www.CostaRicaTicas.com

So I did it. Got the snip -- the tiny tubes terminated -- pinched off the old baby batter blaster -- you get the picture. While it was (as every man who has ever had it done at least one year prior will tell you) a very simple and quick procedure, I would not ever in good conscience tell another man considering it that it was anything less than a miserable experience. Most guys (fellow blank shooters) I spoke with played it down and made it sound as easy and manly as getting a few stitches after a bar brawl -- well I beg to differ. Although, all the slice-snip-burn-sew blow by blow, step by step tales I was told were frighteningly similar -- and mine is no different:

THEY TAPE YOUR DICK!!!- So after sitting slightly nervous and unquestionably cold in an ass-less gown for about 15 minutes -- periodically wiggling my pink pal just to shake out the shrinkage all the while being mindful not go full mast -- I mean who gets a hard-on in a cold doctor's office while waiting for some dude to rip open your sack and jam some scissors in the hole? Not this weirdo -- Anyhoo, the doctor & nurse bust in like they were trying to catch me jerkin' it (I'm too quick handed to worry about that) and get to work. I lay back, and ol' doc flips up the gown with the vigor and assuredness of a popular jock prom date -- pulls out and rips off about two feet of masking tape -- grabs my C*ck -- stretches it past my belly button -- and tapes it quite securely to my abdomen. In hindsight I think it's so my Johnson didn't retract into my pelvis as the pain, shame and discomfort slowly consumed me.

MEATBALLS IN A HOLE- The next step in prepping for the procedure was a generous coat of peroxide lathering my thighs -- then came the covering. The doc held up a dishtowel sized heavy cloth with a 3-4 inch diameter hole, well stitched and reinforced with a canvas-like material (you know, so your balls don't tear through it like wet toilet paper when they figure out what's about to happen to them). My freshly shaved scrotum poked through and also received an incredibly cold peroxide dousing. He says "this might get a little uncomfortable" and begins kneading and emulsifying my scrotum between his fingers looking for the right tube to terminate (there are a few on either side) and then came the needle. . .

YOU FEEL EVERYTHING- "You're probably going to feel a sharp pain and a some burning, but then you should not feel any pain from here on" -- Now, it's not that he was lying, but it's really not that simple. Needles don't bug me and a Novocaine shot is really not that high on the pain scale -- so far so good. Then he cut into my scrotum using some Chinese method I got a pamphlet on, but didn't give a Phuck enough to read about -- felt every bit of it, but it was not painful -- numb, but sensitive enough to know exactly what was happening down there without looking. He tears me open quite aggressively (still no pain, but discomfort was creeping in) and then the snip. . ...Ooooohhhhhh the snip. I could write a 2000 adjective only essay on the sensation that shot through my lower abdomen and there is not a woman on this planet that could read it and have even a slightest inkling of what I experienced in that very moment, but it only takes four words to let a brother know -- Kicked In The Balls. Not the initial contact pain like when the foot hits the ball or the balls slap the thigh or butthole, but the stomach ache fallout that follows. It's extreme nausea without the possibility of puking AND getting the wind knocked out of you without the breathing issue AND the cold sweats of a fever without the hot skin mixed with the sharp stinging sensation (and I'm assuming here) of being stabbed.

This was the point where I made the decision not to look up and see what was going on -- let me explain: It was during the birth of our first Ch*ld that I discovered something about myself that had not previously occurred to me -- blood and gore does not phase me in person. I actually cringe sometimes when watching something particularly graphic in a movie or on TV, but when I peeked over the curtain while sitting beside my beautiful and insanely brave wife and (against the advice of the doctors and nurses in the room) peered directly into my wife's open abdomen -- did not feel faint or woozy or even the slightest bit phased witnessing the c-section birth of our daughter (I think that I am one in a very small group of men that can truthfully say that my wife is indeed beautiful both inside and out). And again for my son's circumcision (it's not mutilation if it can actually help him get laid when he is of sound mind and consenting age) where I watched wide-eyed and unflinching as they pinned back and peeled off the extra skin of my infant's penis without so much as nose crinkle. It surprised me -- I felt slightly faint in anticipation both times, but not even a knee buckle once the gore was in view. Now, after all that chest pounding I will humbly admit that I was in no condition and harbored no desire to attain so much as a glimpse of what this sadistic prick was doing to the closest friends of my taped dong.

EVER WONDER WHAT BURNT SCROTUM SMELLS LIKE?- I'm not totally sure exactly what was cauterized, but I smelled it. Didn't bug me -- it's the first thing every non-lethal sharpshooter out there told me about because it was so disturbing for them -- and because of that I was mentally prepared for it. It was weird though -- worth mentioning.

THERE ARE TWO- I am well aware that I'm no genius and this may just be common sense to most men out there -- maybe it's because I never gave it very much thought -- but it is a two part procedure and that did not initially occur to me. Two places to numb, two holes to cut, two tubes to snip and remove (which look like two small sections of spaghetti noodles -- which my doctor pointed out when he showed me commenting, "hope you weren't planning on pasta for dinner tonight" -- worth the co-pay alone) because most men have. . .everybody now. . .two balls. Duh. This was both surprising and disappointing to me as the first one is no picnic and after the full frontal sense assault I was in no mood to go through it again, but it was actually a lot easier. This time I was already entirely numb and I could identify each tug and snip as landmarks along the shameful journey and I knew exactly how many more pokes and puffs of flesh smoke were left until I could get out of there and get a burrito.

