This is an old post from Planet-Love (July 2003) I came across in my archives today.
Very interesting story about a 40-year old American looking for a young wife in Colombia. Of course these lessons apply to just about anywhere you travel.
Enjoy.
Dating Younger Girls
by Chris F from Planet-Love.com
I have decided to post about my recent experiences on my third trip to Cali, Colombia. What I have to say here has been said before by other people, but I feel that some information is worth posting again...so here is my story. Please leave feedback if you are interested in me continuing this story. I hope that others can learn something from my experience...I hope I do not bore anybody.
As I have said this is my third trip on the search for a "Latin lifemate". The first trip was spent with one woman who did not have the chemistry she needed to maintain the relationship once I left the city. The second trip was to Bogota and Cali where I had many dates but did not find that special someone with a combination of looks, intelligence, and class that I was looking for. Before I go any further...I am not going to mention any agency names about my experiences. The agency used is very reputable and I do not want my experience to be a reflection on you choosing or not choosing a particular agency.
I am 40 years old and exercise regularly and consider myself in good shape. I had planned to give Bogota another try this summer when a girl from an agency in Cali wrote me in May. I will call her "Olga". She was 21 years old, going to school. She did not fall into the age category I was looking for which was 25 and above. Many people over the years have posted about the experiences with young girls in Colombia. The comment posted about young girls always goes something like this, "I know that they may seem more mature for being 21 but they are still 21!!" Looking back now at this recent experience these words are very true. In many ways 21 is 21 and being in a different country does not make things different as far as age is concerned.
Which is why I had set my lowest age range for 25. But...I thought to myself. “well she was very attractive let me talk to her and see if maybe she was more mature then her age†Yes, I was not listening to my own advice which was from the many experiences shared on this board....but she was more attractive and appeared more mature then what I found on my search 6 months ago......so I took a chance hoping my advice and others on this board would be incorrect.
We talked for about a month before I made the trip to see her. The chemistry on the phone was very good but I am fully aware that phone chemistry was not the same as in-person chemistry. I decided that if I felt strong chemistry with her and felt she had it with me that I would stick it out until I saw any red flags in regards to the relationship or her character. I guess my feeling was at the time was that I had done the "agency scene" and knew what I was looking for.......If this felt right...I would stick it out for the time being...after all...I had two weeks....
She picked me up from the airport and she was stunning...A beautiful smile...dressed very feminine and sexy. I could tell by her actions that she felt chemistry with me and that I also had with her...I decided to spent time with just her to see how things would play out...
Well, the first week or so went great...She was sweet and kind and very affectionate. She was very jealous of other woman with me (if I looked at someone). She also at the time came across as someone very sincere (She had a hard time with me giving her taxi money, treated me to a manicure, got me a little gift when I arrived, always said "thank you" for meals).
On the third day she wanted me to meet her family. Her mother lives in the United States and she lives with her grandmother. During breakfast at the house I met her father who is 41 years old (and yes....since I am 40 this did feel a little awkward). Her dad was a very nice man. By the way I speak and understand a little Spanish. having studied for a few months. Olga has the same with English.....this did help tremendously in regards to communication. A pocket translator was used for more complex communication.
Olga excused herself to use the bathroom and grandmother told me something about her that makes complete sense now...but which did not at the time......"Olga no bueno humor" ......at the time I thought she was telling me that Olga did not have a good sense of humor......and I felt at that time she did because she made me laugh quite often. But I realized much later that the word "humor" in Spanish is mood...She was trying to tell me that Olga has bad moods. These "bad moods", and many issues I would experience first hand from what I thought to be an "angel and very mature and sincere 21 year old woman"
Well...day three with meeting dad and grandmother go off very well and they both like and are impressed with me very much. The next few days went very well with her...we visited a church in a small city outside of Cali with her grandmother and went to services. We continued to get to know each other and I did not see any signs from this girl that she was nothing but very sweet and kind.
On day five she gets an e-mail from her mother and I was there when she read it. Mother was going to be late with the University fees that she sends to Colombia from the United States (remember she is living there) This was going to cause a late fee from the University which Olga was not going to be able to pay. Olga was very upset that she may not be able to continue her studies this semester. I ask her how much it was and she told me 180.000 pesos. (about $60 bucks) I said "here" and gave it to her and at first refused to take it. I told her please take it, it really is nothing for me. She told me she would pay me back and I told her not to worry about it. It really was nothing and I have no regrets giving it to her...even now.......
