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The fine art of lying, or is it simply avoiding responsibility?

¿Mentirte yo? ¡Nunca!

“Lie to you? Never!” How many times do we hear this when we feel certain the speaker is lying through his or her teeth? In Costa Rica we hear this phrase, or variations thereof, all of the time. I often feel that the people who utter it may actually have convinced themselves what they’re saying is true, at least at the time they say it. It is only later that it turns out to have been a lie, so they don’t really feel responsible.

Are you confused yet? Well, let me explain: In the States the plumber says he’ll be at your house at 10 a.m. to fix your erupting kitchen sink, but he doesn’t show up until 2 in the afternoon. In Costa Rica if the plumber says 10 a.m. he means 10 a.m. but that doesn’t necessarily mean 10 a.m. today. Or if he says Monday that doesn’t necessarily mean this Monday. He doesn’t consider this lying, just covering all his bases.

Perhaps I’m being unrealistic, or it is just plain old fashioned, but I still expect dinner guests to show up at least near to the appointed time. A friend of ours is notorious for his tardiness. We invited him for dinner once. The agreed-upon evening was Friday, though, given his reputation, setting a specific hour seemed pointless.

We expected him to arrive any time between 5 and 9 p.m. But when he didn’t show up at all, I was miffed.

When I called him next day, he had a battery of excuses, among them, “But you didn’t say what Friday.” I answered that when “Friday” is the day after tomorrow one can safely assume that is the intended “Friday.” If he was confused about the day he should have called to confirm. In any case, he made it up to us by inviting us to dine at his place the following week. All was forgiven. But he knew I had been seriously annoyed by his irresponsible behavior, and he never came late to any appointment with me again.

Many years ago we bought some kitchen appliances at the duty-free market down in Golfito. The woman representing the truckers told us to expect delivery on Tuesday. I asked her to write down the exact date indicating which “Tuesday” she might have in mind and at least an approximation of the time of day the shipment might arrive. I explained to her that we were returning to the States and if the goods were late we could well be gone not to return to Costa Rica for several months.

True to form, however, Tuesday came and went without witnessing the arrival of our new stove and refrigerator. When the truck finally did arrive, 24 hours late, I did not answer the door. The disconcerted driver pounded away, but all remained silent within. Then, from behind the front door, I heard the driver expressing his frustrations over his cell phone to the woman in Golfito who’d made the arrangements.

Presently the phone at our house rang and I answered it with a cheery “¡Hola!” It was, of course, the mendacious matron. “Señor Soto, Señor Soto!” she said in a state approaching panic. “The truck with your appliances is in front of your house!”

“Oh really,” I coolly replied. “¡Si, si, si!” she went on, her voice rising in pitch and volume with each repetition of the word. “Are you not at home?”

The
way we say it
By Daniel Soto



“No,” said I.

“But is this not your home phone number?”

“Yes, this is my home phone number.”

“Then how can you not be at home!?” she asked, now nearing total exasperation.

“Because,” I calmly replied, “You see, I can lie as easily as you can.”

Of course, in the end I did accept the shipment, but I also deducted 25 percent off the delivery charge. When the driver protested, I showed him the paper where the woman had clearly written down the day, date, and time the truck was promised to arrive. I told him I was deducting the money from his fee because the goods were delivered a day late. If he didn’t like it he could take it up with his friend back in Golfito who had set up the shipment in the first place. As you can imagine, he was not what one would call a “happy camper” when he left our house.

This kind of lying is endemic in Costa Rica. The attitude seems to be, “Tell the customer anything to get his money and shut him up, he’ll receive the goods when we get them there, and that’s all there is to that.”

But it’s also possible to lie without saying — or writing — a word. Though the Costa Rican press was positively effusive over the opening of diplomatic relations with mainland China because of the cozy trade agreements that resulted and the anticipation of the arrival of cheap Chinese goods in Costa Rican stores, hardly a word has been mentioned in our press about China’s abysmal human rights record, or the fact that those cheap goods are often produced by what amounts to slave labor.

The same can be said of the trade agreement with the United States: Though countless millions of fulsome words have been said and printed about the glorious benefits this treaty will allegedly provide to ordinary Costa Ricans, our press has clearly repudiated its responsibility to inform the public by neglecting almost altogether to discuss the actual substance of the document. For this reason few Costa Ricans, including, I dare say, many in the government, have not even the foggiest impression of what the trade agreement actually says.

