and advice from your brothers here is great, but get legal advice from a lawyer in your jurisdiction, and go with that. Whatever legal skills or smarts the boys here might have, nobody has all the facts about your life, and that's needed to make smart and informed decisions.

Sorry again to hear about this, and I wish you the best of luck.

Mikey, I know you gotta be hurting over this, but please remember to think of your 4 Ch*ldren and be sure and keep your communication with them of the utmost importance. Any guy who goes through this(and I am one) needs to talk a lot and get this out of their system and take interest in your K*D's activities.

Mikey
Trust me
What ever the divorce costs it WILL BE WORTH IT!
Sure it will be tough for a while but you can deal with it.
Hang in there Man

Mag

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Rio4Me4Ever is on a constant quest for premium trim.

i don't think prior behavior has anything to do with it...

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I know nothing, nothing!