www.CostaRicaTicas.com

I mean really...what is it about marriage that enriches a man's life?

Perhaps I don't have enough life experience to truly appreciate what a good marriage is (I'm 32) but amongst my friends, not one of their marriages have worked out.

Whether it be Tica, Gringa, Nica etc...Marriage is a bubble waiting to burst.

_________________
Always be in charge...

No Cien...

Do not send money...

I'm not sure this is a topic for a costa rica board but I'm definitely with you on that brother. I see the same thing too and wonder why anyone even bothers with it. If you love someone, then just live with them as long as you both shall love. Perhaps, we tend to work harder at relationships that have that heightened level of commitment? But why create potential legal entanglements that only serve to make it harder to get out of a hopelessly bad relationship? Surely that far too often situation offsets any legal advantage that there might be. The only good reason that I can think of for getting married is if you plan to have K*ds, since raising Ch*ldren is truly something that SHOULD be a long term commitment. If you're married to the mother, you're more likely to work that much harder to preserve the family unit that all K*ds should have growing up. Of course, even then there are times when things are just so bad that the K*ds would still be better off if the parents split up.

This is a good topic here, because most guys mongering have or are grappling with the same issue. I have been divorced twice so have seen it from both sides. Dont think I would ever do it again...

I think most guys get married MOSTLY for social acceptance within their families, work, churches and other social settings. Most of us grew up in a "married" culture...and even with the high divorce rates of the last couple generations, marriage seems to be the "holy grail" of life and love fulfillment. There are proven stats that married guys get promoted faster within corporate America. They also tend to be more acceptible in political circles. It is very few people who are adjusted enough to live alone, be comfortable being "different" in a culture that worships "marriage and family".

I have been single most of my adult life, and while there are many advantages...I am "suspect" with many friends and family. They either think I'm selfish, afraid of committment, or some even may think I'm gay (I think my lifestyle speaks for itself on that note...but they dont see me that often ). But these are all reasons people feel pressured to "find a mate and settle down". Again, very few people are self actualized enough to be comfortable bucking the trends or expectations of family and culture. There have been many painful moments in my own "progression" to this reality...but, now that I'm here, I know that marriage and Ch*ldren are NOT core to living a happy, fulfilled life. You can CHOOSE to be happy in either approach to life...but the single approach is more up to you and not dependent on a consistant "mate" to make it happen.

Just the way it looks from here...

I think Tman really hit the nail on the head with his response.
I can't seem to go to a family function without someone trying to hook
me up, ask me when I will get married and have K*ds, even after telling
everyone for years I have no plans to marry and raise a family.
The usual response is, oh, your still young enough...44, you will
meet the right lady...not if I'm not looking or care to look...
Only on a rare occasion will I go to a business party anymore, since an overwhelming majority of the people at these functions are married,
and it's just too weird hearing all the stuff about what so and so's K*ds
are doing, and since talking shop is frowned upon, I'm out of the loop.
Of course the draw back to being single, your the first person
they come to when someone has to fly out on a last minute business trip,
oh you can go, you don't have anything keeping you here,
just do some laundry and hop on the next plane to _____.
Your also the one who is most likely to work holidays.
All in all, I still think single life is by far better than being married.
ShyOne

I think BOTH TMan and ShyOne have really hit on some very good points. A lot of it is purely about societal expectations. Some people even internalize those expectations more and think the way society has trained them to. Even if they're not married they believe somehow somewhere deep in their hearts that is what they should be and that there might be something somehow wrong with themselves that they aren't.

Others are much more comfortable with their choice of lifestyles and have no problems at all resisting or ignoring all those subtle and not so subtle societal pressures to conform such as those mentioned above (e.g. often being the odd man out). They're fully self-actualized as TMan would say.

Personally, if truth be told, I'm probably somewhere in the middle. When home alone, I'm definitely very comfortable just being with myself. But I also certainly recognize all those things TMan and Shy mentioned when out amongst the married public and sometimes that not quite fitting in can bother me.

As Tman pointed out our "mongering" lifestyle proves at least we're not gay. I'm not sure it proves anything about our selfishness or fear of commitment. But, for me, I don't think thats what being single is about anyway. For me, its just a logical choice and Phuck society and those that marry do so due to follow their hearts not their heads.

And when it comes to bucking societal expectations and being different, forget about marriage, look at what we do in CR. If that doesn't prove our wilingness to buck societal norms, what does? However, though we may know there is nothing wrong with what we do, how many of us proudly proclaim it to more than just trusted male friends? What we know is right in our heads is often not the same as what we sometimes feel in our hearts. A different example of this is how many guys fall to the GFE fantasy and think we might somehow reform their "working-girl" "novias", or that they are somehow different from any of the other DR chicas or even (god forbid) marry one.

I'm not sure if that last example is failing to think with the head and thinking instead with the heart or the little head or even subconscious-subliminable programming. But, it all goes to show how hard it is sometimes to seperate them all apart. We can try to discuss this logically, but in the end it all comes down to that.