So, it would seem, like sins, there are also lies of commission and omission, but it’s sometimes difficult to decide which of these is the

like our government is truthful and our newspapers tell us the truth..
it is they way of their culture what will be will be..

I have a book for you to read it is called Don't sweat the small stuff and it is all small stuff writen by Richard Carlson . It is simple ways to keep the little things from taking over your Life. # 1 best selling book of the year. I bought it last trip in the San Jose airport made a perfect 3.5 hour trip home read and it really woke me up. Try It, H.

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Always nice to wake up and see what will happen today

It is absolutely the worst part of the culture here. I live here and overall enjoy Costa Rica. When you deal with it daily at all levels of society it becomes more than a humurous cultural difference. You are just as likely to have a well educated upper class Tico businessman lie directly to you as a working girl. I swear they do not even seem to know it.


BKTUNA
I am never going home

Ironic how that particular book would be sold at the San Jose airport where all the gringos have to pass through.

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"With foxes, we must play the fox." ~ Thomas Fuller

I have lived in Costa Rica for seven years. I have never met a Tico or a Tica that is reliable.

My ex-gringa wife can lie as well as any BM chica or anyone in CR for that matter

I have met liars of all race,gender,and socioeconomic classes.I get a kick out of you guys that paint all Ticos as unreliable liars.(just like it's impossible that all Americans are arrogant loudmouth aholes)

Upon review I think you should call and pay those folks their 25 % you took upon yourself to deduct. Things happen in transit and 1 day late in the grand scheme of life is really small stuff. If you are going to enjoy CR and get along you have to give a lot of slack. Relax and enjoy your life. H

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Always nice to wake up and see what will happen today

It is certainly a broad brush stereotype but even most Ticos or Ticas I know joke about it. They do not trust each other at all either. I know both Panamanians and Nicaraugans think Ticos are more untrustworthy than other latin countries. In one year I have been an advisor in about eight business transactions. 7 of the eight had some significant level of untruthfulness or downright fraud involved. In twent years of similar work in the US, I probably saw less than 5% of simialr occurences.

Just because it is stereotypical does not make it false. As far as I can tell the underlying thought process is why wouldn't I lie, it is up to you to determine what to believe.

BKTUNA
I am never going home

Hola B was quoting an article in AM Costa Rica written by Daniel Soto, who writes about Costa Rican slang sayings, in a weekly column. He did not buy the things in Golfito, Soto did.

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Pura Vida
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four
essential food groups:
alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
Alex Levine

Hankkh, What nationality is your wife now, since she's no longer a gringa

DrForm, you may be right that the article over generalized. I really have no idea whether ticos (and ticas) lie any more than any other group of people. But the examples that article provided do illustrate a much more valid generalization that they overlooked. I do think it is entirely fair to say that latinos (again IN GENERAL) have a much more lax attitude about being prompt than most gringos. This is not meant as any sort of value judgement on that tendency, just an observation of common practices. Maybe, from their perspectives, they think we're too hung up and obsessive about arriving everywhere exactly on time. In their culture they just have a much looser attitude about time. "We'll get there when we get there." And all their fellow latinos simply understand that. The problem is that most gringos just don't get it. But even in the US, you'll hear the expression "fashionably late".

As for the tendency to lie, if that really exists, it could also be framed in a much more understanding way. I've also heard the argument that ticos don't like confrontation or to disappoint. I'm not sure how true that is either but it would also explain some of the situations described in the article as well as others that I'm sure we've all run into.

Have you ever asked a tico for directions and gotten something totally messed up. I like the story about the gringo who asked a couple of farmers for directions to somewhere or other and one of them tells him to go down the road and take a left at the cow. The gringo looks at him like he's nuts, since how can anyone say that cow will always be at the same place, but rather than pursue it he just walks off confused. The other farmer laughs because he already understands that is just their way of saying "I don't really know, but its off that way someplace". They don't like to disappoint, so instead of saying they don't know they just make something up. You could sit and complain about it or you can understand that and figure that at least they'll at least point you in the right general direction. So you follow what I call the rule of halfs. Go halfway to whereever they said to go and then just ask someone else. Eventually you'll get there.

