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| Do you attend a "redneck" church? https://forum.costaricaticas.com/viewtopic.php?f=16&t=8934 |
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| Author: | Irish Drifter [ Fri Nov 11, 2005 6:47 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Do you attend a "redneck" church? |
You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... ### people ask when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish and what bait was used to catch 'em. ### when the pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering," five guys and two women stand up. ### opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday. ### a member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of." ### the choir is known as the "OK Chorale". ### in a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory. ### Baptism is referred to as "branding". ### high notes on the organ set the dogs on the floor to howling. ### people think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy. ### the baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized washtub. ### the choir robes were donated by (and embroidered with the logo from) Billy Bob's Barbecue. ### the collection plates are really hub caps from a '72 Pinto. ### instead of a bell, you are called to service by a duck call. ### the minister and his wife drive matching pickup trucks. ### the communion wine is Boone's Farm "Tickled Pink". ### "Thou shalt not covet" applies to hunting dogs, too. And finally, you Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if ... the final words of the benediction are, "Y'all come back now! Ya Hear." |
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