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 Post subject: Stripper Talk
PostPosted: Fri Apr 21, 2006 2:59 pm 
Masters Degree in Mongering!
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Joined: Wed Sep 03, 2003 4:09 pm
Posts: 627
Location: Panama City, Panama
Thought some of you strip clup afficionados (like me) would get a kick out of this...obviously written by a gringa stripper:

1) Hey you over there, holding that one dollar bill in your hand with a death grip and waving it around at me like it's the phucking deed to Trump Towers... what the Phuck do you want me to do, grow another pu*sy?!? It's a fuckin' dollar, put it down on the tiprail and blow my world away already.

2) You losers that come into the club for a lapdance with NO underwear or boxers and thin-ass, nylon shorts, so we slip and slide on your hard-on (which always feel like a sharpie pen ~ fine point)...Phuck you.

3) You with the thick-ass jeans, this was an impromptu visit, eh?

4) Don't pull my thong up during a dance and ask me if it felt good. IT DOES NOT FEEL GOOD.

5) Hey you, Loser, the one counting out the 20 bucks in one dollar increments, rubbing your fingers between each one to make sure you are giving me just that one dollar. Yes, you.

6) No I will not just let you "slip it in real quick" for $50 more bucks.

7) Yeah, my tits are real. As real as my affection for you.

8)If you C*m in your pants, you have to tip me an extra $100 for being a lame-ass who can C*m in their pants from a lapdance.

9) Stop asking me out. You're a smelly, fat loser and the only reason I'm smiling and cooing at you is because I want your money. Outside of the club I wouldn't even fart your way.

11) Stop bitching at me about the goddamn two drink minimum. First of all, your breath ranks (what'd you have for dinner, garlic and shit?), you're about 172 lbs. overweight, and you look like Jay Leno. More importantly: I don't give a shit.

12) Don't bitch at me about the $10 non-alchoholic beer either. Hide a bottle of Jack in your coat pocket next time like everyone else does.

13) My horniness is in direct proportion to your income.

14) No, you CAN'T SMOKE. Dumb. Ass.

15 )Boys, don't sit in the front row with your "homies" and act all engrossed in some deep conversation during a girls performance because you want to look like you're too "cool" to notice the hot, naked girl in front of you. It's a clear sign that you ain't getting any.

16) DON'T SIT IN THE FRONT ROW IF YOU ARE NOT GOING TO TIP. Fer chrissakes!!!!!!!!!!!

17) "So what do you guys do when you're on your period?" Answer: I lap dance with guys in dark pants.

18) STOP trying to grab my tits!!!!!!! That's extra.

19) SHOWER FIRST, you nasty Phuck!

20) I had a feeling you weren't going to tip me, so I took extra care to rub my lip gloss on your collar and wear extra glitter lotion and obnoxious perfume before our dance.

21) Hey cheapasses: please don't come to my work. Just stay home and jack off to "Desperate Housewives" instead. It will save us a both a lot of unpleasantry.

22) Stop asking me why I do this job and try to get all psychologically analytical on me. For the money, you moron, that's why.

23) No seriously, my real name is Sparkle.

24) NO, I will not take a dime sac for payment. I can tell it's oregano anyway you stupid mutherfucker!

25) Sorry, I don't do that. Ask the ugly girl at the bar with the black roots and overbite.

26) I can see it's your first time at a strip club. Let me explain the dynamics to you. If you want a Phuck or a blow-job, go to the ugly chicks. Hot girls don't have to do "extra services." I can give you some recommendations for a small fee.

27) It is not okay for you to bounce me on your C*ck like a baby on a knee. Not okay.

28) Stop complaining about how short the song was. It felt like the phucking maxi-single to me.

29)Yes I will Phuck you, but only for 10 grand. More if you're ugly. So basically, more.

30) DO NOT come into the club looking for a girlfriend/date. It's like me going to PETA looking for a steak.

31) Girls--what's with the pole smell? Can we do a little hygiene check? Nothing than worse than twirling around the pole and getting a whiff of stale pu*sy.

32) Girls--stop lip-syncing to the song you're dancing to on stage. Especially if you don't know all the words.

33) Girls--if your toes curl and hang over your platform shoes a la' Fred Flinstone, you need to go up a size.

