www.CostaRicaTicas.com

Even being sexy is up for debate in a land Kafka would appreciate
By the A.M. Costa Rica humor staff

A few of my former students arrived, a bottle of really good whiskey in hand.

So naturally the talk turned to the local culture. They were somewhat astounded when I said that in some quarters I was considered extraordinarily sexy.

"No offense, Professor, but you're old and fat," said the television anchor, brushing back his artificially colored blond hair and smiling with his store-bought teeth.

"Santa Claus, maybe, but not sexy," said the 25-year-old triathlon champ.

"That's the dumbest thing I ever heard you say," said the new lawyer who holds a weightlifting title.

"But the professor always is correct," I pointed out, adding that things in Costa Rica are not exactly what they were used to up north. I offered to show them.

As we entered the bar of the hotel whose name sounds a lot like "Del Rey," if you pronounce it quickly, they were further astounded to see all the old, fat, gray men surrounded by beautiful women from both hemispheres.

"You see," I explained, "No one really likes being a professional gal. All these beautiful women are seeking a really rich guy to take them away from all this. Better a really rich guy with a bad heart. Anna Nicole Smith is like their goddess," said I, referring to the ex-Playmate of the Year who married a really,

sexy old man

really rich octogenarian who conveniently died quickly.

The lesson was brought forcefully home by the several young ladies who seemed captivated by my fallen chest and asthma-induced wheeze. My guests flexed their muscles, and the TV guy put on his on-camera face and voice.

"Yes, I know Steven Spielberg," he said to one lass in a deep, deep voice. It had no effect. She was more interested if I had life insurance.

All was going well, but then the mood was broken. A much older man shuffled into the bar wheeling one of those little oxygen tanks that was connected to a mask strapped to his face.

Sometimes even the very sexy cannot compete with Mr. Universe and his double wheeze.
— Jay Brodell

_________________
Pura Vida
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four
essential food groups:
alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
Alex Levine