www.CostaRicaTicas.com

Success (however you define it) or failure ultimately depends on the two people involved, and everything that goes into making a person who they are.

There are guys who marry their high school sweethearts and stay married forever. There are plenty more whose marriages fall apart quickly. You can't blame cultural and age differences there.

As far as Costa Rica (or Thailand, Phil.s, Russia, whatever) goes, there are built in pluses and built in obstacles. Still, any relationship is a lot more complicated than any two factors can describe. If you are an honest and caring person and choose an honest and caring partner, your chances are better with a woman from any culture than a guy who is clueless about women and hooks up with a head case, regardless of how much they seem to have in common in culture, social status, taste in furniture, astrological sign, favorite football team, etc.

Culture and language do matter, but they matter less than a lot of other items, which would fill a book and probably have. I'm too lazy and ignorant to write such a book, unfortunately.

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"The only normal people are those you don't know very well." Joe Ancis

Prediction holding up.. Somebody offer something new...

How long does the relationship have to last to be considered a success? Is that length of time different than what you would consider a success with a "regular" woman?

You realize that once you have to ask that – Checkmate – GAME OVER, MAN!

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Hit them fast, Hit them hard and NEXT!
A good chica is like a good carpenter - No wood gets wasted!!!

No, I didn't realize that. Forgive my ignorance, but I'm just trying to ascertain what (in your mind) would be considered a successful relationship? Are we talking a lifelong marriage? That rarely happens with "regular" women. And we call those relationships successful, no?

Why is it that if the relationship with a putilla ends (at any point) we automatically consider it a colossal failure, even if it ended for the same reasons that "regular" relationships do? Sounds like a double-standard.

I personally know a guy who married a "regular" Tica and brought her the states. They just finalized the divorce a few months ago. It lasted like 2-3 years. She and her K*D are now permanent residents and will stay in the US. Some would say that she (this "regular" woman) used him to get herself a greencard and a better life.

I also know a guy who has been with a former working girl for almost 4 years, married for 1.5. They are happily married, living in the US, and things couldn't be better. They seem to be in love and what she did in the past is not even a memory anymore.

Bottom line, don't judge the relationship or the probability of "success" based on what the woman's (or the man's) former profession was, look at each person. That's what Bilko was saying and I agree completely.

And I will disagree. Life goes on. My posts were directed for the odds of that relationship being successful. But it seems that even the guys on the relationship have questions themselves. They are trying to convince each other that marrying a chica is a good thing. I just do not see anybody buying that one, unless the ones already in the hole.

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Hit them fast, Hit them hard and NEXT!
A good chica is like a good carpenter - No wood gets wasted!!!

Define "successful" as it related to this topic.

What am I? Your secretary?

Look it up!

Google it!

_________________
Hit them fast, Hit them hard and NEXT!
A good chica is like a good carpenter - No wood gets wasted!!!

Its one of those questions that can't be answered really. Its much easier to join the peanut gallery and just "wait it out"..

When a 3rd party feels a relationship will fail; time is after all, on their side...

That said, if I lived in CR (after many months I'm sure) I would eventually have a novia in CR. I wouldn't put the odds any better or worse because of where I am or the girls background.

Cujo

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"Pain is the fuel that fans the flames of my pyre. A battle plan is only as good as the general carrying it out on the field. This is my war son, and I have the biggest bombs and the smallest conscience"...

No "brain fart" on my part, JOsie. I will be 58 this month. You think I want to watch football with some 58 yr old gringa, let alone bed her? Does she have any grand daughters?

You are a very young man to be so full of wisdom, JOsie. We'll see how your swagger holds up over time....

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"Your love gives me such a thrill
but your love don't pay my bills,
I NEED THE MONEY!" - John Lee Hooker

Disclaimer: The above is merely the opinion of the author unless specific scientific data is included.
Your mileage may vary. https://costaricaticas.com/phpBB2/viewto ... 978#206978

And Pac, I hear the message. And probably you are one of those that will be successful with the relationship. Wish you luck. Again, youth or age or even wisdom is not what I’m trying to convey but it seems that everyone wants to ignore the initial question of what odds will you give to a relationship with a chica?

