Some people seem to think I'm about a half-bubble off plumb. Believe me, I'm going for the full bubble! Maybe if I shared some truisms it would help to understand my perspective!
1.. My wife and I fought over religious differences. She thought she was God, I knew I was, rest her soul.
2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3.. Winning an argument on the internet is like winning a gold medal at the Special Olympics...you're still wetahded.
4.. Many people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them and hiding the bodies is a pain.
5.. I used to have a handle on life. It broke.
6.. I try not to take life too seriously: No one gets out alive.
7.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me
8.. Abolish seat belt, helmet and drug laws. Let Darwin do his thing.
9.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
10.. I'm not a complete idiot -- The dog ate some of the parts.
11.. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes...maybe.
12. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-am-I-waking-up-on-the-floor medicine.
13.. God must love stupid people; He made so many and they keep replicating.
14.. If you like to get blind drunk don't be surprised when you don't see it coming...
15.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
16.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
17.. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!
18.. I don't recall listing "wrinkled" on the list of things I wanted to be when I grew up.
19.. Procrastinate Now!
20.. If you have a degree in Liberal Arts do you still have to work the fry machine??
21.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
22.. A journey of a thousand smiles begins with a cash advance and a call to SL.
23.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park with the rest of the morons!
24..They call it PMS because MadCow Disease was already taken.
25..He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead. Might as well give it to the chicas one leche at a time. They show their appreciation much better than the grandkids.
26..A picture used to be worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory and Photoshop has dramatically reduced its credibility.
27..Ham and eggs. A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
28.. The trouble with life is there's no background music and no reset button.
29.. The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson. Still works damn good.
30.. I smile because I don't have a clue. Shhhhhhhh......
_________________
"Your love gives me such a thrill
but your love don't pay my bills,
I NEED THE MONEY!" - John Lee Hooker
Disclaimer: The above is merely the opinion of the author unless specific scientific data is included.
Your mileage may vary.
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