First of all, for the record I looked it up and the plural form of uterus can be expressed as either ‘uteri’ or ‘uteruses’. So, I’m not wrong in using uteruses rather than the more correct and intelligent sounding uteri.

Here’s my pet peeve: I hate it when people semantically appropriate power to something by inferring that that object or action ‘has balls’ or ‘takes balls’. For example: “My truck kicks ass–it’s got some balls.” Or, “That’s a ballsy move.” Or the negative, “You need to ’sack up’.” Or, “You need to grow a pair.”

The appropriation of power to something by saying that it has balls–in addition to being patently sexist–is just stupid. It’s like saying that I’m cool because I have to wax my back hair. It just doesn’t make sense. Testicles are one of the weakest part of the human anatomy. Perhaps some examples would prove helpful. Here’s one for all you guys out there–and you’ll need to answer honestly here… What part of your anatomy did you cover when you played dodgeball?

Be honest. You covered your package. But, why?

You covered your ‘area’ because if you were to suffer a blow to the genital region you’d be doubled over in pain. Your testicles are tender, weak, and not well protected.

Here’s another sports example: What piece of protective wear is common to most every athlete’s wardrobe? I mean, for crying out loud not even every contact sport player protects their head–but I defy you to find a male professional athlete (excluding, perhaps, golfers and NASCAR drivers) that doesn’t wear a jockstrap. Why? Because your testicals are exceptionally weak organs.

America’s Funniest Home Videos has made millions on the weakness of testicles. I mean, really, what’s funnier than the obligatory muscle bound young father playing tee ball (pun slightly intended) with their son when in the twinkling of an eye a baseball flies into the father’s crotch. The father doubles over in pain, and the camera starts to bounce around a bit (no doubt, because Mom, the one operating the camera, is laughing at her writhing husband).

You get the idea. Testicles are fragile little beings.

Uteruses, on the other hand, are the most powerful muscular organ in the human body. This organ is amazingly flexible and it has the strength required to push something the size of a watermelon out a hole the size of a lemon (if not smaller). Now that’s friggin’ amazing.

But one thing that’s puzzled me is this: why, if testicles are so weak, should people use testicles or balls to give things power? When you think about it, it’s pretty stupid. The only thing I can figure about this is that it’s a case of semantic derogation against women. That is, what is male is good and powerful, while what is female is bad and weak. Being less than male (or minus-male) is bad.

Such a reference is clearly wrong, as I’ve demonstrated. Thus, I posit that humans should no longer use the terms ‘balls’ to relate strength to an object or a person. From now on, humans should use the term ‘uterus’ to offer strength or courage to something. Here are some examples:

“Man that car has got one hell of a uterus.”
“Stop being such a chicken–you need to grow a uterus.”
“That took uterus, man.”

You get the idea