IMO, some good advice from others...........
From reading your words you are hurting badly right now. This pain is very real to you. There is a space in your body where you can feel this pain, possibly your heart? The power of this feeling is overwhelming right now, and it seems constant. Obviously not a good space for you.
Identify where in your body this feeling lies. Does it have a shape, a color? Identify it as much as possible. Until you can understand that this feeling can be your friend, it will be your enemy. How can it possibly be good? The sooner that you realize that you are feeding this feeling, the sooner you can change that thought to a positive about self. It must be used to tell you where you choose not to be. If you are not thinking the highest thought for self, the sooner you realize that, and change that thought, the sooner you will be on the road to being who you choose to be.
You are only one thought away from being whatever you choose. At the moment due to the hurt, you may feel "less than who you really are". Do not let yourself dwell there, it does not serve you in any way. Right now there are many if, could, should, would thoughts traveling through your mind. That is the past, and cannot be undone, but it can serve you instead of hurting you. Honor this lady with the thoughts of the good times that you had, and how she has made you a better person, instead of the negatives about what could have been.
You may want to do some mirror work. This is one of the hardest things for me. Do not just see your reflection in the mirror, but look into your soul through your eyes. You will be able to "see" who you really are. From the words you have written you seem to be a good, but wounded man. Time will heal this, but your actions can make the process much shorter. It could be in seconds if you choose that route.
Which man do you choose to be today? Make it the stronger, powerful, man that you can be. You are only one thought away from being that man. You are at a fork in the road of life, choose the positive direction, and not the "less than" direction.
I wish you much luck on your journey. It is a road that has many pot holes.
Health & happiness to you.............
_________________ It's not the size of the wand that put the rabbit in the hat, it's the magic in it!!!
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