www.CostaRicaTicas.com

Then I stormed out of the single wide fired up the 13hp Deere and started a 2 mile drive to Circle K.... the rest is history

In keeping wit the "elderly bashing" theme... LOL...

TWO OLD MEN DECIDE THEY ARE CLOSE TO THEIR LAST DAYS AND DECIDE TO HAVE A LAST NIGHT ON THE TOWN. AFTER A FEW DRINKS, THEY END UP AT THE LOCAL BROTHEL THE MADAM TAKES ONE LOOK AT THE TWO OLD GEEZERS AND WHISPERS TO HER MANAGER, "GO UP TO THE FIRST TWO BEDROOMS AND PUT AN INFLATED DOLL IN EACH BED. THESE TWO ARE SO OLD AND DRUNK, I'M NOT WASTING TWO OF MY GIRLS ON THEM. THEY WON'T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.' THE MANAGER DOES AS HE IS TOLD AND THE TWO OLD MEN GO UPSTAIRS AND TAKE CARE OF THEIR BUSINESS. AS THEY ARE WALKING HOME THE FIRST MAN SAYS, 'YOU KNOW, I THINK MY GIRL WAS DEAD!' 'DEAD?' SAYS HIS FRIEND, 'WHY DO YOU SAY THAT?' 'WELL, SHE NEVER MOVED OR MADE A SOUND ALL THE TIME I WAS LOVING HER.' HIS FRIEND SAYS, 'COULD BE WORSE I THINK MINE WAS A WITCH.' 'A WITCH ??. . WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU SAY THAT?' 'WELL, I WAS MAKING LOVE TO HER, KISSING HER ON THE NECK, AND I GAVE HER A LITTLE BITE, THEN SHE FARTED AND FLEW OUT THE WINDOW..... TOOK MY TEETH WITH HER! '

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Why settle for just one woman when you can enjoy them all?

I can just imagine Brother El Ciego trying to access Brother PR's joke--all screaming all the time. Caps Lock get stuck, did it?

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"A man accustomed to hear only the echo of his own sentiments, soon bars all the common avenues of delight, and has no part in the general gratification of mankind"--Dr. Johnson
"Amen, brother"-ED

Where's he been? Hasn't posted since august.

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Why settle for just one woman when you can enjoy them all?

I believe he did post once about how hard it was to access this new-format Board, so he kinda gave it up: viewtopic.php?f=9&t=34856

Never met him but miss his comments and wit a big bunch.

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"A man accustomed to hear only the echo of his own sentiments, soon bars all the common avenues of delight, and has no part in the general gratification of mankind"--Dr. Johnson
"Amen, brother"-ED

OK......so there was this guy, He joined the peace corp and wanted to help the world.
So he got stationed in sheep country Uzbekistan,and his first job was herding sheep on the range with the locals,after about a month the newbie is asking "what do you guys do for sex around here? The locals all kind of laughed and said " Just go get one of those sheep over there and have your way with it" The guy replied " I cant do that" and time went on..... A couple of weeks later the guy said " were you guys serious about the sheep?" and his buddy said "yeah we all do it"..........so this guy went out and had his way with one of the sheep and came back to camp.......all his campmates were laughing at him, and he said " WTF you said you all do it" and his buddy replied we all do................"BUT YOU PICKED THE UGLIEST ONE"

In re: Brother T'sportsman's fine joke--if you should find yourself deep in rural Nevada--in Basque sheep-herding territory and one of THOSE l'il darlings looks irresistible--WARNING--Do NOT shtup the ewe with a ribbon on her neck; severe repercussions might well ensue. You've been cautioned.

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"A man accustomed to hear only the echo of his own sentiments, soon bars all the common avenues of delight, and has no part in the general gratification of mankind"--Dr. Johnson
"Amen, brother"-ED

Golf Club Application



An elderly Scottish Jew has decided to take it a little easier and take up
golf. So he puts his name down at the local club.

After a week he receives a message that his application has been turned
down. So he goes down to the club to enquire why.

Secretary: You are aware that this is a Scottish golf club?

Scot: Aye but I am as Scottish as you are Jock.

Secretary: This means that on formal occasions we wear kilts.

Scot: Aye, so do I.

Secretary: You are aware that we wear nothing under our kilts?

Scot: Aye, neither do I.

Secretary: But you are a Jew?

Scot: Aye, I be that.

Secretary: So you are circumcised?

Scot: Aye, I be that too.

Secretary: I am terribly sorry, but the members just would not feel
comfortable with that.

Scot: Ach, away with ya man.

I know that you have to be a Protestant to march with the Orangemen.

And I know that you have to be a Catholic to become a Knight of Saint
Columbus .

But this is the first time I heard that you have to be a complete
prick to join a golf club.

A 54 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.

While on the operating table she had a near death experience.. Seeing God she asked "Is my time up?"

God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck.

She even had someone come in and change her hair color and brighten her teeth! Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.

After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.

Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had
another 43 years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?"


God replied: "Shit! I didn't recognize you."

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* These are the "Good Ole Days". Enjoy Them.

* RENT but, "Don't Buy a Home in Costa Rica" until you have lived here for THREE years.

Four old retired guys are walking down a street in Mesa, AZ. They turned a corner and see a sign that says, 'Old Timers Bar - all drinks 10 cents. They look at each other, and then go in, thinking this Is too good to be true.


The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, 'Come on in and let me pour one for you!

