www.CostaRicaTicas.com

Click on the illustration to read it.

http://www.starterupsteve.com/funny/airplane.jpg

Got this message when I clicked on the link:

_________________
Pura Vida
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four
essential food groups:
alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
Alex Levine

Strange. It works for me.
Of course I started at the base URL and clicked through other pages to get there.

http://www.starterupsteve.com/
Click on the guy's photo
Click on "Funny Picture"
(Pg 1)
Click on "Airplane"

Airline Talk ll

All too rarely, airline flight crews make an effort to make the
in-flight" safety lecture" and their other announcements a bit more
entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or
reported:
On a Continental Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the
pilot said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and
will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to
enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."
******
On landing the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all your
belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's
something we'd like to have."
******
"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out
of this airplane."
******
"Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving
us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."
******
As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a
lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"
******
After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a
flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, "Please take care when
opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that,
sure as hell everything has shifted."
******
From a Southwest Airlines employee: "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX
to YYY. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle,
and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt and if you
don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public
unsupervised."
***! ***
"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend
from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your
face. If you have a small Ch*ld traveling with you, secure your mask
before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one
small
Ch*ld...pick your favorite."
******
"Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but
we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember,
nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."
******
"Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and, in the event of an
emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our
compliments."
******
"Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the
overhead area. Please place the bag over your own mouth and nose before
assisting Ch*ldren...or other adults acting like Ch*ldren."
******
"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings.
Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight
attendants. Please do not leave Ch*ldren or spouses."
******
And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Delta airlines is
pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry.
Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"
******
Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake
City: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was
quite a bump, and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you
it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't
the flight attendant's fault...it was the asphalt!"
******
Overheard o! n an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a
particularly windy and bumpy day. During the final approach, the Captain
was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the
Flight Attendant said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo.
Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the
Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"
******
Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We
ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the
terminal."
******
An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered
his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which
required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers
exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying XYZ airline." He said
that, in Light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in
the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally
everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a
cane. She said, "Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?" "Why no
Ma'am,"said the pilot. "What is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we
land or were we shot down?"
******
After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the Flight Attendant came
on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt.
Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt
against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning
bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way
through the wreckage to the terminal."
******
Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank
you folks for flying with us today. ! And, the next time you get the
insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal
tube, we hope you'll think of US Airways."
******
A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a
comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the
intercom: "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome
to Flight Number 293, non-stop from New York to Los Angeles. The
weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and
uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax -
OH, MY GOD!"

Silence followed and after a few minutes, the captain came
back on the intercom and said: "Ladies and
Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier, but while I was
talking, the flight attendant brought me a cup of coffee and spilled the
hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!" A passenger
in Coach said, "That's nothing. He should see the back of mine!"

Air Gringas

As the airliner pushed back from the gate, the flight attendant gave the passengers the usual information regarding seat belts etc.

Finally, she said, "Now sit back and enjoy your trip while your captain, Judith Campbell and crew take you safely to your destination."

Joe sitting in the 8th row thought to himself, 'Did I hear her right is the captain a woman? I think I better have a scotch and soda.' When the attendants came by with the drink cart, he said, "Did I understand you right? Is the captain a woman?"

"Yes," said the attendant, "In fact, this entire crew is female."

"My God," said Joe, "I'd better have two scotch and sodas. I don't know what to think of all those women up there in the cockpit."

"That's another thing," said the attendant, "We no longer call it the cockpit. Now it's the box office."

Aldo, Good stuff.
Thanks for the laughs.

Got to it that way. Thanks Wit.

_________________
Pura Vida
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four
essential food groups:
alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
Alex Levine

The Blond & First Class

A beautiful young blonde woman boards a plane to New York with a ticket for
the coach section. She looks at the seats in coach and then looks into the
forward cabin at the first class seats. Seeing that the first class seats
appear to be much larger and more comfortable, she moves forward to the
last empty one. The flight attendant checks her ticket and tells the woman that
her seat is in coach.

The blonde replies, ''I'm young, blonde and beautiful, and I'm going to sit
here all the way to New York.''

Flustered, the flight attendant goes to the cockpit and informs the
captain of the blonde problem. The captain goes back and tells the woman
that her assigned seat is in coach. Again, the blonde replies, ''I'm young,
blonde and beautiful, and I'm going to sit here all the way to New York.''

The captain doesn't want to cause a commotion, and so returns to the
cockpit to discuss the blonde with the co-pilot. The co-pilot says that he
has a blonde girlfriend, and that he can take care of the problem.

He then goes back and briefly whispers something into the blonde's ear.
She immediately gets up, says, ''Thank you so much.'' hugs the co-pilot,
and rushes back to her seat in the coach section. The pilot and flight
attendant, who were watching with rapt attention, together ask the co-pilot
what he had said to the woman.

He replies, ''I just told her that the first class section isn't going
to New York.''