I told myself that if things went well....I was going to ask her to go to San Andres. Five days and four nights with airfare and hotel is only about $240 US each. The reason why is that even though I love a Cali woman...I am a little tired of the city.......Many who have been there multiple times know what I am talking about......Since I found what I thought was " a potential special someone" I wanted to go with her somewhere different. Even though I paid for her too.....I was already paying $75 a night at the Intercontinental so the little extra money for the next five days was worth it to me. I told her that since she had paid for my manicure and a special little gift when I arrived that I wanted to get her a special gift as well and would get it in San Andres.
Before we went to San Andres, her father smashed his hand into a wall over his anger and being upset over his second girlfriend of ten years leaving him and marrying a rich American. He was only in the hospital for a day. I ask Olga if she wanted to not go and stay with her Dad under the circumstances...she said no. I said ok.
We arrived at the hotel in San Andres and I was really disappointed. Had to walk up four flights of stairs, small dirty poorly air-conditioned room. I was spoiled at the Intercontinental in Cali and this place was disgusting. I told her we are going to Hotel Sunrise. She said you will lose your money here and I told her "I don't care" this place is a dump. I did end up getting some money back and the Hotel Sunrise was about 70 dollars a night. I do recommend it.
She told me that she wanted lotion for her gift. I said that's fine...again...nothing so far told me anything negative about this woman....
That first night was very romantic..we went to a very nice seafood restaurant on the other side of the island. She was very sweet and the evening was picture perfect. The next day she ask if she could have her hair braided. Many girls do this at San Andres. And for a whopping 20,000 pesos (a lousy seven bucks) she was very happy. We ate fried fish in the beach ...now realize..this is the whole fish skin and all that is on your plate. Fish eyes are a delicacy there. She was quick to ask me....."Are you going to eat your fish eyes?"..........."Heck No!!....knock yourself out sweetheart"........hey its a culture thing...they also love fried chicken feet you know.
That night we took a romantic walk on the beach and sat and watched the ocean. It was time for her to tell me one of her deep dark secrets, a secret that was going to help me realize the nasty mood swings I was going to experience later on.........
In her broken English she told me......"I throw up"....I looked at her in shock and said how often....she looked back and said to me "Is it important for you to know?"...I said yes and she said "everyday...... sometimes twice." She was Bulimic. She has been doing this for six years and medical specialists, family members, ex-boyfriends........... no one had gotten her to stop.
Are you going to tell me to stop doing it?....she said
"No, I said. "Why?†she asked. Because ...this is something you have been doing for the past six years.. I told her..."Family, medical specialist, ex-boyfriends have all had no success with this...why would you stop doing this with a guy you have only been with for seven days?" "I’m glad" she said..."you’re the first person who is ok with this...I really like that" I said...."let me make this clear...I am not ok with this...but I will not tell you to stop...because I know it will not do any good at this point in time."
I have to share with you that I had this problem with an ex-girlfriend from the United States who also had this problem, but for her it occurred about three times a week. For years I tried to get her to stop...with no success. Olga's problem was a lot more severe..... once to twice daily. Telling her "No" at his point in time in the first week of a relationship is a waste of time and will ruin our time together in San Andres.
Yes...this is a BIG ISSUE!!!! But not one this early in the game that I could really do anything about.
That morning we woke up and she turned on the TV....she really wanted to watch morning cartoons...So I laid there with her thinking....isn't this immature?....nope...this is some of the reality of dating 21 year old girls!!!!! You really start feeling the age difference with situations like this. You really start to wonder why you did not listen to your own advice and stick with woman at least 25 and older when your 40. Rap music videos were also a favorite of hers as well.
Olga also suffers from kidney problems and sometimes has pains in her side. I purchased some medication she wanted at the pharmacy for her and she felt a lot better.
