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The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get men to the beer. These two inventions were the foundation of modern civilization and together, they were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups: Liberals, and Conservatives.
Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting, learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.
Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girlie-men or wussies. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, public television, and the concept of voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.
A few modern liberals actually like Mexican light beer (with lime added), but most prefer a chilled glass of Sauvignon Blanc, with passion fruit and kiwi aromas which are marked by grassy notes, then rounded out on the midpalate by peach flavors. Crisp and refreshing, with a hint of chalky minerality on the finish; or Perrier bottled water. They eat raw fish but dislike beef. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.
Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, college professors, journalists, Hollywood actors and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated-hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink Sam Adams, Harpoon IPA or Fosters. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, and generally anyone who works productively.
Liberals produce little or nothing of value. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America looking for better hunting, and new places to brew beer. Liberals crept in after the Wild West was tamed and once again began the business of trying to get something for nothing.
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-PA*
Last edited by Partyanimal1984 on Thu Dec 04, 2008 9:54 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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