www.CostaRicaTicas.com

I'm sure this post is probably going to get a chorus of "get your head out of your ass!" but I'll post anyway. My American wife of fifteen years told me the other day that she is having an affair and that she's in love with him. Well, to be honest, I'm heartbroken. Not just because of her but because of our two small chil*ren. I really don't know what to do. She hasn't broken it off with him and doesn't appear interested in doing so. She says she still loves me too. I talked with a divorce attorney and he says she'll cheat on me again for sure. I've moved out and I miss the them in the evening terribly. Again, I'm just really beside myself and feel very lonely. No sleep and it feels like a punch in the gut 24 hours a day. Any thoughts on what you would really do in my situation. Should I book a trip to C.R. before or after the divorce if I get one? Would going to C.R. hurt me in the courtroom pre-divorce? Should I try to work things out for the K*ds? Please give me some serious replies. I'll try to post some less heavy stuff when I'm in a better mood. Thanks!

It's almost never a good idea to 'work something out for the K*ds'. I speak as a Ch*ld of divorce in the 70's and frankly, K*ds are resillient. They'll adapt, so long as you continue to be a part of their life (many guys forget to do that, or the ex makes it difficult).

Move on. The "i still love you" bit is just her trying to keep her options open. Seriously. Guys use that line too when they want a booty call when they have nothing else.

Get your ass to Costa Rica and enjoy some quality time with a few ticas, and you'll change your mind (maybe).

if you're intentions are to divorce her imho you should hold off on the CR trip if possible. it can only make things worse if found out.
play the injured party and play on her guilt to get your best deal.
then realize your dreams and begin your life over the way it should be.
and the german is right. K*ds are resilient. be honest with them and don't try to play them against mom. they know more than you think.
good luck and sorry for your misfortune.

Good advise already given. Let me reinforce the message that you be honest with your Ch*ldren. DO NOT use them as a weapon against your wife, and to the best of your ability, don't let her use them as a weapon against you. That does more damage to the Ch*ldren than anything else.

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Tyrus

I am sorry for your troubles. The CRT brotherhood has given you good advice. You don't say where you live. If you are in a "no fault" state like Fl. it may not even matter who had the affair. So come on down and have a blast which should help ease your pain. At least temporarily. And I would still keep your "fishing, eco-adventure, white water rafting, dental work or business" trip on the DL. Even though CR is now a major family travel destination, the more cynical especially lawyers may jump to conclusions.

Read the post on masking phone numbers also.

God Bless!


On a lighter note, that sure is a hell of a "First Post'

PURA VIDA!

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Livin' & Lovin' in Key Largo....oh....And the one in The Keys, too!

I REALLY hate reading stories like this.

I went thru the same thing in 1990 with my high school sweetheart. She cheated 4 times and dumb ass me kept on taking her back, I guess I just couldn't except life without her or move on. Finally my brother knocked some sense into me and I filed for Divorce. She and I had a real bad fight one night after she received her papers and she hit me with a pipe at her mothers house, of course we never hit each other before that night but I knock her ass out that night. She called the cops and they called it mutual combat and left us numbers for counciling. Funny thing is, we've been best friends ever since that night. Maybe we should have slapped each other around sooner in the relationship. That's a joke. We sat down before court and worked out that I would have custody if she didn't have to pay Ch*ld support. In Florida that doesn't really mean much since both of you will still have shared parental responsibility, I would just have the residential custody. She was only 19 at the time and we never should have married that young. I also joined a group called CODECO. It's a group for co dependent people needing a little boost of self esteem after divorce or a death of a Ch*ld. Basically its counciling. But it worked. I can only say, hang in there. The grass is always greener on the other side. I know you hurt like hell now, but trust me it will get better brother. It won't happen overnight, just try to keep busy and try to be with the K*ds as much as possible. Remember its not their fault and you must never talk bad about their mother no matter how bad things get. She is still their mother and should be treated with respect when around the K*ds. I know it sounds like BS but it works. The nicer you are the more pissed she will get, this may be a favor for you later. Take-Care and yes get your ass to CR NOW. Pay cash as to not create a paper trail for the Gringa to use against you later.