So that afternoon we went to the beach. This is where I experienced first hand what her Grandmother was talking about. She was in a nasty mood...She snapped at me for stupid things. She smiled a lot less and just was not the sweet girl that I thought she was. I did realize later on that some of these mood swings were directly related to her Bulimia. People who suffer from this tend to have very nasty mood swings due to the chemical imbalance in their system of the body being "Hungry" I never experienced it with my ex. Olga had hidden this for the first 10 days but she could hide it no longer.
We had two days left on San Andres then I had two days left in Cali. I was starting to have reservations about continuing this situation. I was starting to care for this girl quite a bit. I could have worked with her on the bulimia issue...but the mood swings?.....they were nasty......I did not feel that was something I could deal with long term but was really trying.
That night she was a lot more sweet and back to her old self. She asked if we could go for pizza. "Sureâ€...I said. We order a large chicken and mushroom. She asks me to put five large sizes on her plate.
"After I eat this...do you mind if I go throw it up?" she asked. I am in complete shock...but refused to show any physical emotion in regards to her question. Most girls who suffer from this disorder do this in private. This girl announces it before she eats!!! It is Friday night and we leave for Cali on Sunday afternoon. Again, what is the point if making an issue of this at this point in time? Why should I let this situation ruin the rest of my time in San Andres? She is going to do it anyway...with or without my so called "permission"
"Do whatever you need to do Olga"...I said.
"Good!" ...she said "Now I a can eat even more pizza!!"
So we enjoy our time together eating dinner making light conversation when she hits me with the most bizarre question a woman has ever ask me. I could not believe it.
"Can I ask you a personal question?"
"Depends" I said.
"How many times a day do you go number 2 and where do you go?"
"Excuse me???" I said.
She said..." I am asking because when you go into the bathroom and close the door, I only hear the shower turn on....I never hear the toilet flush."
I am thinking to myself this is truly bizarre and then I said to myself is there a logical reason to her question? Do bulimics enjoy the sound of "matter" hitting the water in the toilet. I truly did not know. Either way.....the question was....way.........out........ there!!!!!
I told her that if she really wanted to know I told her that I relieve myself in the hotel bathroom restaurant after breakfast.
"Oh..ok now I understand" she said.
I am not too happy at this point!! Heck.....I think when we all go to the bathroom to take care of "serious business" the last thing I want is a woman who is trying to listen to the experience!!!!!
Well...the next day we go to Johnny Cay...which is a small Island close to San Andres. She was pretty pleasant to be around for the day and I at this point was just trying to take the attitude "enjoy yourself." Which we both did.
It was this point in time when I noticed Olga stopped being grateful for things I did. For those guys who are new to this...realize these girls have no money..... so yes...you pay for everything...it is the reality of the situation...I don't mind and besides in Colombian pesos....everything is cheap anyway...I really consider it no big deal. What is a "big deal' or "pet peeve" is when you do not even have the class or common courtesy to say "Thank you." The first 11 days together Olga always said "thank you". For a meal, gift, taxi fare, whatever....always a polite ..."Thank you"....the first 11 days. A "thank you" is all I really want from anyone who I do anything for. However the "thank yous" had now stopped.
Meals, small gifts, drinks on the beach, there were no more “thank yousâ€. For me...this is just rude.
The next morning she called her grandmother. Her grandmother is crying but will not tell Olga why she is upset. Her grandmother wants her to go home early. But we cannot take an early flight out. Olga pleads with her grandmother to tell her what is wrong but she tells her she will when she gets home.
Olga is now turning "ice cold" She refuses to even hold hands. Wants to buy some candy for her grandmother and father in San Andres but she only has 5000 pesos and it cost 15000 pesos. I of course give her the extra money....and she just takes it poker faced without even a smile or a thank you.
Ok...logically I am saying this is bullshit!! We are finished!!!! We have two days left in Cali. Do you want to go back to the agency or just go home? Emotionally...I was really trying to give her the benefit of the doubt. Her grandmother is balling on the phone and will not tell her what is wrong. Naturally, this girl is not going to be in the best of moods right now. I also realized that emotionally...I was probably missing the girl she was "pretending to be" the first week of our time together.
