Define "being in control"

Patriot · **Posted:** Thu Jan 24, 2008 9:41 am

I am sure there will be as many definitions of this as there are members.

After reading many of the posts here and in the other sections the consensus is that the ticas want the man to be in control.

What do people mean by being in control

PacoLoco · **Posted:** Thu Jan 24, 2008 10:29 am

I'll take a stab at this one.

In gringo land many men are conditioned to cater to woman's every whim or emotional state, walk on eggshells so as not to upset her, let her make big decisions, let her choose how to spend our money, buy our way into her heart, spend to impress, etc... Most women will respect a man much more that simply takes charge and acts like a man and leader in the relationship. Don't ask your date what she would like for dinner, just make the decision and take her someplace. Don't ask her what she wants to do tonight, tell her what you're doing and ask if she wants to come along. Don't tolerate bad behavior form her, no matter how hot she is. May not seem like a big deal but think about it- if a man can't even make little decisions like these on his own without her approval or put his foot down when "tested" then she will most likely see him as indecisive, insecure and weak. Women pay attention to details so the little things matter. Occasionally I see some HDR puta leading some guy around by the hand telling her amigas what "their" plans are for the evening- who do you think is in control? There's volumes written on the subject, in fact I can send you an e-book on the topic if you want, just pm me your email.

Why "nice guys" finish last with women- http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/ ... s/ng.shtml

from a woman-

Quote:

So I'm dating a nice guy now and it SUCKS. No other way to explain it, it just SUCKS. He's no challenge. He agrees with everything I say. He's got it all though - a decent job, a nice house, no K*ds, no psycho ex-wives, and he's tall and cute. Anyone ever seen that Friends episode when Alec Baldwin played Phoebe's boyfriend?? YEAH, my boyfriend is THAT nice. He's just too phucking nice. Nice is boring. I've never heard him raise his voice. He's never aggressive. He has no edge. He won't even drive over the speed limit and that phucking annoys the shit out of me, yet I sit in the passenger seat and keep my mouth shut... watching everyone whiz by us.

And don't get me started on the sex. Oh, excuse me... making love. After he cums (note I didn't mention anything about ME cumming), he rolls over and says "Oh, that was nice" with a little sigh. I K*D YOU NOT, he says it EVERY TIME and then he sighs like he has just woken from a refreshing nap. I finally got so tired of missionary and him looking lovingly into my eyes and smiling as he came, that I threw him down on the couch one night and mounted him. At first he was terrified - yes, TERRIFIED. He thought something had possessed me. And it HAD -- it was sheer MADNESS. I phucked the shit out of him that night. And then he sighed and said "Oh, that was nice".

Now that we had the cowgirl position conquered (always with that sigh afterwards), it was time to move on to doggie. His ex-girlfriend never did doggie (hmmm... maybe there's a "nice" ex-girlfriend to blame for his timid niceness?? That bitch...). Anyway, I digress. I tell him I want him to Phuck me from behind. Yes, I used the word "Phuck" and I didn't care what he thought about it. He gets behind me and enters me, and damned if he didn't say "OH, THIS IS NICE" !!! Are there any 35 y/o men out there that haven't smacked a woman's ass when doing her doggie?? YES, and he's my boyfriend!

Tonight during sex, I think I'm gonna tell him to stick his finger in my ass when I'm riding him. THAT should be interesting.

So for the nice guys out there, my advice is this: It's great that you're nice (to an extent), but have some backbone. Don't be a spine donor all your life. When your girl is out of line, say something. Don't let her walk all over you. Occasionally, be a "bad" boy (being bad doesn't translate to abusive or criminal). Say "No" to her sometimes. Raise your voice and be heard. Say something dirty/sexy to her occasionally. Drink a few too many beers and piss out in public. Smack her ass. Don't ever use the word NICE to describe things, especially sex (okay, that may be a personal pet peeve). Have an interest in at LEAST one sport (or pretend to). Drive 5-10 miles over the speed limit once in awhile. Run an old lady off the road just for kicks (yeah, I'm kidding about this one... just ride her bumper for a few miles). Be aggressive during sex. Take off those damn white socks and Jesus sandals. Grow a goatee for a few weeks. Shave your balls. Stray from your routine and shake things up.

