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Sorry snow day here in the Land of Non-Mongering and high taxes, so I have way too much free time on my hands (and exactly one week until I leave for the DR)
I started this post off as a response to the post that Paco resuscitated from 2004 about a Monger marrying a Nica posted by King Costa and I am curious to learn if the marriage fared well; I am not optimistic, but I still would like to know. It would lend credibility to my theory that virtually all of these marriages end in an usually bad manner i.e. Gringo husband meets new Gringo boyfriend in the SL, or new wife or girlfriend spends the gringo boyfriend into the poor house or gringo gets a phone call informing him that the would be wife is cheating on him with a neighbor and still selling her wares at the DR; there are a hundred other examples.
Anyway, I thought that maybe I would make this a new post about what I see as commonalities in all of these fiascos and see where the discussion leads.
A couple of old boys have made a comment that I am always saying the same thing about sending money and trying to make an honest women out of a whore and my response is well, “The truth is still the truthâ€
I am not trying to be a naysayer against guys that want to marry a nice women from another country, I am just trying to stress that there is no shortcut to happiness. Yet time and again, we all witness guys trying to take that cut.
All of these failed relationships†described on CRT share the same commonalities and should serve as a warning sign that the Monger in question is not thinking with the big head.
For those folks challenged in not knowing whether they are in love or “in lust†I thought I would attempt to put together a list of warning signs that you are thinking with the little head.
1) You always read the same old thing in almost the same order. It is always how hot the girl is and how hot the sex is first. Ask yourself the following question; How many successfully married guys would even talk about sex with their beloved in graphic detail in a open forum like the CRT? Probably not too many. Why? Because it is a private matter with a person you love and respect, as opposed to a hot steamy encounter with a paid sexual aide.
2) You find yourself rationalizing her occupation. If any of your explanations to friends, family, fellow mongers or anyone else start with “she is only hooking because;†you’re in trouble. It doesn’t matter why she is doing it, it matters only that she is doing it. It is easy money; that’s the reason; the rest is just an excuse. I always equate it to women who are strippers in the U.S., but no one ever picks upon that analogy. It is just another tier on the ladder that is the sex industry. But, talk to one of them for a while and normally you will hear why this woman has chosen to work in the skin trade. Its like a furniture mover once told me, “Well, no one grows up thinking one day I want to move furniture for a living†Yes, it is very difficult for a single women with a Ch*ld or two to support a family in CR, but there are always other viable alternatives to being a prostitute.
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3) All of the recent stories or confessions from mongers who got caught up in the illusion that they could save these girls witnessed and described illogical, irrational and dysfunctional behaviors way beyond the norm. Drug use, non-stop crying jags, lying, RFMs, gringo HINO (husbands in name only), lying, cheating, drugging a gringo boyfriend, self loathing, and yet they turn a blind eye to it.
4) A lot of the guys that got caught up in the whole novia /marriage situations that end badly seems to be relatively inexperienced in one or more areas including but not limited to not knowing the language, being overly impressed with a few hot sexual encounters, having little experience dealing with Latinas in general or seem to have a certain trusting nature that makes them easily influenced.
Now, the bottom-line to all of these observations is that while there is no free lunch, there certainly are ways that any self respecting Gringo can meet romance and marry nice girls from Latin America or elsewhere (in the non Gringalandia Universe) and have better than an even chance of success. I know several guys that have journeyed to different countries and brought back wives. Based on their experiences, I would like to offer some suggestions:
1. Don’t date hookers, strippers, nude dancers, massage parlor girls, etc. etc.. Bottom-line, don’t do it.
2. If you’re going to use an agency, use a reputable one. A lot of the agencies are fronts for prostitution, but there are some diamonds among the coals.
3. Learn the language if possible. It shows resolve and it will allow you to get to know the other person better. I learned Spanish in the Army and through 20 years of work and travel in Latin America. The stuff that you can pick up being said in a place like the DR is truly amazing.
4. Be realistic. If you are sixty, do you really think it would be wise to try and romance a 24 year old? I mean I am sure it would be a nice experience for one of you, it would probably be best to look for someone, if not your exact age, within 10 years or so.
5. Don’t rush into anything; don’t expect sex with a nice girl to happen in the short term. My idea would be to take a nice girl out one night and go out mongering the next or something like that, with the eventual goal of consummating it with the nice girl so you don’t need the hookers anymore. Once that is going on, visit on occasion as just “a friend with benefitsâ€, observe what is going on when you are there and keep the lines of communication open. Only fools rush in; there is no reason why you couldn’t keep it at this stage for a year or longer.
6. Meet the family. Are they good hardworking middle class people or folks that are going to be holding out their hand at any given opportunity? They will be sizing you up, so you should do the same. This will be subjective, but if the family abode is a clean, descent place with most of the modern conveniences, the father and brothers have jobs and the various K*ds have decent cloths, that would be good sign.
7. Do your due diligence: After you find the love of your life, hire a P.I. or attorney to have here checked out. Make sure they are reputable. If the report comes back less than clean, dump her.
8. Protect yourself: Have a written escape clause. A prenuptial agreement should be mandatory, unless you have few assets. If she won’t sign it, no reason to proceed.
9. Have agreements about issues that can cause problems. I think 2 major problems will be 1) Her need to spread the (your) wealth with her family. 2) American’s overpowering need to change or Gringa-ize her. This can take the form of a nosy gringa who can’t wait to tell her what a sucker she is for cooking and cleaning for you to the various horny idiots that will try to put the make on her at the produce stand. Either way, work out these issue ahead of time and it might help to keep the relationship strong.
As for me, I have dated several regular women from Mexico, Panama, Colombia, CR, Korea, even Ireland, Australia, New Zealand, not to mention, Gringalandia (because dating here is not worth mentioning) but my experience as of late is somewhat dated. I have made a commitment to myself to reenergize that initiative by taking a definite step with that goal in mind within the next 6 months to a year.
Anyway, I was hoping that maybe some of the guys that are being successful with “nice girls†might also chime in with some of the issues or problems that they have encountered.
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