We have to fly to Bogota first and had a 2 hour layover there. She call her grandmother again who is still crying but refuses to tell her what is wrong. She is still very cold. I tell her I am hungry and we stop and a hamburger place. I order my food but made the mistake of not asking her what she wanted...because she told me 15 minutes earlier that she was not hungry. She screamed........"You do not even ask me what I want!!!" I was trying to be nice..hoping her bad mood has to do with what is going on at home. "I am sorry"...I tell her what would you like?"
"No...she snaps.......nothing now!"
As I ate .....she sat their poker-faced..I ask her again..and she said again snapping....."No.....you don’t care about me.......you don’t do anything for me!"
Now....I am pissed and she knows it...I thought........ don't do anything for her.?....paid her tuition fees, her medication, her trip to San Andres, etc...... I tried to talk with her but she is even more nasty and does not want to talk.
" Olga has no bueno humor" I remember her grandmother words again the third day we were together. Her grandmother was really trying to tell me what I was in for later on!"
She was not lying!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We get on the plane headed for Cali and Olga does a complete 180 degrees turn with me. She smiling wanting to hold hands, making a small joke of the situation with her blowing up at the hamburger place...I want to talk about it...she tells me please...later we will.....
On the taxi ride back to the hotel she gets very sweet and loving, holding hands, saying how much she was going to miss not being with me tonight, kissing.
Emotionally..I am thinking, “Hey this is great...everything could be ok.†Logic is saying...â€Nope too lateâ€...I am going to check first thing in the morning and see if I can go home early!!!
She dropped me off at the hotel and ask..."Do you want to see me tomorrow?...I am going to not go to my classes in the afternoon..it is the first day...I want to be with you."
For now...I tell her “sure...call me when you get home and let me know what happened.â€
“Okâ€..she said..â€See you tomorrow.â€
That night she did not call to tell me what happened. The next morning I go to American Airlines to see if I had options in changing my flight out of Cali to leave early. No such luck. They were booked.
I went back to my hotel room and Olga called and said she really wanted to see me today and would be over at 1...at 2 she finally shows up looking very depressed. I ask her what is wrong? What happened with your grandmother? Why was she upset? Olga tells me that her father tried to commit suicide over the fact that his second girlfriend of ten years left him to marry an American. This was the first time in his life where someone rejected him. They were today going to place her father into the Psychiatric Mental Hospital In Cali.
I am shocked...but not too much....considering the recent events that have happened the last few days. I am really not that surprised. She then ask if she can call her dad. I told her to go ahead. Olga shakes her head visibly upset. "He is crying!!!" she tells me. Olga tries to calm her father down but he hangs up the phone on her." I need to call my mother to see if she can send money for his medication" she says.
My immediately thought was that she was probably asking me indirectly for money. However...she had treated me like shit for the past few days. I was not about to volunteer a damn thing!! I also had small reservations on whether all this was even true.
She tried to call her mother but had no luck. She got off the phone and walked over to the TV cabinet where the hotel has the snacks and candies.
She spotted her favorite chocolate. The one she enjoyed so much the first few days together in the hotel room. Her face lit up with a 300 watt smile!!!! She was now very happy.
"Can I please have this?" she said with the big smile.
"Sure Olga...no problem" I said.
Hmmmmmm I said.....she sees me under "these circumstances" and naturally she is down and depressed. But she sees her favorite candy and a huge smile forms on her face....the same smile she used to give me the first 10 days we were together....
She tells me she needs to leave but wants to know if I would like to go with her to the hospital later to see her father.
Ok...I said...the father thing is probably legit.....lets go to see what happens. I can't leave Cali early and I was in no mood at this time to do the agency scene for just one day anyway.
She tells me she would call later to tell me where to go. She calls me early in the evening to tell me that we can go on tomorrow. She tells me that the money that I gave her for cab fare was not used and she took the bus instead and used the money to pay for her Dad's medication.
"I hope you understand and you are not mad about this"
I told her no not to worry about it. But I did have a question for her. Her grandmother originally wanted to come to San Andres with us the week before and was willing to pay her own way...........LOL.....of course, Olga said no and she understood at the time.
I said to Olga....." How come your grandmother has money to go to San Andres but not money for medication for her own son?"
Olga told me that her grandmother was going to pay for San Andres on a credit card. She then explained that credit cards cannot be used in Cali to pay for medication.
