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A couple of weeks ago I posted a Costa Rican drivers manual. I thought it might be "fair and balanced" to post a

SOUTH FLORIDA DRIVERS MANUAL

Subject: Florida driving

1. You must first learn to pronounce the name, it is: "FLAAAAARIDA" .

2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush hour
is from noon to 8:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.

3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 85 mph. On I-95 your speed is expected to match the highway number. Anything less is grounds to run you off the road while giving you the finger.

4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Florida has its own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires go second.
However, SUV cell phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.

5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out, and possibly shot.

6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It's another offense that can get you shot.

7. Road construction is permanent and continuous in Florida. Detour
barrels are moved around for your entertainment pleasure during the middle of
the night to make the next day's driving a bit more exciting

8. Hollywood Blvd and Pines is the same road although some call it Pembroke
Pines Rd, which then gets confused with Pembroke Rd. which is just one
traffic light over. Hallandale Beach Blvd is the same as Miramar Parkway which is
not a parkway at all. And if that isn't enough to remember Arvida Parkway
which is also not a parkway at all has been renamed Royal Palm Blvd not to be
mixed up with the Royal Palm Blvd located in Margate and Coral Springs
(Which turns into Copans in Coconut Creek).

9. Of Course there is some confusion when you get to McNab as to where
it starts and where it ends. And more than several hundred people have run through the barricades of Haitus Rd. which dead ends flat off a major intersection.



10. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the
shoulder immediately to let them know it has been accidentally activated."

11. Merge means race like a madman and cut the person in line off or better
yet ---run them off the road.

12. For summer driving, it is advisable to wear potholders on your hands.

13. If you are going to yell anything out the window, make sure it is in Spanish.

_________________
Pura Vida
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four
essential food groups:
alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
Alex Levine

You can do 85mph on I-95. With the constant construction I find this highly improbable. But if your from the north bumping someone in the ass to get out of your way is common. Try using mapquest to find your destination in Miami and Ft Lauderdale, its always a good laugh.

_________________
"You can only keep a secret between two people if the other one is dead." Ben Franklin

Reasonably accurate.....

Very true.

Two more:

14. If you are waiting in a line of cars to make a left turn, and loose your "left turn green arrow" before you can go - you don't need to go to the middle of the intersection and watch for oncoming traffic to clear. Just wait behind the crosswalk for the traffic lights to go through another cycle. The driver behind you from New York will be pissed off, but what can he do?

15. If you spot a 1980's full size Mercury, Cadillac or Lincoln near Wynmor in Coconut Creek being driving by only a tuft of white hair - then you are required to follow said vehicle at twice the recommended distance.

_________________
Why settle for just one woman when you can enjoy them all?