www.CostaRicaTicas.com

I must agree with Traylor Park, Mia2EWR and (dare I say it?) Berk here.

In my opinion, this is not the time to go to C.R. and get laid. At best, C.R. would be a temporary and in the end, ineffective bandaid for your sorrows. At worst, the pain you're feeling now could ruin your enjoyment of the trip. Get your affairs in order, mentally, financially and most importantly emotionally before you jump into someone new.

T.P.'s advice is golden, point by point. No, the lady does not love you anymore, regardless of what she might have said. She will always care for you, if for no other reason than that you are the father of your k*ds...but your relationship is dead and cannot be resurrected.

My advice for what it's worth: Get yourself as healthy as possible in all respects. Then, when you're ready, Costa Rica will be ready for you.

I sympathize with you, and I agree with others here who have suggested a change in your screen name. You're not an idiot simply because your wife cheated on you. You're a bright guy who is going through some nasty shit right now, but like a kidney stone...this pain too shall pass.

My best wishes to you.

Paul

_________________
Pura Vulva! Wandering through the dark, I am El Ciego.

I personally think it depends on what type of person you are & how you handle things. Time does heal all to a degree. Places south of the border can open one’s eyes up in more ways than one. For me it lets me see better what parts of a woman I want in my life & what I can live without . It really opened more doors than anything else which can make things a bit more confusing. Guys that are easily miss lead & taken advantage of should distance themselves from fast loose women IMHO.

_________________
"Run silent, run deep"
Spunk glazed Chicas are the building blocks of the universe!

Some interesting perspectives here covering a number of conflicting views. I think the list Traylor Park added and El Ciego's comments (to name a couple) are good places to start.

Let me add my viewpoint:

I won't bore you with my stories. I will say there were no Ch*ldren involved, I got out of all 3 with minimum financial pain but the emotional scars still exist today. Fortunately I'm still on very good terms with all 3 of my ex-wives.

I spent some time with a 56 yr old guy this weekend in Medellin who just went through a divorce. They have a 9 yr old daughter in the middle. It all came out of the blue to him. They were still sleeping together while she was already speaking with her attorney. He found out about it when he was served the papers. The real kicker is they are BOTH divorce lawyers.

First thing to consider is if one person says it's over, it's over. It might all work out in the long run but for now here are some tips to consider:

DON'T GO TO COSTA RICA! It might be a salve for some but I have a feeling that after being married for 15 years (if you haven't had any outside affairs) now is not the time to jump into the fire. Having sex with a bunch of young prostitutes isn't really much of a cure. It might help for the moment but it also might just add to the confusion. Let's get you squared away first before we start international mongering. If you have to ask someone if you should go, then you're really not ready.

Believe it or not time will help heal the open wounds you have in your gut and heart right now. I would suggest keeping contact with your wife to a minimum. Each time you see her will either cause you pain or you'll want to deck her. Neither is healthy. Each time will most likely just reset the clock back to the first minute in your healing process.

Do not continually run the tape through your mind of "What happened?" or "What could I have done differently?" or "What will I do now?". There are often no answers when things happen. Maybe she just got bored. Maybe she just wanted to feel "special" again. Maybe he worked on her until she just gave in. Whatever it was, just move on. Rehashing it won't fix it and won't really make any difference in the long run. What's done is done. Obsessing over it will only make it harder to move on. TRUST ME ON THIS!

Even if some day down the road the two of you get back together the time apart will only make it better. You need to get away from the situation and the pain but do it within your hometown. The gym is a good place to start. The difference in your body (internally and externally) will help you cope and make you feel better about yourself. You have to work the stress out of your system.

There will be plenty of time for "other" activities but travel isn't really a cure for the pain you feel. Remember, you cannot run from yourself. You are also in a very vulnerable position. You need to visit Latin America with a solid emotional foundation under you because it will change your life even if you aren't emotionally stable.

In time you'll feel better and you'll see things more clearly. You'll be amazed that you survived but you will. There is nothing that can't be dealt with and I'm sure there a number of guys here who have been where you are now.

Good luck and keep us informed.

Wit

In the words of a famous American; I suggest you start drinking heavily....and book a trip to CR before during and after

_________________
“Good people sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf.” And we are the guys that keep them in Eggs & Grits

Thanks for not boring us with your stories, but that explains alot. The 3rd time is usually the charm; except in your case Witless?

Why not try a P4P GFE for the 4th?

_________________
“Good people sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf.” And we are the guys that keep them in Eggs & Grits

Timmy,
Here's a tip:
Grow up.

Why? So I can be like you? a 3 time loser?

Dude, just say Uncle and we part as friends. Otherwise, like White on rice.

_________________
“Good people sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf.” And we are the guys that keep them in Eggs & Grits

They say living well is the best revenge, what about seeing the one that did you wrong living poorly? i would say that is just as good.

_________________
“Good people sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf.” And we are the guys that keep them in Eggs & Grits

TB, actually, its not the same to see others live poorly as to live well yourself. Wishing others bad is never good for the karma. Their stuff will come back on them without any evil wishes from ex-s. Revenge is a very bitter fruit best avoided.

"Idiot" - Seems like you got some pretty good advice before the adolescent drivel hijacked the thread. May I add or at least reinforce:

- DO NOT try to fix it yourself. Hire the best attorney you can afford and let him do his work. Lay out your scenario and leave him alone.