One last comment in this whole sorry state of affairs that might provide some little solace. As bad as us single guys have it, the pressures are much much worse for single women.

What a thread! One of the best I've seen on the board in awhile. Prolijo's and Shyone's posts are excellent. I concur 100%. Tman's post, in my opinion, is in the 'post of the month' category. Quite insightful and profound. It's posts like these that separate this board from the others!

_________________
"In a nation ruled by swine, all pigs are upwardly mobile, and the rest of us are phucked until we can put our acts together; not necessarily to win, but mainly to keep from losing completely"...Hunter S. Thompson (RIP)

Which one are you:

BOBO--Burnt Out But Opulent
BUPPIE--Black Urban Professional
DINK--Dual Income, No K*ds
DINKY--Double Income, No K*ds (Yet)
DUMP--Destitute Unemployed Mature Professional
GOLDIE--Golden Oldie, Lives Dangerously
GUPPIE--Gay Urban Professional
LOMBARD--Lots of Money but a Real Dickhead
OINK--One Income, No K*ds
PIPPIE--Person Inheriting Parents' Property
PUPPIE--Poncy Urban Professional
SCUM--Self-Centered Urban Male
SILKY--Single Income, Loads of K*ds
SINBAD--Single Income, No Boyfriend, Absolutely Desperate
SINK--Single, Independent, No K*ds
SITCOM--Single Income, Two Ch*ldren, Outrageous Mortgage
WOOPIE--Well-Off Older Person
YAPPIE--Young Affluent Parent

STUPID--Married a Russian!

Rocco

Really nice stuff here guys!!! It is so good to see men speaking from their heart & head together sharing their experiences of life. I don’t know how many times I have heard he could be married as many women want him so something is wrong with him & maybe he is gay. That shit is so unfair but such is life. No one seems to ever want to believe that maybe this kind of guy is really just smart, very analytical & has faced the facts & he doesn’t want the kind of life he sees that the people sticking their nose in his business have!

Legato Bluesummers:

I do believe if you find the right woman & you both are very giving, loving & understanding & have found true love it is a very, very good life indeed!! Also medical statistics bare this out as happily married people tend to live healthier longer lives. If you find true love it will open pathways in your mind that are quite rewarding but also quite risky for now you are more vulnerable to severe pain if something goes wrong. Is it worth the risk who knows everyone has to just decide that for one’s self?

Having little ones is another great experience like no other if you are setup well to do it & want it. My friends that have done this just can not imagine life without having done this. Many say no greater reward & no greater pain all in one. YMMV

I believe we are flawed creatures in a society setup by fellow flawed men. We get so many things mixed up & it is so hard to keep them straight & this is what I believe makes us or breaks us. What I see that tends to get so many humans in trouble is they make decisions based on lust instead of true love with lots of logic & reasoning involved. Not easy is it? Here are some examples I have seen. All the girls I was so crazy about in my life were intriguing & kind of crazy (party animal types). I don’t know why I liked them so much maybe I was just fascinated with them & wanted to see what made them tick? Problem was these were pretty girls & fun in bed & you start getting attached at the groin at least! Too me this is lust & what causes us so much trouble.

I always looked at the logic of this & would tell myself turn this off if you want to raise K*ds & have a stable marriage as this type would be impossible to last for long as the turbulences would destroy any chance. I had many pets in my life & a good old dog would just love you come hell or high water. So it may sound stupid but I just think if you want a good rewarding marriage I would look for something without all the glitz & glitter and find a simple woman with good values & not a lot of problems that is stable. The problem is you have to be in love with them & them with you & it is not easy to find! Once you find love then you have to find a way to make love stay & it's a lot of work. I often wonder how many of us say we want these things only to find out we aren't willing to work at it to make it last? My advice to good men if you want a good woman look in good places. If you want good sex look for girls that like it & have a lot of experience as they know what the hell they are doing but don’t get the wrong girl plugged into the wrong socket so to speak.

The one thing I have been confused about is the way at least my mind has been programmed. I have really truly been in love but you have this beautiful specimen of a woman walk by & I want to turn & follow her to the nearest reproductive center. I wonder why it has to be like that. I know I can control it but why do I have too if I am truly in love which I know I am. You would think that that part of the brain would like switch off & you would only stay focused on the one you love???

If there is a consolation prize for so much divorce going on maybe it helps take some of society’s pressures off of a guy that just wants to have a happy single life. Which ever shoe fits someone’s foot I think we should all be happy for them as in the end isn’t that what it is all about finding true happiness?

Zippy

PS: Marriage is not setup for the benefit of men but for the benefit of all the other parties that get involved if something goes wrong. Just make sure if you get married you stay married or you will find this out.

Wow Zippy...some pretty heavy stuff goin on here. I concur with your statements. I too believe that marriage and fidelity can be acheived with someone you truly love and truly loves you. But in my experience, that is not something you can fabricate or predict. It is fate to run into these relationships...and if they dont happen, well...as we have stated here there are other options in life.