I never did follow up to see if this was true. It sounds really bogus to me. CaliPro is an expert down there...maybe he knows if this was bogus...I do not know at this time.
So the next morning she shows up at the hotel at 9 am. She did not call and I am still waking up. She tells me she is down stairs and wants to know if I want to go to see her father with her.
What the heck at this point...I tell myself.....sure.
She comes to my room and she is once again "ice cold." I am really curious now to see if this "bizzare situation" is really true. I want to go!!!!!!!!
We get in the taxi and she ask if we can stop so she can get her father a special snack. She got him some yogurt and pastries. I paid. No “thank youâ€...no smile...nothing...........
At this point...I just really wanted to see this if this was legit. The "curiosity factor" was killing me.
We went through security and headed down the main walkways.
She said, "There are crazy people here...are you scared?"
"Heck no"...I said....In Los Angeles...these people walk the streets...they’re just more confined here"
And wow......I had just walked in to ..."One flew over the Cuckcoo's Nest" in Cali Colombia.
A man walks by us...looks at me....and breaks out in song......."And I....................will...always...love youuuuuuuuuuuuuu" Witney Houston...."The Bodyguard" theme song...I thought..and in English!!...pretty cool........
I could not help but smile and laugh a little. I do not mean to be disrespectful to her or this place....but it was funny......and heck ...I needed a good laugh at this point.
Olga gave me a look that said I understand why you are laughing..but please don't.
I regained my composure....but not for long.....
Another man was headed our way as well and had spotted the gringo. He could not take his eyes off me. Olga became nervous as he approached. I was not.....I was only worried about one thing as he approached. Please...please....please...do not make me laugh.
But I knew that since I had not had a good laugh in many many days...I was very vulnerable to that emotion at this time.
He held up his fist high in the air as he walked by and looked at me. Stopped right by me and yelled....BON.......BON.....BON............BON............BON!"
I could not help myself at this point...I held my fist high in the air back at him...like a wave and said..."BON!"...back.
He appeared very happy with my response and kept on walking by. I looked over at Olga and even she had a small smile on her face.....it was just too classic......
Her father was sitting quietly in a small garden talking with an assistant. This was for real.
Her father’s hand was still visibly swollen where he punched the wall. Her grandmother
(his mother) was there as well. He speaks no English ...so I just put my hand firmly on his shoulder and gave him a look like..."it’s going to be ok." He gave me a very warm smile back. He really appeared to be a very nice man who had completely "lost it"
Olga started talking to her father and he started crying right there.
This was heavy...and we all know what he was going through.....he was being rejected for the first time in his 41 years of life.. and when that happens with someone you really care about...it is a Bitch!!!!!
It happened to me for the first time last year. I was very down...but I still took the time to feed myself, exercise, stay busy and focused on other things....like we all do......I thought though that I really had it bad at the time....
After seeing this man in front of me I realized I took the whole situation last year very well.
We spent about an hour with her father and then I take Olga and her Grandmother to the mall for lunch. Olga continues to be her cold self...not holding hands..not smiling.....again not even a "thank you" for lunch. Logically I really knew this situation was over..I really wanted to go home early..but could not....and was not interested in doing the agency scene for just a day......part of my emotions were hoping she was acting this way due to the situation with her father....but my emotions knew this was a long shot.
She wanted me to stay with her and I did for the afternoon...probably to give her any emotional support that she needed...at this point....I said, "What the heck" I was leaving in the morning and I did not feel like hanging out in the hotel for the afternoon.
After another visit with her father in the afternoon. Olga asks if we can go have an early dinner. Grandmother hops on a bus and Olga and I take a taxi to get something to eat. Five minutes before we arrive at the restaurant she does a complete 180 degrees with me. All smiles...all hand holding, kisses, saying how much she is going to miss me and how we will write everyday. My emotions thought for a moment and said..."Hmmmmm maybe this situation could in some way be salvageable. Logic was stronger which was saying...."she wants something....I know it."
We arrive at the restaurant and she pulls out a pad of paper from her purse. She asks me not to look as she writes down something on a piece of paper. I thought it was going to be some sweet letter...like the one she gave me when I arrived here.......not even close!!!!!!!!!!!!