Another example is when something goes wrong at a hotel. In the US, we expect perfect service and will often complain loudly if we don't get it. In CR, causing a confrontation is absolutely the worst way to go about things. The target will just dig in their heels and figure you're one of those pushy and obnoxious americans. But if you respond with even just a little understanding and patience, giving them a little space to back up, they'll usually find a way to make it up for you.

How does this relate to the examples in the article? Well, the friend that arrived a day late for dinner I won't even try to excuse except to say that the writer described the guilty party as being notorious for such tardiness, which suggests to me that he is particularly bad even by tico standards. but again it is as much a time issue as it is a issue of his lying about it. With a normal level of tico tardiness you do as the writer did and assume the guests will arrive sometime between 5 and 9PM and therefore plan to have the dinner ready no earlier than say 8PM and if by some miracle they get there on time just serve some drinks until dinner is ready.

What about the tica that promised delivery of the appliances? Again, half the story is about not being on time. My guess is that she couldn't really make the delivery on Tuesday but made that promise because she didn't want to disappoint. Or maybe she could have made the delivery on time but from her cultural perspective didn't really fully understand the goods absolutely had to be there on Tuesday (which if you think about really didn't because the writer was also there the next day). In her world, Tuesday means maybe Tuesday or maybe the next day. In our world, that seems messed up since it means we have to wait around for delivery. Actually what the writer should have done if they wanted it delivered on Tuesday was say they needed it on Monday and then assumed it would be delivered a day late and go out on Monday and hang out a day later for delivery. Yes that still seems messed up, but its their country and that is the way is. If you can't deal with it you can always go back to the US (as many wind up doing for that very reason).

What about the appliance woman's reaction when she called? Well, we weren't really privy to that conversation. Was it really calm, cool and collected or was it a more typical gringo reaction with harsh words and blood vessels bursting at the neck? At the very least, we know there was some blatant sarcasm and outright labeling of the woman as a liar, which from our perspective she was but not from hers. How is a tica who wants to avoid confrontation and save face supposed to react to that other than to add new lies to cover up what she had done? Again, I not saying we have to approve of that way of thinking or really understand it beyond understanding that it is just a different way of thinking than ours.

My maid broke a vase last week. I was in the other room and she was washing it. I heaard the crash and when I came in to ask what the noise was. She said it fell. It was still covered in soapy water.

I also see a lot of passive aggresiveness here. Just because they will not directly confront you does not mean that they are not angry. It really manifests itself in the driving.

Once again I am not really bashing, but it is a very real part of the culture and I have not met anyone who lives here that does not realize it. Like all places there is good and bad parts to living here. i find this to be the worst part.

BKTUNA
I am never going home

Ticos NEVER admit they are wrong. So in explaining how they are not wrong, or at fault, they have to make up "un-truths". I have a business in CR, and mt employees are constantly pulling these "un-truths" out of their a$$es, and it infuriates me because I don't like my employees trying to pull the wool over my eyes. I have explained over and over that I'm not looking to fire anyone. Everyone makes mistakes. But in order to keep the mistake from happening again, we have to learn what happened, and if they are unwilling to admit what happened, nothing gets solved. I might as well be speaking to the wall.
I stay in hotels, but I'm thinking about renting an apartment just so I don't have to deal with the liars st the front desks.
The more I deal with Ticos, the more frustrated I become. I'm having a hard time not sweating the little things, because of the massive quantity of little things.

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I've been visiting Costa Rica for 3 years and have met several exceptions to the rule. By and large, ticos seem to be oblivious to time, appointments, etc. (The type of things we gringos are very anal about.) I agree...ticos are non-confrontational and don't like losing face. BK brought up an interesting point how tico aggression may be manifested in driving habits.

An example of non-confrontational behavior: Last weekend, I called a "civilian" tica I will be meeting for the first when I arrive later this month. We had a bad connection...she could hear me...but I could barely hear her. I explained, I would call her back on another line right away. After calling her cell phone twice and land line 3 times...no answer. I sent her an e-mail and asked what happened. She told me some BS about her phones...I called her on it and said she was just avoiding me. When we finally spoke, the tica admitted she was surprised by my call and very nervous.

Costa Rica is perfect for ticos...but maybe not all gringos. While I'm a guest here, I try to leave my gringo baggage behind. If I feel uncomfortable or unhappy here, I have the option of leaving and returning to the States where my "luggage" will be waiting for me.

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Blue Devil

Pura Vida...enjoying life to the fullest...