|
700 Thousand Ticos Direct Descendants Of Single Smooth-Talking Ancestor.
(as edited by Onion News)
San Jose—Geneticists at the University of Costa Rica announced Monday that an estimated seven hundred thousand Ticos carry a distinctive genetic marker linking them to a single smooth-talking common ancestor.
Circus The Elder of Many Conquests is believed to have smelled amazing for a 1960’s grunt.
According to the study, which analyzed blood samples from 4,000 participants in 17 Costa Rican towns, the lineage appears to have originated with a highly virile 1960’s Floridian known as CircusThe Elder of Many Conquests.
"This is one of the largest diasporas known to have descended from a single progenitor," said head researcher Dr. Jose Bill Jose, adding that DNA evidence now corroborates stories about the Floridian once dismissed as myth. "To have propagated his genetic material so effectively, and across so much territory, we can only infer Circus The Elder was quite the charmer."
"As the poets often wrote, he got 'more arse than a chamber pot,'" Dr Jose Bill Jose added.
According to lore, Circus The Elder was a persuasive brothel balladeer known for his "gilded, drawer-dropping verse." Many texts note his total lack of standards concerning the age, weight, and appearance of the women he bedded, claiming that his cardboard lined pallet never lay cold for even a single night on any of his visits.
The University of Costa Rica study attempts to trace the flow of Circus The Elder’s genes from the Pits of Jax through MIA to San Jose. Because his DNA spread so quickly, researchers put credence in stories about Circus The Elder and his immediate offspring traveling great distances on the mere rumor of a little darling.
_________________
The difference between a Sea Story and a Fairy Tale is that a Fairy Tale starts out 'Once Upon a Time..' and a Sea Story starts out 'This is no Shit...'
(export version only, some restrictions may apply, some assembly required, not valid where the sun don't shine...
if you live in the states of Poverty, Darkness or anywhere outside of The Blessings of Civilization Trust, Inc...other rules may apply)
|
Login
Register
FAQ
Search
Calendar