The letter stated: "I know you have given me so much since you have been here. But can I ask for one more gift? Please check this box for yes (with a smiling face) or this box for NO (with a sad face)"
Logic screamed at me......"Yep I was right...and she was trying to butter you up five minutes before getting to the restaurant......"
I also said to myself "Oh my gosh...check here for yes and here for No?.....these were the type of cute letters we all used to do in..........elementary school!!!!!"
I was going to play it cool......So I checked the yes box with a smile and she quickly wrote on another piece of paper her request.
The next paper stated: " There is a concert coming next week and I really want to go...will you buy the tickets?†I just looked at her with a disappointed stare...â€DANGâ€, I said to myself, â€after all I have done for you...you have some pretty big (you know what) to ask me for anything. But since this is the last day...I guess your going for broke I am gone tomorrow anyway.â€
I told her that I am really not comfortable with her asking for something directly. She got nasty right away. "Excuse me!" she said in a mean tone. "You just think I want you for your money?" "My last boyfriend was very rich you know and I did not want him......you think I just want you for your money?"
Very cool...I said .."No...Olga...I did not say that"
"What if we were married!" she snapped. "Would you have a problem too if I ask for something?"
"We are not married Olga...so that situation is not even relevant"
"You know what" she said. "You want to know the truth?...I was going to use that money to send you a fax so you can have something special from me when you get home...but no that's just not going to happen now is it?" she snapped.
By this time my logic was laughing...."Yeah right". But I showed no emotion other then a small head shake............
I said nothing to her as we catch a ride back to the hotel I get out of the taxi and tell her good-bye. And she manages a fairly polite good-bye back. She had planned joining me on the ride to the airport in the morning....of course she was not there when I left Cali and no contact has been made since.
Which was fine with me!!
THE END!!!
Some final thoughts about this experience:
Well....life is an adventure!!! And as you can tell by this story...it was a hell of an adventure!!! The way I see it the first ten days were great...it was the last few days I could have really done without!!!
What did I come away with from this experience????
1. Listen to my own advice next time!! And really...the experience of others who have done many more trips then I have...which is STAY AWAY FROM VERY YOUNG GIRLS!!! I know that some people are married to 20 and 21 year olds and are 40 plus in age. But I really think they are the very small majority.
Very young girls are very high risk!! It has been said here a million times and I will now tell you from experience myself. Really try to avoid it if you can. Someone here posted some words about this subject that I still remember from over a year ago.
"I don't care how mature she comes across for being 21....she is still 21"
This is true. And guys, it does not matter if she is from here or Colombia...she is still 21.
Now...I do understand that not all of Olga's problems were related to her age. But I am telling you these girls really do not know what they want from life, yet.....they say they do...but they don't. The majority really need another few more years to grow up. I will stick with woman who are 25 and above next time.
2. Many of you ask the question “Why didn't you leave her sooner?"
Things did not start to go sour until day 11 of a 15 day trip. We were on San Andres Island when it happened. We were not scheduled to leave for another two days...and was now just trying to make the best the situation.....and enjoying the beauty of the island as well. If we were in Cali when this happened it would have been different. I had two days left of this trip when I returned to Cali...I just wanted to go home at this point ...and was in no mood at the time to try to the agency scene for just two days.
I am really glad I did take her to San Andres. It was easy for her to hide her mood swings and bulimia when she was only seeing me for 8 hours a day. In San Andres...she could no longer hide those things from me ...being with me 24x7. I found out everything I needed to know early on....... many guys on this quest do not!!!.......That was a blessing in disguise.
Believe it or not I am returning to Cali next week for another 10 days!!! I do not have to return to work until the middle of August. (I work in School Administration) So...I have the time and I will give this another try. I will inform the agency owner what happened but will not make any demands that she take her off the books. As another poster wrote earlier..."There are two sides to every story".....she may tell the owner something completely different. I will tell the owner about her...if another gringo that dates her experiences the same and tells the agency owner about it...I am sure then something will be done.
I am down about all of this? Nope.....because I go on these trips with the attitude "get to know people and have a good time...and if something works out...great...if not...at least you had a good time"
For the majority of this trip......I had a good time!!!!!
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