Came across this in a self-help book that I am reading and thought others might want to learn also. I will list the first 15 of a list of 69, an appropriate number 69 is!!!
Disclaimer: The following sexual positions are not real. You should not try them at home as they may cause injury, disease, or even death. Then again, they may also cause your woman to worship you like a god, drop to her knees at the mere sight of your bulging penis, or spend the rest of her existence begging you to give her just five more minutes of sexual euphoria. The choice is yours.
1. THE ALTAR BOY: While standing up, have a chick get down on her knees and try to swallow your hog. While she's sucking away, use your fingers to part her hair down the middle and start reciting scripture.
2. ANGRY DRAGON: Immediately after dropping your load inside a girl's mouth, smack the back of her head until the "stuff" comes out of her nose. With a vicious look in her eyes and dribble out of her nostrils, she'll look like an angry dragon.
3. ARABIAN GOGGLES: While she's got her tongue in your ass, you place your testicles over her eye sockets. This is difficult logistically, but can be accomplished if you practice a bit.
4. BLOCKING THE BOX: If you and a buddy are tag-teaming some chick, get her from behind while he's up front. In an entirely selfish move, release your seed so that he is prevented from using that box after you're done. (AKS: Access Denied Error, Road Closed due to Bad Conditions.) Works best without condom.
5. BOHEMIAN SNAP: Once you've got her in the "six pack" (fingers in her box and your thumb in her butt) try to snap your fingers together while quickly pulling them out of her. The pressure will torture the thin membrane in between her two holes, forcing her to scream out like an angry Bohemian.
6. BUCKING BRONCO: While going doggy-style, you grab her tits or hips as tightly as possible and call her a "no good whore." She will jump up and start running around the room, giving you the feeling of riding a bronco, as she tries to buck you off.
7. CHEESE GRATER: A blowjob from a girl with braces.
8. CRAZY FIREMAN: Seconds before you erupt, light her pubic hair on fire and put it out with your ejaculate. Also know as the "Flaming Amazon.
9. DEAD HORSING: Wait until your girlfriend has passed out drunk, and then ravage her like a prison inmate.
10. DOGS-IN-A-BATHTUB: Putting both of your testicles into a girls butt. It is more difficult than trying to keep dogs in a bathtub.
11. DONKEY PUNCH: While in the doggy-style position, right before you C*m, pull out and insert it in her butt while punching her in the back of the head. If she passes out, the anal constrictions can be absolutely heavenly.
12. FLYING CAMEL: While in a standard missionary position, balance youself on her body without using your arms to prop you up. Then, flap your arms and let out a long, banshee-like howl.
13. GAYLORD PERRY: Putting a minimum of three knuckles in your woman's love spot.
14. JUMPING THE CURB: While thowing it to your lady doggy-style, get going with long, fast strokes, and pull all the way out during a stroke and replant yourself in her a** instead of her box. If she complains, you can say it was an accident!! (Also known as "The Sneaky Pete.")
15. ON THE ROCKS: A great party favorite accomplished by dunking your ball sac into someone's drink after he's left the room. When the person returns, enjoy the sight of him drinking your scrotal sweat. Enjoy extra laughts if you leave a nice pube in there sticking up like a tacky drink umbrella.
Have a Great Day,
Dave