www.CostaRicaTicas.com

I liked it. It is good enough to forward.

Hebrew Wisdom


A team of archeologists is excavating in Israel when they find a cave with the symbols of a woman, a donkey, a shovel, a fish, and a Star of David on the wall.

The head archeologist points to the first drawing. "This indicates that these people were family oriented and held women in high esteem." he says. "The donkey shows they were smart enough to use animals to till the soil. The shovel means they were able to forge tools. Even further proof of high intelligence is the fish: If famine hit the earth, they would take to the sea for food. The last symbol is the Star of David, telling us they were Hebrews."

The second archeologist shakes his head. "Hebrew is read from right to left," he explains. "It says, 'Holy Mackerel, Dig the Ass on that Chick!'"

The Super Bowl Seat


A man had 50 yard line tickets for the Super Bowl.

As he sat down, he noticed that the seat next to him was empty.

He asked the man on the other side of the empty seat whether anyone was sitting there.

"No," the man replied, "The seat is empty."

"This is incredible," said the first man.

"Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Super Bowl, the biggest sporting event in the world and not use it?"

The second man replied, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away.

This will be the first Super bowl we haven't been together since we got married in 1967."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else -- a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?"

The man shook his head. "No, they're all at the funeral."

_________________
Why settle for just one woman when you can enjoy them all?

MORE FUN!!! For Irish Drifter, Bangbang57, Lennydo and all other our more senior members:

Acronyms used by the elder set:

ATD: At The Doctor's
BFF: Best Friend Farted
BTW: Bring The Wheelchair
BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth
CBM: Covered By Medicare
...CGU: Can't get up
CGIP: Can't get IT up
CUATSC: See You At The Senior Center
DWI: Driving While Incontinent
FWB: Friend With Beta Blockers
FWIW: Forgot Where I Was
FYI: Found Your Insulin
GGPBL: Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low!
GHA: Got Heartburn Again
HGBM: Had Good Bowel Movement
IMHO: Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL: Living On Lipitor
LWO: Lawrence Welk's On
OMMR: On My Massage Recliner
OMSG: Oh My! Sorry, Gas.
PIMP: Pooped in my pants
ROFL... CGU: Rolling On The Floor Laughing... And Can't Get Up
SGGP: Sorry, Gotta Go Poop
TTYL: Talk To You Louder
WAITT: Who Am I Talking To?
WTFA: Wet The Furniture Again
WTP: Where's The Prunes?
WWNO: Walker Wheels Need Oil
GGLKI (Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In)

_________________
Why settle for just one woman when you can enjoy them all?

About Brother PR's oh-so-clever list: Getting old ain't for sissies, as he'll soon find out.

_________________
"A man accustomed to hear only the echo of his own sentiments, soon bars all the common avenues of delight, and has no part in the general gratification of mankind"--Dr. Johnson
"Amen, brother"-ED

Unfortunately, I am fairly old. Thus, I am finding the plethora of old-age jokes kind of depressive. I guess I hate to reminded of all those symptoms of old age.

Being somewhat advanced, I'll tell you this--Getting old ain't for sissies.

_________________
"A man accustomed to hear only the echo of his own sentiments, soon bars all the common avenues of delight, and has no part in the general gratification of mankind"--Dr. Johnson
"Amen, brother"-ED

Richard...what happened to Seahawk ('1')?

_________________
"In a nation ruled by swine, all pigs are upwardly mobile, and the rest of us are phucked until we can put our acts together; not necessarily to win, but mainly to keep from losing completely"...Hunter S. Thompson (RIP)

An elderly couple are attending church services... About halfway through, she writes a note and hands it to her husband. It says, "I just let out a silent fart, what do you think I should do?" He scribbles back, "Put a new battery in your hearing aid."

A gas station owner in Mississippi was trying to increase his sales. So he put up a sign that read, "Free Sex with Fill-Up." Soon a local redneck pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex. The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly he would get his free sex. The redneck guessed 8, and the proprietor said, "You were close. The number was 7. Sorry. No sex this time."
A week later, the same redneck, along with his brother, Bubba, pulled in for another fill-up.
Again he asked for his free sex. The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number. The redneck guessed 2 this time. The proprietor said, "Sorry, it was 3. You were close, but no free sex this time."



As they were driving away, the redneck said to his brother, "I think that game is rigged, and he doesn't really give away free sex."



Bubba replied, "No it ain't, Billy Ray. It ain't rigged. My wife won twice last week."

_________________
My best friend was the clock on the wall, and he turned out not to be much of a friend in the end

Cannibals

The Englishman, the French guy and the American are exploring Africa, when they're attacked by cannibals. The cannibal chief says, 'Well, we're gonna eat your flesh and use your skin for canoes. Tough luck, eh? But you can choose the way you're gonna die.'

The Englishman goes, 'May I have a revolver?'

When he ges it, he blows his brains out, saying, 'God save the queen!'

The French guy says, 'I vill take ze poison.'

He gulps it down and says, 'Vive le France!' and dies.

The American says, 'Gimme a fork!'

The chief hands him one, and the guy pokes himself all over his skin with it, and shouts, 'That's what I think of your phucking canoe!'

Why didn't the Englishman just shoot the cannibals once he had the gun?

_________________
The most dangerous adversaries are the ones that come with a smile instead of a sword

The cannibals had that game run on them before and only gave him one bullet.

_________________
"A man accustomed to hear only the echo of his own sentiments, soon bars all the common avenues of delight, and has no part in the general gratification of mankind"--Dr. Johnson
"Amen, brother"-ED

The Down Side of Cubicles:

* Being told to "Think outside the box"' when I'm in the
phucking box all day?

* Not being able to check E-mail attachments without first
seeing who is behind me.

* Fabric cubicle walls do not offer much protection from
any kind of gunfire.

* That nagging feeling that if I press the right button,
I will get a piece of cheese.

* Lack of rafters for the noose.

* My walls are too close together for my hammock to work
right.

* Women: Damned near impossible to adjust your bra or slip
without comment.

* Men: Co-workers tend to stare when you take your pants
off.

* 23 power cords, 1 outlet.

* Prison cells are not only bigger, they have beds.

* When tours come thru, I get lots of peanuts thrown at me.

* Can't slam the door when you quit and walk out.


A well-dressed guy walks into the Marine recruiting station. After a while, the brawny recruiter asks the walk-in whether he is gay. The latter says that he is. The recruiter then asks the walk-in whether he could kill a man. With a giggle, the walk-in says that he could, but that it might take several days.

When Love Fades...

Last night I was sitting on the sofa watching TV when
I heard my wife's voice from the kitchen.

"What would you like for dinner sweetie?
Chicken, Beef or Lamb?"

I said, "Thank you, let's have chicken."

She replied "You're having meatloaf, asshole.
I was talking to the cat."

_________________

Living well is the best revenge
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MwUtj_YnNoY