I truly believe everyone at some level wants ONE person to love the socks off of them and vice versa...but most people settle for less than they were looking for. I smile sadly when I hear someone say (mostly females) that they are going to wait until such and such age to get married and have Ch*ldren. I tend to ask them "what if you dont find the right person in your life at that time?" Most of them dont have an answer but just HOPE it happens. And in most cases (like I did at 30) they marry whomever they happened to be dating. My response to some family members who have tried to back me into a corner on this topic is "I would rather die looking for the ying to my yang than settle for less and live a miserable life". I have known very happy couples who met late in life...more than those who met early and have been together forever since.

Bottom line is...to each their own and each has to live according to their own vision and goals. If we settle...well...we only have ourselves to blame.

Tman,

Your

I couldn't agree more & if a man wants this kind of fate to happen in his life he does have in him some power to control it as he would have a much better statistical chance if he places himself in a position for fate to happen. In other words don't hang out at the DR or MP all your life.

Something else that I have seen with a great deal of consistency in my life. Men & women look at sex differently. For me I see it as a wonderful exercise & the women I have known weave sex & love into the same basket. I find myself after a wonderful session with a real beauty with a great body but terrible mind and think man that felt great now where is the woman I love & want to spend most my time with?


Zippy

Rocco, you are NOT STUPID! You recognized the error of your ways and did the only logical thng.....you moved to Costa Rica!! Now that just ain't stupid!!!!

_________________
I will never again have sex with a woman who speaks english as her first language.

Agree with you Zippy...you dont shop for fine china in the dog pound. What in my mind makes for a potential partner with sound mind, body and soul will not be found in MPs or the Delrey. I dont judge mongering obviously as I have done my share, yet it is all hunting to me (to return to our Neanderthal roots )...sometimes you hunt for sport, other times for food. The sport is for sense of conquering, the food is for sustenance. While women could and some do the same, I think that is where the difference between the sexes comes from related to the meaning of sex.

For me I would venture to say that the best sex starts in the brain and the comraderie and intelligent teasing that can go on as foreplay. This is what illicits passion and connectedness that in my experience has led to the best sex. For me the slam, bam, thankyou mam experiences have been less than fulfilling. I can masterbate at home.

In summary, I think where some of our CRT brethren get hurt is when they try to turn a whore into a wife, and a wife into a whore. It just doesnt work in the long run though it might be a nice fantasy.

Tman,

I see we think alike in this area. I even have a tendency to put sex over food in my life as I can always eat later but the reverse may not be true. I agree we have our own opinions but I try not to judge either as I am the biggest pig in the puddle so to speak. We all have different wants & needs & I love to see what others wants & needs are just to see if I am missing something or just to see how different people can really be. It appears you like to study & understand the details of human behavior as I do. For me I live a simple life & when I spend time with my selected company I try hard to keep everyone happy. It is always win-win when everyone is happy.

Your quote:

No way can I say that any better & it applies to me. You seem to have a natural gift of putting so few words together that just nail things on the head.

I have seen many Ticos run into this problem. Good Ticas don't sleep around much if any before they marry but the Ticos are not like this. They get real use to whoring around & they learn about the great mechanics of sex & find out what they like. These Ticos I have seen have no trouble in knowing which ones to marry as you only marry the good ones as they are very conscious about family pride. The problem comes when they marry the inexperienced Latina & they have sex like they are use to having with the putas. Believe me some real serious problems have come with this with the Latina almost in shock.

It is funny & how it is somewhat reverse from what I have seen for the average Gringo. Most Gringos I have seen try to turn a whore into a wife & the Ticos don't care if we have them but many of them have the problem with trying to turn the good wife into a puta in the bedroom. Neither one works well from what I have seen. So I have come to the conclusion don't even try it, just better to separate the two & play with the side of the street that fits you for the moment & don't get yourself confused about it all.

For me it seems men are natural hunters & women really are the natural nest builders which really don't want that many partners endless they have too. The Latinas really seem to crave security first & foremost from my experience where gringas take this for granted.

Thanks,
Zippy

Thanks you all for posting. I feel like I should be writing a check to a therapist after reading the previous posts. I feel better about being single for so long after one failed marriage. One of my good friends married a girl he had dated about 3 years. She was very nice looking, an honest 8, 5 ft 6 in 130 lbs. 2 K*ds. We tried to talk him out of it, he pulled the trigger anyway. They have been married 3 years. His wife weighs about 200 pounds now and drinks like a fish. The step Ch*ldren, who were cute and semi well behaved, have turned into demon seed. . The seventeen year old girl quit high school and moved in with her real dad 3 months ago because she couldnt do some minor household chores, wash clothes, make up her bed, etc... She just moved back because she couldnt get along with her real dad. Now she just told her mom that shes pregnant and that the father of the baby is black. Well my friend is about as miserable as can be. I have seen first hand how a bad marriage brought a good man down. I would rather be alone than in a bad marriage any day. and thanks again for sharing your thoughts and experience on this subject. Raw