. . .AND THEN I PASSED OUT- Okay, procedure's over -- doc is gone -- nurse is gone -- and it quickly becomes (painfully) obvious that I did not shave above my penis as I rip the tape -- and my pubes -- off of my abdomen. That hurt, but detaching the tape from the loose skin of my now embarrassingly small and shriveled dick helped me to forget real quick. I was not in any pain, but I instinctively got dressed and walked out of the doctor's office (yes office -- no surgical room) like a 90 year-old with osteoporosis after a 2000 mile donkey ride. I think my ego/pride/mojo was more injured than my balls. I was texting my supportive mate to come pick me up, but looked up to see her popping up from a waiting room chair -- mojo back -- posture back -- let's go eat! We carefully walked to the car and headed to the pharmacy to pick up my new best friend for the next two days. Driving along I gave my better half a quick and g-rated rundown of the procedure and about 4 miles out the car began to close in on me. The corners got dark and I warned my bride that I was going to go under for a moment and then the entire conversation we just had played back in my head at a much higher volume and furious pace -- the screaming in my mind gave way to white noise and I came to slouched in my seat and looking over at an angelic, but severely concerned companion. If getting your balls fondled and shredded by another man doesn't Phuck with your self-esteem, passing out like a little girl shortly thereafter kind of closes the deal. Feel free to make fun of me.

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Rainman3

Maybe you went to the wrong doctor.

I didn't feel anything except the slight pin-prick on each side. I didn't even need an aspirin. No tape used. Stitches dissolved in a couple of days.

The aftereffects for the following decades have been wonderful.

RAC

That is some funny sh*t.

The worst parts for me were getting shaved, and then having my b*lls sticking up through the hole in the surgery towel. It was not a pretty site, them Babi*s were down right ugly. I guess the nurse was used to it.

Next, it was like getting kicked in the nuts for about three days. Laying there with an ice pack, not wanting to eat, was not fun.

The worst though was going back to make sure that it worked about a month later. I walk in and the nurse hands me a Playboy and leads me to a very small closet type room. I asked what is this for, and she says they need a "sample". I tell her h*ll no, I will go home and me and the ex will bring one back. Well that won't work, it has to be fresh and new. Off to the closet with the Playboy I go, and begin wacking it. Well it wasn't working real well, since I realized that everyone in the office knew what I was up to. It took forever to give them their "sample". The nurse takes it and says, "Great we'll see you in a couple of weeks". I ask what the means, and she says they will get another "sample". Let me just say, they must still be waiting. There is no way in h*ll I was going back.

Health & happiness to all..............

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It's not the size of the wand that put the rabbit in the hat, it's the magic in it!!!

Wow, an intense read for sure..how is the convalescing going?

Thanks for sharing, well written


Cujo

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"Pain is the fuel that fans the flames of my pyre. A battle plan is only as good as the general carrying it out on the field. This is my war son, and I have the biggest bombs and the smallest conscience"...

I think you took the optional sadistic vasectomy.
I had untroubled sex the same day.

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It is cheaper to pay now and get it over with.
It is also easier to get them to leave.

They need a sample(s) to make sure they did it right. The vas and the vas deferense are really small/thin even under a scope. And also there's other stuff running thru and nearby, a difficult surgical field as they would say. Docs do, rarely, but occasionally cut/cautherize the wrong thing.

In some states, not mine, if they messed up and your still shooting regulars and she gets pg, they are on the hook for what they call "wrongful life" or "wrongful birth" and it's big, big bucks. Some states limit it to only if you have a special needs Ch*ld. Can't sue for "wrongful life/birth" in many states like my state regardless (rationale is life's a blessing), other then for the re-do damages and all that. That's why they want to check, double check--their med mal insurance requires it.

There is a different type of vasectomy you can read about on line that isn't as painful and alot less complicated. Minimally invasive.

Wow! I guess there are some things that are really better the way they used to do them. I had my Vasectomy done in 1981 and it was rather painless. The nurse even let me put my arm around her as she got me ready for the doctor. I brought them a semen sample several weeks later in a baby food jar and the nurse smiled and said no, it did not matter if it had a little bit of saliva mixed in.

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Slut Puppy in Training

Is low self esteem a prerequisite for being a good Ho or is it a result? ;-)

that's some funny shit boys...guess i'll keep mine for now!

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When I was born, I was given a choice - a big pecker or a good memory.... I don't remember what I chose.

Rainman,
This description was almost EXACTLY the same experience that I had, almost to the letter! Some guys told me that getting this procedure was "no big deal". But I still remember that feeling, like I had been hit in the balls with a baseball bat, just like it happened yesterday. And I had mine done almost 19 years ago. But at least it's over, and now you can look forward to many good years of "peace-of-mind" sex!

Pura Vida,
MG

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You ALWAYS have an option ....... "NEXT" !!!

Try a Prostate Biopsy without a Local... Your Vasectomy will be a walk in the park!..... I swear to god if I wasn't in cold sweats and ready to pass out afterwards I would beaten the living shit out of that phucking quack urologist.

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"Money Won is twice as sweet as Money Earned!"