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hen talking to a human being becomes an option, rather than a necessity, then we're willing to charge for it – as we do with the call center – but we're not at that position in the airports today...It's not that we don't think it's not a good idea at some point."

--Ben Baldanza, CEO of Miramar-based Spirit Airlines, to ABC News, August 2010.

Spirit Airlines counter, Fort Lauderdale-Hollywood International Airport, October 2011.

Spirit Customer Service Agent: Welcome to Spirit Airlines, the ultra low-cost carrier. Before I can help you, I'll need to see your ticket, driver's license and credit card please.
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Me: Credit card? I've already paid for my ticket online. I just had a quick question about my flight.

Spirit: Oh, a question. No problem, sir. Questions are free.

Me: Well, with Hurricane Nate approaching I was just wondering if I could take an earlier flight without paying a change fee.

(Silence.)

Me (louder): I said, I was wondering if I could take an earlier flight, with the approaching storm and all.

Spirit: Oh I heard you. I said questions are still free, but answers – that's another story. That'll be $5 please.

Me: Five dollars? Why, I've never in my life. (Handing over credit card).

Spirit (processes card): OK sir, I'll be happy to assist you now. Would you like to be charged by the answer, the minute or the unlimited rate.

Me: You just charged me five bucks – what was that for?

Spirit: That was to have me list our ultra low-cost human-service pricing menu. As a valued Spirit customer, you have the choice of paying $2 an answer, $3 a minute or $20 for an unlimited session, or until I get bored of you. But I have to warn you, if you take options A or B, you might not be happy with the answers or how quickly I work.

Me: Oh my God…

Spirit: Sorry, that'll be a $1 take-the-Lord's-name-in-vain fee, please.

Me: All right, all right, I'll take the $20 plan.

Spirit: Thank you sir. Now, as you would already know if you went to our website or one of our kiosks, every reservation switch on a non-refundable ticket for a flight that hasn't been canceled incurs a change fee. So if you want an earlier flight, that'll be $110 dollars.*

Me: I have to get to New York for a meeting, so I guess I'll pay.

Spirit: Let me confirm your details. You've already paid your base fare, plus your taxes and airport and government fees, plus your $20 assigned seat fee*. Are you checking any bags?

Me: No, I just have my computer and a small carry-on.

Spirit: Oh, sorry sir. You're only allowed one carry-on that fits under your seat. We charge $45* for an overhead carry-on bag, or we could check it for $25*.

Me: A checked bag is cheaper than a carry-on bag? Isn't that a little stupid?

Spirit: Hey watch it, or I might hit you with the $15 abuse fee.

Me: OK, I'll check the bag.

Spirit: Super. Oh, I forgot to mention that it's an additional $5 to print the luggage tag, and another $5 to let you know which carousel the bag will arrive at when you land. But that's still $10 cheaper than the carry-on option.

Me: I suppose you're going to tell me that you charge for water and bathrooms, too.

Spirit: Ha-ha. Quite the sense of humor, sir. Actually, we do charge $3* for bottled water on board. The bathrooms are free. Our boss said we'd never charge for bathrooms.

Me: Well that's a relief.

Spirit: But he never said anything about toilet paper! Hope you brought a spare roll – otherwise, it's 25 cents a sheet. Quality product though, two-ply and extra absorbent.

Me: Can I just have my boarding pass please?

Spirit: Why yes, that's included in the change fee. It's been a real pleasure serving you today.

Me: So, what's my total for this flight?

Spirit: That's $482. One-way.

(I collapse to the floor.)

Spirit: Uh-oh, looks like it's time for another $50 CPR fee…Thanks for flying Spirit, where talk isn't cheap but our fares can't be beat!

(*All fees marked with an asterisk are real.)

The Spirit Airline business approach always reminds me of that old quote "nobody ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public" . They keep pulling crap with respect to every little fee to nickle and dime their customers but the customers keep coming. Why should Spirit stop the bs? I realize that sometimes the savings are to big to ignore but as long as people continue to fly them they will continue on the same old nickle and dime path they have been on the last 3-4 years.

Ever been to the movies? Pay for popcorn and pop?

I dont mind a few fees but I priced a ticket for October it came out 343 ,man was I excited until I added all the fees and I went back to Delta dont know what I was thinking For a few more bucks I can fly non stop and feel relatively sure it will take off and be on time. The price of oil doesn't reflect these ridiculous prices I guess they know something we don't ,I am afraid we will see 5 dollar a gallon gas before long and 516 will seem like a bargin.

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Oh please, please CrackerAss, please come to MDE with us. You will just love it there.

JUST BOOKED R/T TPA SJO $211 IF U KNOW GAME IT OK I WILL PUT UP WITH A LITTLE BS FOR PRICE

Make sure you post the checked bag fees, or the carry-on fees, or the picking of the seat fees!!

I fly Spirit all the time, but post the whole price

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In honor of Jimmy V week, "Don't give up, don't ever give up!"

Which would you pick?

Spirit Air First Class(Big Front Seat) or Delta Coach(sit in the back)

Both flights are about the same price.

I always pick Spirit Air and pay $50 to $100 extra for the front big seat...and the total comes out to be same as a Delta flight with coach seats.

this seems crazy