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Blind jokes
https://forum.costaricaticas.com/viewtopic.php?f=16&t=12324		 Page 1 of 1
Author:  El Ciego [ Fri Jun 23, 2006 4:08 pm ]
Post subject:  Blind jokes
I've got this Italian friend who thinks Italian jokes are hilarious.
A few Irish friends whom I know well enjoy the odd Irish Drunk joke.
A gay friend thinks queer jokes are jutht the funniethetht thing. People who have a good sense of humor need to also have a good sense of humor about themselves. So...In this spirit of embracing self-defecating humor, here goes.

Did you hear about the blind hooker?
C'mon, you gotta hand it to her......



How to fu*k with a blind guy: Rearrange the furniture. Flatten his braille. Lean him up against a stucco wall and tell him to read it for you.


A blind guy is standing on a street corner with his dog guide when the dog suddenly lifts a hind leg and pisses all over his master's leg. Immediately the blind guy pulls a dog biscuit from his pocket, saying, "Good boy! Good boy!"
A bystander is confused by this and asks incredulously, "Are you nuts? That dog just pissed all over you!" The blind guy replies, "Sh-h-h! I'm trying to find his head, so I can kick him in the ass!"

On the tits of a hooker named Gail
Was tattooed the price of her tail,
And on her behind
For the sake of the blind
Was the same information in braille.

A blind dude applies for a job at a lumber yard. To convince the boss that he's the man for the job, the blink suggests a test.

"I can identify any lumber by smell," boasts the blind man. "If I can successfully identify three types of lumber, you hire me." Thinking it improbable that the guy will get three samples correctly, the boss agrees.

First board. Sniff. Sniff. "That's clear pine. Too easy."

Board two. Sniff. Sniff. Sniff. "That's b;lack walnut."

Now the boss is worried. After all, blind guys make bad employees, right? So he tells the job applicant to hold tight and enters his office. He tells his secretary to strip from the waist down and lie on the desk, and to stay absolutely silent.

He brings the blind guy into his offfice. Sniff. Sniff. Sniff. Sniff-ff-ff-ffffff.

The blind guy scratches his head. "Well, you may have me on this one. I can't tell if it's pu*sy willow or the shithouse door off a tuna trawler."

:lol: Got any others?
Author:  Latinoheat69 [ Fri Jun 23, 2006 4:18 pm ]
Post subject: 
Alright I'm bored today so here goes:

A blind man was traveling in his private jet when he detected something was wrong. He made his way to the cockpit and got no response from his pilot. The blind guy then found the radio and started calling the tower. "Help! Help!" The tower came back and asked, "What's the problem?" The blind guy yelled, "Help me! I'm blind... the pilot is dead, and we're flying upside down!" The tower comes back and asked, "How do you know
you're upside down?" "Because the shit is running down my back!" 8)




So this blind man walks into a bar with his seeing-eye dog.

The blind guy is led to the middle of the bar where he proceeds to take the dog by it's leash and then twirl the dog in circles above his head.

The bartender shouts, "Hey! Hey! What are you doing to that poor dog!"

The blind man calmly states," Just having a look around."
Author:  El Ciego [ Fri Jun 23, 2006 5:27 pm ]
Post subject: 
L.H.

I honestly thought that I had heard every blind joke. Thanks for the first one...I'd never heard that one before! :lol: :lol:
Author:  Hand-Solo [ Fri Jun 23, 2006 5:42 pm ]
Post subject: 
A blind man vists the state of Texas
There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said, "Wow, these seats are big!" The person next to him answered, "Everything is big in Texas."

When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit a bar. Upon arriving in the bar, he ordered a beer and got a mug placed between his hands. He exclaimed, "Wow these mugs are big!" The bartender replied, "Everything is big in Texas."

After a couple of beers, the blind man asked the bartender where the bathroom was located. The bartender replied, "Second door to the right." The blind man headed for the bathroom, but accidentally tripped over and skipped the second door. Instead, he entered the third door, which lead to the swimming pool and fell into the pool by accident.

Scared to death, the blind man started shouting, "Don't flush, don't flush!"
Author:  Californicationdude [ Fri Jun 23, 2006 7:36 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
the blink suggests a test




the 'blink'.....hahahahahahaha

not only are you a fat bastard, you're a fat, MF' ing blink.

thanks buddy, that's a new slur for me to savor.

love ya!
Author:  Latinoheat69 [ Wed Jun 28, 2006 2:06 pm ]
Post subject: 
A woman goes into a store to buy a fishing rod and reel. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the register. There is a store employee standing there with dark shades on. She says, "Excuse me sir .....can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"

He says , "Ma'am I'm blind but if you drop it on the counter I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound that it makes."
She didn't believe him, but dropped it on the counter anyway. He said "That's a 6' graphite rod with Zebco 202 reel and 10 lb. test line......It's a good all around rod and reel and it's $20.00."

She says, "That's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I think it's what I'm looking for so I'll take it" He walks behind the counter to the register. And in the meantime the woman farts. At first she is embarrassed but then realizes
that there is no way he could tell it was her ... being blind he wouldn't know that she was the only person around.

He rings up the sale and says, "That will be $25.50."
She says, "But didn't you say it was $20.00?"
He says, "Yes ma'am, the rod and reel is $20.00, the duck call is $3.00, and the catfish stink bait is $2.50!"
Author:  El Ciego [ Wed Jun 28, 2006 2:35 pm ]
Post subject: 
What did the blind guy say as he passed the fish market?

---
"Good morning, ladies."

Say, speaking of blind guys...have any of you seen Stevie Wonder's new music video?
- Neither has he.
Author:  JazzboCR [ Fri Aug 03, 2012 9:49 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Blind jokes
Here's a site that's all about blind jokes (includes most here). This link takes you right to the Helen Keller jokes on it: http://www.bestmidi.com/jokes/hk.php
Author:  El Ciego [ Fri Aug 03, 2012 10:12 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Blind jokes
JazzboCR wrote:
Here's a site that's all about blind jokes (includes most here). This link takes you right to the Helen Keller jokes on it: http://www.bestmidi.com/jokes/hk.php

Jazzbo...

Thanks for the link. And glad to see you're still alive and well on CRT. :D
Author:  Krico [ Fri Aug 03, 2012 11:04 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Blind jokes
LMAO...those are freekin hilarious
Author:  JazzboCR [ Fri Aug 03, 2012 11:32 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Blind jokes
Thanks to both complimentary Brothers--that's why I do this stuff (no, not for the compliments--for the enjoyment spread).
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