To me still at a Zero, that is why I will try to never enter into that type of relationship. If you do or do not if up to you. But to parlay that against a relationship here at the states it is a leap of faith that I do not want to bet against. But to those that do, Good Luck.

FYI: http://www.complex.com/blogs/2008/09/26 ... s-over-40/

_________________
Hit them fast, Hit them hard and NEXT!
A good chica is like a good carpenter - No wood gets wasted!!!

I didnt mean to start a big debate on the subject, Just wanted to offer a different point of view on the odds of success. Yes there are many dificulties to overcome and no guarantees as with any relationship. The biggest considerations are financial ability and motive.. If you ask her to give up her job you have to be able to provide for her and her family and be willing to do so with no strings attached. My definition of success is knowing that nothing I have done for her compares to what she has done for me.
Damn I sound sappy huh...( :

No need to apologize at least from my end. Thirdworld might think otherwise. But that is the whole spirit of the forum; you discuss and present different views of point. If you do not care for it, you move on.

_________________
Hit them fast, Hit them hard and NEXT!
A good chica is like a good carpenter - No wood gets wasted!!!

Okay, let me try to add something different. First of all I'm not really sure anyone really wants to hear something different or that many people will take the time to read such a long post. Perhaps they would just rather sling mud at one another and prove they are right but in the off chance. I'd like to try and take a stab at something a little more meaningful, although I fully understand I am setting myself up to be flamed. If not for thinking for at least bothering to write it down.

What is the definition of a successful long term relationship? Before anyone can determine whether something is a success or failure requires a definition of what successful is. If you look around the "real" world what you will see is a lot of desperate people holding on to a definition of what a "perfect relationship" is, but when you examine what is going on in society it simply does not match that definition. Statistically 50% of marriages end in divorce. That statistic is sobering enough but how many additional marriages are there that survive but are unhappy and do not meet that definition? How many others stay together out of convenience or out of fear of being alone or even religious conviction? The statistics above refer only to marriages but how many more "relationships" fail. I don't think I have ever read a statistic on relationship's failure rate. I would suggest it is much higher than the rate of marriage failure. When you look at the bigger picture it seems to me that very few marriages or relationships live up to what is commonly defined as a successful long term relationship. Certainly the longer you stretch out the time frame the lower the chance of survival. If it is even possible to make a long term relationship work by this definition. I don't think anyone would argue that it takes work and compromise from both parties. If you happen to believe in the fairy tale version of "living happily ever after" then the odds of success long term would be very low no matter who is involved. Relationships are not static they are ever changing. I would suggest that it isn't relationships that do not work but perhaps our definition that does not truly represent what occurs in the real world. Perhaps it is the "forever" part of the equation that does not fit. I would suggest that unless there is a willingness of both parties to understand the needs of their partners and to truly want to make sure those needs are fulfilled then they are doomed to failure. Our western philosophy dominated society in general is based on a premise that God made Eve for Adam and that we are like certain other creatures that have life long mates. It is my contention that this is a total fallacy. It simply makes no biological sense. The role nature has given every species is to reproduce and carry on the species. To that end men and women have different objectives that are at times apparently at odds with one another, at least in our society. For instance a woman can have at the very most two chi***en in a given year (if they are single births). Say she has a ch**d in Jan then she could theoretically then have one again in September. Therefore, her goals in choosing a mate is greatly different than the needs of the male who could theoretically produce one a day or more, based on some to the trip reports I read! (LOL) So a mans needs would appear to be opposed to those of the female in regards to a monogamous relationship.

