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| The end https://forum.costaricaticas.com/viewtopic.php?f=19&t=21909 |
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| Author: | Bktuna [ Thu Feb 21, 2008 12:46 pm ] |
| Post subject: | The end |
I have not posted much recently due to being busy with work and life in general. I am not sure if I am quite ready to post this, but hopefully it will be cathartic. I also seem to be partially responsible for this section due to my Novia Rules and Musings post about a year ago. In the last few days I made the very tough decision to be single again after a 1 year live in relationship with a Nica (K). In the end, her jealousy and insecurity created enough stress to really bother me. I am saddened on many levels by the break. I am also unsure of my exact motives and am feeling pretty damn guilty at the moment. As I have said before I tend to vacillate between monogamous (wife/girlfriend) relationships and mongering single life. Both tend to bore me after a while and I switch. I was not really looking for a full time live in Novia when I met K, it just sort of happened. She was young, pretty and liked me. I never had any of the typical issues (dishonesty, unfaithfulness, crazy family, asking for money) In fact she was always just happy to be with me and do whatever. She simply wanted a husband and Ch*ldren (she has none). We were compatible in many ways and not in a few. I knew of her jealousy and insecurities before I got involved with her, so it is not like it was a big surprise. I tried not to lead her on but she always made assumptions way beyond what I had committed to. The 12 hours of crying were the most painful thing I have ever witnessed (way worse than both divorces) and I feel pretty crappy about myself at the moment. As always we have many tales of the evil Latina taking advantage of the Good Guy Gringo. This one is probably more on the lines of sometimes we mislead them and hurt them by taking away dreams of a better more secure life. I imagine many gringos have either intentionally or unintentionally misled the girls, but we do not tend to post when we are the villain. I am looking forward to the freedom to enjoy my CRT friends company which has been limited due to the relationship and not worth the stress caused to go out with the boys. I do not tend to be overly self-critical but this time I really do feel like I hurt someone else due to my inability to stop it way earlier in the relationship. BKTUNA I am never going home |
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| Author: | Mucho Gusto [ Thu Feb 21, 2008 1:16 pm ] |
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BK, You have certainly been missed around here. Sorry to hear this from you, and I'm sure that there's not much anyone can say right now to ease the pain that you're feeling. Just know that you have many friends here. If you want to vent, go for it. You're one of the good guys! Hang in there bro'. MG 
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| Author: | Crookedcr [ Thu Feb 21, 2008 1:38 pm ] |
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Almost every relationship ends at some point and almost every time, at least one of the two is sad - be it in the USA, CR, or anywhere. I don't think we should vow to stay out of serious relationships just because most of them fail. The bottom line is that the chica knows what you are about. Her insecurity is her weakness - not yours. If she was not ready to handle a relationship with you it is no more your fault that it ended than it is hers. It just didn't work, it hurts, and you move on. I have been in past relationships with insecure women, and they were all difficult to be in and difficult to get out of. At least you had the wisdom and backbone to do something about it. |
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| Author: | PacoLoco [ Thu Feb 21, 2008 1:58 pm ] |
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Sorry to hear it Bk, she seemed like a great chica. I hear a lot about how jealous Latinas are, what gives? I watched an amigo's relationship with a Tica and she was at times literally insane with jealousy for no reason, even accusinhg him of being with her best amiga. She would look through his things, laptop, cell phone, always insecure and making crazy accusations, it was nuts and I couldn't have put up with it. I know they are more posessive and jealous than the average gringa but some take it to a point where it's self destructive- to the whole relationship. |
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| Author: | Green Giant [ Thu Feb 21, 2008 2:17 pm ] |
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I applaud your honesty and openness. I think we hurt them much more often than is admitted to. Many of us are way too macho to admit that we may have caused any suffering. I always remember the old adage - It is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all. This goes for both sides. |
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| Author: | BangBang57 [ Thu Feb 21, 2008 8:05 pm ] |
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BK, As I told you the last time we ran into each other in SL, I got rid (dumped) my movia also. I came to Costa Rica to retire, enjoy life, be free, pluck a lot of chicas, and do the things I wanted to with out having to answer to anyone. With a novia, all this gets blown out the window. No time nor money for other chicas because she wanted all my time and MONEY, no time for my amigos because she was jealous, no time to travel because she had K*ds and couldn't and did not trust me solo. Planned 3 trips to Nicaragua and finally made it last week after dumping her because she did not trust me in Nicaland (and now I know why)  
