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From The Onion News Desk

WASHINGTON—Washington Redskins head coach Jim Zorn held a press conference Monday Night to reassure fans that, despite an inability to effectively execute their offense, defense, or special teams, the Redskins were still somewhat comparable to a real football team. "It's been a tough season so far, and even though we are 2-5, we still have players, uniforms, Motorola headsets—all the components that technically constitute an NFL team, sort of," Zorn said while grimacing and making a "so-so" gesture with his hand. "Sure, I was stripped of play-calling responsibilities by team management, and I really don't have any clue who will play quarterback for us this Sunday, but I swear to you, in a weird, very convoluted way, we are in the NFL." Placing his hand over the microphone, Zorn then spoke briefly with an unidentified man near the stage, and announced that, for what it's worth, the organization owns the Internet domain name washingtonredskins.com through 2010.

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The difference between a Sea Story and a Fairy Tale is that a Fairy Tale starts out 'Once Upon a Time..' and a Sea Story starts out 'This is no Shit...'

(export version only, some restrictions may apply, some assembly required, not valid where the sun don't shine...

if you live in the states of Poverty, Darkness or anywhere outside of The Blessings of Civilization Trust, Inc...other rules may apply)

Dude.....tough sports year in the District huh? Hopefully you are a Virginia Tech fan, at least they put out a good product year after year.

At this point they need to suck worse than the Lions(last year's version)...and get either Cowher, Gruden, Shanahan...somebody like that that Snyder will let take over and run that mess the right way.

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In honor of Jimmy V week, "Don't give up, don't ever give up!"

yeah, Hokies on a good program year after year. true.

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The difference between a Sea Story and a Fairy Tale is that a Fairy Tale starts out 'Once Upon a Time..' and a Sea Story starts out 'This is no Shit...'

(export version only, some restrictions may apply, some assembly required, not valid where the sun don't shine...

if you live in the states of Poverty, Darkness or anywhere outside of The Blessings of Civilization Trust, Inc...other rules may apply)

Seven year-old Michael Hanson was at the center of a Cuyahoga County courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him.. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with Ch*ld custody law and regulation requiring that family unity be maintained to the highest degree possible.

The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried and said that they also beat him.

After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.


And yes, the hokies are a good program.

After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the Ch*ld welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Washington Redskins, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.