BE A MAN FOR GOD'S SAKE... and the women will fall at your feet.

Tman · **Posted:** Thu Jan 24, 2008 2:48 pm

Quote:

Occasionally I see some HDR puta leading some guy around by the hand telling her amigas what "their" plans are for the evening- who do you think is in control?

Good post and right on Paco. I have cracked up at times seeing guys come down to CR and the Delrey...and be led around on a leash by these pros the same way they are/were by their wives back home. Hard to teach an old dog... :wink:

Casper · **Posted:** Thu Jan 24, 2008 5:36 pm

I am with you on this PL. I was just discussing this with Pac55 last night.

A strong man, in charge, will give a woman a feeling of security that they don't even understand herself. When a woman is with a strong man, they feel less vulnerable to the outside world. A strong man gives a woman a feeling that she is safe from the forces that might otherwise do her harm.

American women think they want control, but it just makes them feel less secure and in turn more miserable. When they are miserable, they make us miserable. It is a vicious cycle.

What women need most psychologically is to feel secure. When a man is weak and gives up control to a woman, it makes them feel less secure and more vulnerable. Most women in the US are also control freaks and this is the source of their own insecurity. These women are conflicted at a level that they do not even understand themselves. Because the more they grasp for control from men, the less secure they actually feel within themselves.

Latin women are much happier and better adjusted because they understand the simple fact that a strong man that is in control is what they really want psychologically. American women are just plain phucked up.

PacoLoco wrote:

I'll take a stab at this one.

In gringo land many men are conditioned to cater to woman's every whim or emotional state, walk on eggshells so as not to upset her, let her make big decisions, let her choose how to spend our money, buy our way into her heart, spend to impress, etc... Most women will respect a man much more that simply takes charge and acts like a man and leader in the relationship. Don't ask your date what she would like for dinner, just make the decision and take her someplace. Don't ask her what she wants to do tonight, tell her what you're doing and ask if she wants to come along. Don't tolerate bad behavior form her, no matter how hot she is. May not seem like a big deal but think about it- if a man can't even make little decisions like these on his own without her approval or put his foot down when "tested" then she will most likely see him as indecisive, insecure and weak. Women pay attention to details so the little things matter. Occasionally I see some HDR puta leading some guy around by the hand telling her amigas what "their" plans are for the evening- who do you think is in control? There's volumes written on the subject, in fact I can send you an e-book on the topic if you want, just pm me your email.

Why "nice guys" finish last with women- http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/ ... s/ng.shtml

Santas Bro · **Posted:** Thu Jan 24, 2008 6:56 pm

For me it is when my big head is thinking faster, and with more intelligence, than my little head. :shock:

Thirdworld · **Joined:** Tue Nov 09, 2004 11:07 am **Posts:** 4858

The control issue is funny for me. And frustrating at times.. I am not able to give up control, no way. I had issues with this last year and it felt like being in prison at times. But I'm talking about not giving up control of my life. I'm definitely not a control freak. In fact I have no desire to control anyone else. Too much resposibility for me. In an ideal situation, no control is needed from either side. And it can be a drawback. I'm too lazy to do the training that is necesary. And in a lot of cases it is almost necesary. So, I have been in a kind of purgatory a couple of times. I'm not giving up control but I am not trying to control her. In fact I probably come off as indifferent at times. And that confuses the chicas sometimes. They look at you kind of funny when you tell them, "sure, no problem, go out with your friends, I'll see you tomorrow." We can write on this forum for the next 50 years. We are never going to figure these creatures out. And that guys, is the beauty of it....