In my mind it is monogamy that is the obstacle to a life long loving relationship unless both parties understand this basic premise. Our traditional view of love is based on a hierarchal structure, much like that of building a building. You start off with a good foundation and then build a first floor, a second, a third, a fourth until we reach the preferred "penthouse" level. Jealousy from both the male and female is the stumbling block that leads to failure. However there is a way around this obstacle. It is called compersion. Compersion is the opposite of jealousy. Instead of being threatened by someone you love loving another, you take pleasure in it. It is my contention that this type of relationship would have just the opposite chance of survival as the traditional husband/wife relationships we now call normal. I find them not to be the norm nor do I find them to be normal. Not only are current definitions of "long term successful" relationships a mirage so are the building blocks of our society. Suppose we looked a love more as a spider web where there are no levels each connection equal to the next. Who is to say which part of the web is more important than the next. Each intersection is equal to the next and one dependant on the other. It is only in the very recent history that mankind lived in the kind of societal environment that we now find ourselves. For most of mankind's existence monogamy was not the norm. I would suggest that we need to redefine our relationship structure to better match what actually occurs in nature.

Most, if any, relationships between man and woman do not start from love. Love is something that takes time to grow and nurture. What may start out as a strong physical attraction given time may lead to love but not always. So what is love? I believe people once they reach the age of reason realize from the moment of birth we begin our journey to death. That we are cold and alone floating in an endless universe. Isolated in the spaceship we call our bodies. Quite the depression thought and it is this knowledge that creates in each and everyone of us a basic anxiety. In fact so depressing that it may be possible for mankind to sink into an abyss so deep that we fail to carry on the species. So, how do we get past this? How do we carry on? Luckily there are ways we over come this. For instance. A world class athlete when he is in the "zone". He is totally focused. Time and space for him in that moment stands still there is nothing but that moment and the depression and fear subsides. Since most of us are not world class athletes this is not a very practical solution to the problem. Another solution is sex. In that moment of orgasm again there is no time and space. For that brief instant the world is good. There is no time and space. However there is a problem with this solution as well. Just as it is with the case of the athlete the remedy is only momentary and must be repeated over and over to feel the effects. So how do we carry on? The answer to that is love. Love connects one to another. When we love we are not alone. We are connected. We are part of something bigger than ourselves. Through love we create a web of relationships that gives us hope. I would suggest that love is our salvation. Without it we are doomed. Furthermore I would suggest that love is universal and all love springs forth from the same source. Therefore all love is equal and the same. What is different is the manifestation of love. We love each person in our lives differently based on our relationship with them. While it isn't appropriate to love our mother as we do our wife's and girl friends the basic emotion of love is the same. It is the manifestation that is different.

So now, how do we love? What is love. I believe love is acceptance. Through accepting someone for who they are we are able to love them. We love them not just for the things we see in them and admire but also for their faults. You hear people say I love someone inspire of this or that but I suggest that true love is when we love them because of those very faults we see. It is those faults that make them unique and special and some we find a way to accept them. Therefore, love in my opinion has far more to do with one's self than it does with the other person. Love comes from one's own capacity to love and to accept not in some "perfect match", a "soul mate". The concept of a perfect match leads to hierarchical love and is detrimental to our ability to create and maintain connections with all the possibilities that exist. In our society we search for that "one" that "soul mate" that is supposed to meet all of our wants and desires. Unfortunately without possessing the ability to accept another for who they are we will never find what we seek.

I'm sure many people reading this will wonder why I would write such a long dissertation on love and relationships and how that might relate to a relationship with a working girl. Well that is a very good question but the answer is also quite simple. In some ways perhaps these girls understand the difference in sex and love while many others don't. They are able to some how separate the two. Don't get me wrong jealousy exist in working girls just as it does in most of us but it is quite possible that they are in a better position to accept the notion of a different kind of relationship. The key to making a relationship work with a working girl or anyone else for that matter is in our own ability to accept them for who they are and not judge them. We can only hope that they in turn can do the same for us.

So you see guys, in order to know what success is one first has to define success. So in my opinion and many others before you rush in to proclaim that something will not work you must first define what success is. Otherwise you are arguing to argue and it is pointless. I look forward to reading something meaningful in reply but suspect I'll get the same old un-thought out arguments of why something won't work.

KenLee

No flaming here. It may have been long, but IMO it was a great, thought-provoking post. Nice job KenLee! Cheers!!

MG

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You ALWAYS have an option ....... "NEXT" !!!