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"You can only keep a secret between two people if the other one is dead." Ben Franklin

Thanks for the words thus far. I believe I'll wait and if I become divorced then I'll book a trip. Some days it's hard to even think about going on.

not sure what your DL told you but I thought you were never supposed to leave the house

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But mama, that's where the fun is

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Exercise is good for shedding stress and dealing with emotional pain. Try going to a tanning saloon. Exercise and a new glow to your face will up lift your spirits and confidence. Go to Costa Rica as soon as possible. Screw a different chica every day and take a good look around. You will realize how fortunate we are hear in the US.

Good plan, but like Lionking stated get into counseling or something to that effect. Find like minded people who have "been there" and have overcome the same obstacles who can provide you encouragement and direction. The issues you are facing have to be dealt with head-on and not by making a trip to another land to screw a bunch of hookers. While that may be fun it does nothing to solve the situation before you.

Avoid the "bottle" if you are so inclined. It only makes matters worse.

Berk....

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FRUITCAKE... and you thought it was something you eat! Not on CRT!

I'm sorry to hear about what you are going through. I am very recently divorced (8 mo) with 3 small Ch*ldren. Assuming you've realized that this is the end, do everything to work through this as quickly as possible.

To echo a previous post, if you are in a state like mine (CO), it is "no fault" and it doesn't matter what you do.

Get a trip in as quickly as possible, work through the seperation issues with a mediator right away. Get a certain number of days per week when the Ch*ldren are with you. Make their lives as unchanged as possible. Spend some money on a trip, have some fun.

Then when you are final, book another trip and celebrate. I swear that I am so much happier and healthier now that my similar situation is over.

Best of luck to you

Try to put things into perspective to help you look at your current situation from another angle.

1. You are not the first guy whose wife cheated on him.
2. You are not the first married couple to ever get divorced.
3. She still "loves you." This is what many people say to former lovers in an effort to lesson the blow. She may love you, but no longer is in love with you. DO NOT let the word "LOVE" confuse the truth of the matter.
4. As the MadGerman stated, It's almost never a good idea to 'work something out for the K*ds'.
5. There are many great people out in the world whose parent's divorced. All the K*ds really want is your unconditional love, not to be confused with expensive gifts.
6. It's time to hit the gym and get yourself back into shape, physically this will benefit you mentally.
7. Spend quality time with your K*ds. It's about spending time with the K*ds, not trying to glean information about the soon-to-be ex-wife. Take them to the movies, park, museums, spend the day at the mall, buy everyone an ice-cream, and don't forget to by yourself one too. It tastes so good, and you deserve it.
8. From your post, it doesn't seem like she's acting like a "bitch" as so many women seem to do when they want a divorce. It could be far worse.
9. Don't spend your time trying to get her back, trying to get back at her, or blaming yourself for the break up, people grow apart all the time.
10. It's NOT the end of the world, but the beginning of a whole new life for you.


KEEP YOUR HEAD UP!

Great words

I must ad I have never been married but it seems like you have a chance with her to be cool for each other and not just the K*ds. It may be tough but you have to make a decision that is best for you. That is the only way you can be effective for your K*ds

NYG

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Damm that water is cold!!!
And deep too!!!

Sorry that you're going through a divorce, the same thing happened to me in the 70s ,but I had only one Ch*ld at the time. In retrospect in was the best thing that happened to me, now that I see my ex-wife at certain unavoidable family functions. The hardest part of the entire situation was having to give up my son. At the time there was no "joint custody" I got to visit him on the wim of my ex. .
The ex at the time was a 115lb blond, blue eye beauty, who could charm the birds out of the trees, and apparenly many of my so called friends. I too tried to patch the marrige for my son, she continued screwing my friends.
She now tips the scales at about 210lb and is miserable cu*t. Living off who ever she can.
I wish at the time I knew about C.R. If that would have healed my broken heart I don't know, but it would have certainly helped. I know exactly how you feel. If it helps your not the first to go through this ,nor the last.

GET THE BEST TERMS you can and move on take care of your self,
lay off the alcohol, exercise, start eating healthy, and keep your head.
Stay in your K*ds lifes, in the long term you'll be the winner.
Flaco