Jdd · **Joined:** Fri Mar 17, 2006 9:42 pm **Posts:** 598

Very well put, PL. Couldn't agree more, although it took me a few years to figure this out. :oops:

Tman · **Posted:** Fri Jan 25, 2008 1:35 pm

actually thirdworld is hitting on something here. a lot of the regular girls in my opinion are LOOKING for control...stability, a schedule, something solid to look forward to each day. Most people as we know find it hard to "be alone". Most women want someone they can count on day in day out...which leaves most of us out :oops:

.

So, while no one wants to feel "controlled", most want some defining boundaries and absolutes in their relational lives. Thats why people pursue marriage, novias...etc etc. It will be easier to woo an attractive non pro if you offer them these controls and definitions in a relationship. If you are wishy washy and dont show devotion...they will go...NEXT!

Cujo's · **Posted:** Fri Jan 25, 2008 1:46 pm

Define "control" hmmmm..

There's millions of chicas, and only 1 of me...... :wink:

Cujo

D2864 · **Posted:** Fri Jan 25, 2008 7:38 pm

I'm a bit lazy too when it comes to controlling. I think everyone wants to be controlled to a certain extent, especially in a relationship for it actually shows that you care. They want to know that you care.

If my girl told me that she is going to Starbuck to have coffee with Sue, I'd say okay. If she said that she was going out to a club with a bunch of friends, I'd let her know she ain't going to any club without me. I think that if I let her go to the club without me, she would think I didn't care about her so she just might do something that isn't so good since she feels I don't care anyway.

K*ds are like this - they test you all the time, not only to get attention, but to see if you care. A K*D that gets to do anything and everything with parental consent has and knows he/she has parents that really do not care.

Control is just knowing what behavior is reasonable and what is not. When the behavior becomes unreasonable, you had better exert some control or else the relationship is doomed.

Chi_trekker · **Joined:** Wed Jul 13, 2005 10:54 pm **Posts:** 1693

I'm definitely NOT a macho control freak type. Also, I don't think "regular" latinas are truly looking to be controlled in anyway. What they want is to be supported and this not just monetary.... they are very emotionally needy. For example, if they have a bad day and want to talk about. They expect you to listen and hang on every word. If you blow off their emotions, they often react in anger and you are inviting a whole lot of other bullshit into the house.... I've learned this the hard way.

What I think they really have the hots for is "independence"... .meaning guys who are in control of themselves, but not in any way dependent on them emotionally, monetarily, sexually you name it. Tell her to go out with her friends..... or tell her that you are going out with your friends. Don't make it a request... make it a statement.... like they have no choice. Is this machoism? I dunno... but it works.

Pacifica55 · **Posted:** Sat Jan 26, 2008 3:06 pm

I think Paco really hammered it and KC has a handle on it as well. If you are thinking in terms of "control freak" or "controlling others" I don't believe you are seeing the "model" clearly yet.

In my opinion, the only life you need to control is your own. If you are obviously in control of your environment, demonstrate integrity and character and are uncompromising in what is and is not acceptable she will see you as steady and secure. Your expectations are clear. You reward positive behavior and consistently hold her accountable for bad behavior. You don't fight. You elect to let her come along for the ride or you drop her off the back based on her behavior.

She can do whatever she wants. If she wants to roll with me, she will make keeping me happy her priority, not the other way around.

Thirdworld wrote:

In fact I have no desire to control anyone else. Too much resposibility for me. In an ideal situation, no control is needed from either side. And it can be a drawback. I'm too lazy to do the training that is necesary. And in a lot of cases it is almost necesary. So, I have been in a kind of purgatory a couple of times.

