www.CostaRicaTicas.com

O.K. people. We are once again digressing into political diatribes. It's time for a local cultural update, and for this reason I give you Exhibit "A"
below from the NYT. Not that NY has anything to do with life here in "South
Central" (America, that is), but this article does present evidence of a
frightening evolutionary trend: Women in general ( much like the universe)

are expanding.



After a year long whole heartedly sincere attempt at monogamy with "Ms
Colombia", I finally had to fire the bitch. I fought the benefit of
knowledge accumulated from years of cohabitation experience that kept
telling me sooner or later that I, like the swinging schlong before me, I
would become tired of her shit. Unfortunately it was inevitable. The
lying, conniving manic-depressive bulimic bull shit eventually wears down
even the most seasoned aficionado of the undulating quim. I'm sure that
George will agree with me on this. The sad truth is that our Brothers still
stuck in North America have no choice but to grin and bear the misery of
female terrorism. True, Ms Colombia was willing to satisfy the most
eccentric fetish fantasies; would happily perform a show in her pretty
little things ( mostly provided by Victoria's Secret as nothing is too good
for my women) . Although a college dropout, she could talk dirty in both
Spanish and English well enough to make a Del Rey hooker blush. No titties
to speak of, even though I was willing to fix that problem and did take the
young monster for a revision and estimate at CIMA. Apart from all this, she
is what you would describe as "Petite", coming in at 47 Kilos soaking wet (
which was usually the case).

Single again, I went on a window shopping spree at the famous Hotel Del Rey.
After 72 hours of mourning the loss of my latest pain in the ass from Cali,
I had decided to keep a stiff upper lip and head back into the breach and
test drive a few of this years models. After a few trips around the block I
was sure that I would eventually make a selection and upgrade; to put it
delicately, my ride.

Sweet Jesus! Little did I know the shock I was in for. Physically I come in
at a solid 82 Kilos and I am not afraid to go 10 rounds with anyone in my
weight class. The horror I encountered on this particular evening was that I
was out weighed by more than half the 300 women patrolling the casino. The
biggest beer bellies in the place were not sported by the gringo dabblers.
Despite the ton and a half of silicone titties protruding from every corner
of the room, you could have filled a 40 foot container with the lard these
hoes were totting around. How stiletto heals can support such mass is truly
a marvel of modern engineering. Now, there were a few "flacitas" to choose
from. They were however former "Classmates" of my Ex Ms Colombia and I felt
that at this early in the game it would have been just too incestuous to
bring one of her sisters home. Frightened by the bovine heard on display, I
had to settle for a two hour winning streak at the Tute table. This was one
of the few times that I have left the Hotel Del Rey with more money than I
went in with.

If the above story was not shocking enough for you, dear reader the saga
continues. Still on my quest for a qualified replacement, last night I
attended the birthday party of a lady friend's sister. The event was held
at one of San Jose's Barcelo Hotels, and the guests were all
thirty-something professionals. What the heck, I thought I would try
fishing in a different pond. You never know. I thought that if I raised my
standards, I might have better luck with the next future - Ex. I mentally
created a list of qualifying prerequisites that my new mate must posses:

1. She has to have a job that does require putting the genetalia of
strangers in her mouth
2. She needs to have a car to take her to #3 below
3. She needs to have her own house that she can transport herself to, using
the prerequisite in #2 above
4. She needs to be able to "Lend" me $1,000 USD which I will hold as a
security deposit, to be returned after a 1 year test period
5. She needs to have completed at least a bachelor's degree in something,
anything except bachelors (or former bachelors for that matter)
6. She must have all her teeth
7. She needs to weigh in at 55 kilos or less. Exceptions will be made if
she is taller than 1.70 mts or is supporting silicone

Mother of God! Though the birthday party was attended by quite a few pretty
faces, they were attached to some monstrous asses ! More than one young
professional did not have all of her teeth. They were all educated, had
their own cars and apartments and credit cards, but lord have mercy they
were all chain smokers! Can you imagine in this day and age that
thirty-something professionals are smoking cigarettes?! After about an hour
of lively conversation I had to excuse myself simply because my throat was
closing up from the passive smoke.

My friends, Costa Rica is changing. I fear that the influence of Oscar
Arias is going to be the end of our countries finest asset: the women. With
fear in my heart, I must report to you that the "Americanization" of our
fair land has taken it's toll on our booty. Still, there is reason to give
thanks: Ten Thousand Colones can still buy you a half hour relief in more
convenient locations than McDonald's, Burger King, Pizza Hut and KFC
combined. Let's enjoy what little of the good life that is left while we
can.