- Let the attorney deal with her. Men tend to be self destructive when facing a split-up, especially when they are not the ones initiating the split. They tend to give away their possessions and their power, agreeing to whatever gets it over with. Avoid this as the feeling will pass and you will wish you had your stuff back.

- Concentrate on being the best you. As far as I can tell, this is about the fastest way out of the doldrums that come after a split. Know that you are ripe for a rebound "love". Work on doing things that elevate your self worth (any kind of improvement, physical, educational, etc.).

I think Costa Rica may be a bad idea aslong as you are in the needy post-split blues. Even if you were about to dump her, her dropping the bomb on you naturally shakes up your psyche and cause predictable reactions. She becomes much more attractive because she is no longer attainable. Suddenly all you think about are the great times you had together. This is normal and will pass.

When you are feeling more together, plan a trip down and have a great time. Don't even think about "dating" anyone for at least a year. The urge to replace the woman with another, soon, is common and should be avoided at all costs. It would be a relationship for all the wrong reasons.

Good luck.

_________________
"Your love gives me such a thrill
but your love don't pay my bills,
I NEED THE MONEY!" - John Lee Hooker

Disclaimer: The above is merely the opinion of the author unless specific scientific data is included.
Your mileage may vary. https://costaricaticas.com/phpBB2/viewto ... 978#206978

Best advice on this thread. I discovered Tijuana after my divorce. Gave me a new purpose in life. CR will be your Tijuana. Gringas play games and she will do whatever she can do to manipulate you. It is her nature since birth.Don't let her. Be firm, let the lawyers handle it. Go to CR where there is hope.Will do wonders for your self esteem.

My centavos, idiota (and we are all idiots to a degree):

-> Life has dealt you a serious and phucked up blow. You have primarily two options, one which will see you down a road laden with the potholes called guilt, remorse, anger and betrayal -- the other is the same road but with sunshine overhead. You see, there really are no other roads but to live the life you have in front of you. I truly feel your wife could have worked things out with you (every marriage has its problems, obviously), and that may even be the case.

Let's role play, however (no, not that kind). If she *does* give up the relationship, and you *do* try and forgive her -- what then? Each and every time you're in bed together bumping uglies thoughts will creep into your head and you'll have a difficult time. Are you looking forward to many more years of that?

The K*ds are the most difficult part. I'm a product of a typical american divorced family. It pretty much phucked up my life and, well, I made it through. Your K*ds will too, if they're anything like you seem to be.

-> You're going to require some serious time healing, and that it will sometimes come and go, but in the end you will hopefully see steady progress.


I know all of these things are pretty much just suggestions and advice. But you've found your way into probably the best of all places for advice from people who pretty much lived your life and your struggles to the 't' -- minus the nitty gritty.

Take some time to clear your thoughts.Emotions are typically best found in chicas, and so logic must prevail and I encourage you to get a fully logical view of the situation. Think: What would Spock do?

Take care...[/b]

It looks like she's finally seen that Mr. Perfect was so perfect after all and she has broken it off with him or so she says. She wants me back, maybe for the K*ds, maybe for the money, possibly love, maybe more or a combination of all, who knows? I don't really know what to do. We're seeing a counselor in a few days and I'm still living separately and going to take it slow.

Idiot,
Good idea to pace yourself. You're already on your own so there is no reason to make any sudden moves. Your wife sounds a little confused if she's jumping back and forth. Give her time to get her shit together, too.

A month would be the minimum time apart. Three months might be better. It might seem like a long time in the moment but it won't be in the grand scheme of things.

If it's going to work out it's going to take some time, open communication and a lot of love and understanding. If in the end you decide to go your separate ways we'll still be here for you.

Good luck.

Amigo,

I have to agree with Wit. Time and space do wonders. Again, my main suggestion to you is to CLEAR YOUR HEAD. It simply cannot be understated. Lay low for a bit, etc. Life will still be there in a few days or weeks or whatever, when you check back in.

Get other distractions out of your head and make goals for yourself to come to various decisions by certain times, at least tentatively. I would plan for both getting back together, and for going your separate ways. In this instance, you'd have plan a and b, and they need to be locked up tight. You don't want a mental breakdown in the midst of all this. I know, personally, that I have to stick to a plan, or else I waver uncontrollably, which is my own personal downfall.

Last, my advice on Costa Rica -- it would only cloud your judgment at this point, and confuse the matter, your emotions, etc. Please heed this bit -- a grown man, happily married or not, cannot honestly turn down the opportunity and availability of hot tail in that country. Don't tempt yourself, and you'll thank yourself later for this little part.

Again, Good Luck.

I'll chime in once more: Never forget that this is your decision, too. She doesn't get a free pass just because she "saw the light", for whatever reason, permanently or temporarily.

You are at a crossroads, one of the few times when you get to make a clear decision that will undoubtedly affect the rest of your life. Time and clear thinking are needed before any real decision can be reached. Right now your head is in a spin and you are going through a series of emotions similar to mourning the death of a loved one. Time will allow this to play out, your head will clear and what you really want and need to do will become apparent.

Remember, you only get to live life once....there is no dress rehearsal.

_________________
"Your love gives me such a thrill
but your love don't pay my bills,
I NEED THE MONEY!" - John Lee Hooker

Disclaimer: The above is merely the opinion of the author unless specific scientific data is included.
Your mileage may vary. https://costaricaticas.com/phpBB2/viewto ... 978#206978