Think of you life as a ship. A ship can only have one Captain. The Executive Officer is second in command and in charge of all thing internal to the ship. If you make you expectations clear that you are the Captain of your ship and she is the respected second she will understand and respect her role and yours. The conflict and confusion comes when these roles are not clear or when we give up the helm then blame her when we hit the rocks. If you say your woman won't accept a role as second then I suggest that you didn't do a thorough selection process. A woman who is non-compliant is not an acceptable companion unless you are masochistic, (IMHO).

Thirdworld wrote:

I'm not giving up control but I am not trying to control her. In fact I probably come off as indifferent at times. And that confuses the chicas sometimes. They look at you kind of funny when you tell them, "sure, no problem, go out with your friends, I'll see you tomorrow." We can write on this forum for the next 50 years. We are never going to figure these creatures out. And that guys, is the beauty of it....

In my opinion, you have a piece of it here. You are demonstrating that you control you. She can go and do as she pleases and it does not affect the course of your ship as long as your expectations are realistic, known and complied with. Freedom to go with friends is fine, deception is not. Trust is fragile and hard earned.

I think that it is important never to forget that this is a sorting process. We are not trying to impress the girls and show them how cool we are. We are trying to determine if they are sane and stable enough to hang with. If they are disinterested or unpredictably unstable, they don't make the cut no matter how physically attractive they may be. When we don't develop good sorting skills and trust the results, we pay the consequences.

DrForm · **Joined:** Sat Nov 25, 2006 7:03 pm **Posts:** 1651

Chi_trekker wrote:

I'm definitely NOT a macho control freak type. Also, I don't think "regular" latinas are truly looking to be controlled in anyway. What they want is to be supported and this not just monetary.... they are very emotionally needy. For example, if they have a bad day and want to talk about. They expect you to listen and hang on every word. If you blow off their emotions, they often react in anger and you are inviting a whole lot of other bullshit into the house.... I've learned this the hard way.

What I think they really have the hots for is "independence"... .meaning guys who are in control of themselves, but not in any way dependent on them emotionally, monetarily, sexually you name it. Tell her to go out with her friends..... or tell her that you are going out with your friends. Don't make it a request... make it a statement.... like they have no choice. Is this machoism? I dunno... but it works.

Chi i think you pretty much have it down.Latinas like guys that take the reins and they will follow.

Livincr · **Joined:** Tue May 29, 2007 10:58 pm **Posts:** 839

Patriot wrote:

I am sure there will be as many definitions of this as there are members.

After reading many of the posts here and in the other sections the consensus is that the ticas want the man to be in control.

What do people mean by being in control

As has been mentioned in the previous responses control can take on a very different life depending on who is involved.

But in my simplistic IMHO understanding of the question goes.

When we decide to turn off the tap (money) there is no more control anywhere

Zippy · **Joined:** Wed Oct 06, 2004 10:04 pm **Posts:** 2667

I really like what all have posted on this thread. It should be very important for newbies to read IMHO since getting started in the right direction (should be their own direction) really is a big boast. Wimpy men might be standing around with their mouths open but no one here is being tough or hard on women, not saying slap the bitch or anything but just saying how it really is down there I feel.

You have to score one for the Putas on this one that they have figured out how impotent & mentally crippled so many Gringos are. They will sure run with it if allowed. I can see some of these type of men must say â€œwow this is just like home but I GET LAID HERE!!â€

I had one friend visit me in CR that was the real softy type that doesnâ€™t know how to say no to a woman. No one bothered him while I was sitting with him but once I left him alone to play Rummy all the HDR flies swarmed him. He had the ugliest old bag of a puta leading him around everywhere. I couldnâ€™t take it & finely separated him from this disease.

WOW these men do not belong in HDR IMHO they will be pucked over for sure. This low life chica was really pissed at me because she was licking her chops & moving in for the kill.

I would venture to guess the men that keep the balls in their court the whole time have a very satisfying experience where the weaker softer men become entangled in a holy hell. Just ask Rolltide

. At least I admire him for telling his story

.

www.CostaRicaTicas.com

Define "being in control"

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