But I am STILL having twinges of pain even after a month. Her brother who she lived with was shot Sat. and died Monday. Have been with her a lot the past 3 days and several times it was very difficult not to give in and take her back. I know she has no money and since I will no longer support her she said yesterday "I guess I will go back to work at the REY". All the chicas are masters at playing on our sympathys and our corazons. We must be strong and not give in. Good luck in your efforts, amigo |
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| Author: | Keylargoandy [ Thu Feb 21, 2008 8:48 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Sorry to hear it Bk....My ended around 3 months ago. However, I am going back next week to see about re-kindling it again. We have been talking and things are looking pretty good so who knows, maybe yours is just a temporary thing. Whatever happens, buenos suerte. Take care |
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| Author: | Bilko [ Thu Feb 21, 2008 9:57 pm ] |
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BK, I sympathize, since I had something slightly similar happen, though much shorter duration. I tried the Novia bit but it didn't work for me with the particular girl, through no real fault of her own. She is still a friend but I know she still misses me and I never wanted to cause her grief. Sometimes you just can't avoid hurting feelings, it's just part of life. Unfortunate but true. We aren't gods, just humans. |
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| Author: | Ciaociao32001 [ Thu Feb 21, 2008 11:58 pm ] |
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BKTuna As a fan of both you and K, all I can say is that I look forward to hanging with you when you eventually come out of hiding! 
Ciaociao |
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| Author: | Lennydo [ Fri Feb 22, 2008 2:29 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
BK, I'm coming down Friday to supervise my Novia's move out. I'll write more later with more details in the VIP area after the move out is complete. She asked to remain friends and seems to at least be acting very guilty and I want to get her move completed while she is feeling guilty and before her chica friends give her ideas. I was surprised when I asked if what you do with a friend is the same as what you do with a lover, just not as often and she agreed.  So, if you see us hanging out together when I am in town, it's not that she's moving back in, but that we are enjoying each other as we did before we moved in together. This may last for a month or so until she will moves in with another gringo or it may not happen at all.
As I said earlier, I'm not feeling devastated by this, but rather relieved of the obligation that I was taking on to bring her and her 5 year old son to the US. I realized that what I had in mind for her in the US was my fantasy, not hers and like me, she was very worried that she could not measure up to my expectations. However, her childish response to this made even my fantasy untenable. I look forward to seeing you guys soon and expect to emerge at the SL by Monday or Tuesday. I'll write the details in the VIP area soon. |
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| Author: | Bktuna [ Fri Feb 22, 2008 10:07 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
Thanks for all the notes, guys. I am doing ok and will be fine. The last couple of stress free days have been nice. I do worry about her, but am no longer capable of handling the relationship. Several good firends have had me our for a few drinks the last couple of nights and that helped distract me. BKTUNA I am never going home |
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| Author: | El Ciego [ Fri Feb 22, 2008 10:19 am ] |
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BK, I really like K. and I know how tough this is for you. I think we in our 40's and 50's sometimes forget what it's like to be 20, how emotions loom so large, how intense every feeling can be. When we're confronted by the emotions of the young ones, we as older adults often return to that old familiar pain...but doubled. I echo MG... You're one of the good guys. I'm certain that when it ended, you ended it as gently and with as much tenderness as possible. I know you to be a gentle man, not just a gentleman... Whenever you and K. were together, I saw how solicitous and protective you were of her. Please have no regrets, friend. K. will be okay.  And so will you.
Your friend, Paul |
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| Author: | El Viejo [ Fri Feb 22, 2008 10:41 am ] |
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BK, sorry about your pain. When there is a breakup and self doubt, the result is understandably uncomfortable. We've all had similar situations. |
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| Author: | LAdiablo [ Fri Feb 22, 2008 5:26 pm ] |
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bk as i tell you every time i see you, thanks again for all you have written. it is enlightening for all of us. jealousy is impossible to overcome and just seems to get worse. almost leaves you feeling like you might as well just start doing it since you get accused of it all the time anyway. must be hard to stay clear of each other with you living down there. good luck in the future |
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| Author: | Raw [ Sun Feb 24, 2008 1:38 pm ] |
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I admire anyone who isnt afraid to give a long term relationship a try. I half hearted swore them off years ago and whole hearted swore them off after visiting CR and Colombia. I still think about a LTR sometimes but dont think its in the cards for me . Breaking up always sucks and I cant deal with all the drama, guilt etc. |
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