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A guy gets a call from the police telling him that his house was robbed.


The offenders had also consumed all of his beer and had raped his wife.
A moment of silence passes and the guy says, “I can't believe they f**ked my wife after only five beers!
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Got this text from my brother recently.
It read. Can I stay at your house for a while?

The ol' Lady kicked me out after she caught me measuring my d i c k.
.... It just reaches the back of her sister's throat!
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I was banging this nice Lady over her kitchen table when we heard the front door open.

She said, It's my husband! Quick, try the back door!
Thinking back, I really should have ran but you don't get offers like that every day.
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I saw a fortune teller the other day.

She told me I would come into some money.
Last night I f**ked a girl called Penny, is that spooky or what?
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The missus asked me, When you're on a boys only trip away, do you think about me?

.... Apparently Only to stop myself from coming too quickly wasn't the right answer .

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Some guy just knocked on my door selling raffle tickets for poor orphans. I said, F**k that knowing my luck, I'd win one!