34) Girls--drowning yourself in Angel perfume is just as bad if not worse than the BO you're trying to cover. Take a goddamn shower, you smell like lapdance funk.

35) Hey DJ! You suck!

36)Girls--may I suggest complete sobriety before getting tatted up? Tattoos should be meaningful, or at least semi-meaningful, or at least semi semi-meaningful. That phucking dancing llama on your ass is so lame.

37)Girls--some songs just should not be stripped to. Please. No Disney soundtracks (you know who you are, you phucking weirdo), Sade, Boys II Men, or Bjork. For the love of God, Please.

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A Costa Rica Toast:
Here's to Looking like Movie Stars, Partying like Rock Stars and phucking like PORN STARS!


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 21, 2006 3:23 pm 
PHD From Del Rey University!
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Joined: Wed Aug 27, 2003 11:26 am
Posts: 2593
Location: Medellin, Colombia
Crack me up Papi...reminds me of some of our strip club nights together 8) . I think we're due a reunion tour...if that is allowed for recent papas?


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 21, 2006 3:35 pm 
Masters Degree in Mongering!

Joined: Fri Jun 17, 2005 3:31 pm
Posts: 749
Location: Florida
Read this on best of craigslist, yes it was supposedly written by a gringa stripper.

27 Mar 2006 - sfo - Stripper Rant

craigslist has some funny shite.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Apr 28, 2006 2:21 am 
Not a Newbie I just don't post much!
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Joined: Sat Nov 12, 2005 4:34 pm
Posts: 125
GONNA HAVE TO USE IT IN MY MAGAZINES NEXT MONTH GREAT ONE!


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 28, 2006 10:12 pm 
Just Learning The Gulch!

Joined: Thu Apr 14, 2005 6:51 pm
Posts: 33
that's awesome! she sounds pissed.


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 Post subject: Re: Stripper Talk
PostPosted: Fri Aug 03, 2012 7:22 pm 
PHD From Del Rey University!
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Joined: Fri Apr 04, 2008 5:57 pm
Posts: 9518
Location: NFM--Geezers, cowpokes and the working poor--yeeha!
It sure reads like the real deal.

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"A man accustomed to hear only the echo of his own sentiments, soon bars all the common avenues of delight, and has no part in the general gratification of mankind"--Dr. Johnson
"Amen, brother"-ED


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 Post subject: Re: Stripper Talk
PostPosted: Fri Aug 03, 2012 7:34 pm 
PHD From Del Rey University!
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Joined: Tue Mar 10, 2009 10:21 pm
Posts: 3699
Location: Latina Chica Central
LMAO @ #29. Yeah, right. $200 would be much more realistic.

mh

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 Post subject: Re: Stripper Talk
PostPosted: Fri Aug 03, 2012 7:54 pm 
PHD From Del Rey University!
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Joined: Sat Dec 18, 2004 12:37 pm
Posts: 1610
Location: JAX / SJO
Real deal, OK.
But one nasty, bitter bitch.

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It is cheaper to pay now and get it over with.
It is also easier to get them to leave.


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 Post subject: Re: Stripper Talk
PostPosted: Sat Aug 04, 2012 1:19 pm 
Masters Degree in Mongering!
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Joined: Mon Nov 14, 2011 10:20 pm
Posts: 858
Location: minne snow ta
that gringa has a bad attitude and GPS...golden pu*sy syndrome...NEXT :arrow: :arrow: :arrow:

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When I was born, I was given a choice - a big pecker or a good memory.... I don't remember what I chose.


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 Post subject: Re: Stripper Talk
PostPosted: Sun Aug 05, 2012 6:59 pm 
Not a Newbie I just don't post much!

Joined: Sat Jul 31, 2010 11:40 am
Posts: 137
Thats why I don't go to strip joints, they want to cater to Bad Pitt with Donald Trumps pocket book. Which I am neither.....
Last time I went to a strip joint I got taken for 180.00 bucks....I got a private lap dance and I counld'nt tell when the song ended and when the next one started...thirty minutes worth of HIP Hop which run consecutive and have no distinction when they end she says" you owe me 180.00".
So I don't do strip joints .....total waste of money and time....IMHO...
I do get a kick of the fools that get 200 worth of dollar bills and lay them flat on their hands and shuffle them out like a deck of cards while the stripper is on stage...real idiots....


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