What'll it be, Gentlemen?'

There seemed to be a fully-stocked bar, so each of the men ask for a martini. In short order, the bartender Serves up four iced martinis. Shaken, not stirred, and says, 'That'll be 10 cents each, please.'

The four men stare at the bartender for a moment. Then look at each other they can't believe their good luck.

They pay the 40 cents, finish their martinis, and order another round. Again, four excellent martinis are produced with the bartender again saying, 'That's 40 cents, please.' They pay the 40 cents, but their curiosity is more than they can stand.

They have each had two martinis and so far they've spent less than a dollar.
Finally one of the men says, 'How can you afford to serve martinis as good as these for a dime a piece?'

'I'm a retired tailor from Boston ,' the bartender said, 'and I always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the Lottery for $25 million and decided to open this place. Every drink costs a dime - wine, liquor, beer, it's all the same.'

Wow!!!! That's quite a story,' says one of the men.

The four of them sipped at their martinis and couldn't help but notice seven other people at the end of the bar who didn't have drinks in front of them, and hadn't ordered anything the whole time they were there.

One man gestures at the seven at the end of the bar without drinks and asks the bartender, 'What's with them?'

The bartender says, 'Oh, they're all old retired farmers from Nebraska waiting for happy hour when drinks are half price.'

Bath Night!

A couple living in a small Minnesota town take on an 18-year-old girl as a lodger. She asked if she could have a bath but the woman of the house told her they didn't have a bathroom as such but she could use a tin bath in front of the fire.


"Monday's the best night, when my husband goes out to bowl," the woman said.


So the young girl agreed to have a bath the following Monday night.


After her husband had gone off for his bowling tournament, the woman filled the bath and watched as the girl got undressed.


She was surprised to see that the young lass didn't have any pubic hair and told her husband when he came home. He didn't believe her, so she said, "Next week, when you go off to bowl, I'll leave a little gap in the curtains so that you can see for yourself, alright?"


The following Monday night, while the girl got undressed for her bath, the wife asked her, "Do you shave down there?"


"No," replied the girl, "I've just never grown any hairs down there. Do you have hairs on yours?"


"Oh, yes," said the woman and she showed the girl her hairy muff.


After the girl had gone to bed the husband came home and the wife asked, "Did you see it?"


"Yes," he said, "but why the hell did you have to show her yours?"


"Why not?" she said, "You've seen it before."


"I know," he replied, "but the bowling team hadn't!"

Dinner Date

> A while back, when I was considerably younger, I picked up a lovely date at her parents' home.
>
> I'd scraped together some money to take her to a fancy restaurant.
>
> She ordered the most expensive items on the menu. Shrimp cocktail. Lobster. Patron. Champagne.
>
> I asked her, "Does your mother feed you like that when you eat at home?"
>
> "No," she replied. "but my mother's not expecting a blow job tonight."
>
> I said "Would you care for Baked Alaska for dessert?"

Income Tax

One day, this man, Tony, died. When he was sent to be judged, he was told that he had committed a sin, and that he could not go to heaven right away. He asked what he did and God told him that he cheated on his income taxes, and that the only way he could get into heaven would be to sleep with a 500 pound, stupid, butt-ugly woman for the next five years and enjoy it. Tony decided that this was a small price to pay for an eternity in heaven. So off he went with this enormous woman, pretending to be happy.

As he was walking along, he saw his friend Carlos up ahead. Carlos was with an even bigger, uglier woman than he was with. When he approached Carlos he asked him what was going on, and Carlos replied, "I cheated on my income taxes and scammed the government out of a lot of money...even more then you did."

They both shook their heads in understanding and figured that as long as they have to be with these women, they might as well hang out together to h! elp pass the time.

Now Tony, Carlos, and their two beastly women were walking along, minding their own business when Tony and Carlos could have sworn that they saw their friend Jon up ahead, only this man was with an absolutely drop dead gorgeous supermodel / centerfold. Stunned, Tony and Carlos approached the man and in fact it was their friend Jon. They asked him how is he with this unbelievable goddess, while they were stuck with these god-awful women.

Jon replied, "I have no idea, and I'm definitely not complaining. This has been absolutely the best time of my life (and I'm dead,) and I have five years of the best sex any man could hope for to look forward to. There is only one thing that I can't seem to understand.

After everytime we have sex, she rolls over and murmur's to herself, "Damn income taxes!"

So little Johnny has the day off from school, due to a teachers workshop day, and is driving his mother crazy. So she says "hey Johnny go across the the street there where they are building the Joneses new house and see if you can learn anything". So Johnny goes over and comes back home in a few hours and his mother says "what did you learn Johnny"? He replies "I learned how to install a door" the mother replies "very nice Johnny" he says "yeah first you put the phucking door up,but the bastard doesn't fit so you take the cocksucker down and shave a cunt hair off the bottom and put the Phucker back up". his mother is aghast at the foul language and tells him so and then says " you wait till your father gets home he's gonna beat you with a switch" Little Johnny replies "switch? Phuck you that's electricians job"

Nymphomaniac Convention

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane..

He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat .. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his..

Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, "Business trip or pleasure?"

She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America
Convention in Boston "

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs.

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"

"Lecturer," she responded. "I use information that I have learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."

"Really?" he said. "And what kind of myths are there?"

"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.

Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Jewish descent who are the best.

I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck."
Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don't even know your name.."

"Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba."

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Why settle for just one woman when you can enjoy them all?