If a tire gets flat and you don't know how to change it, pretend your back is in spasms and lie on the road until the ambulance comes.
It's a medical fact that if you ask for directions before driving around aimlessly for less than 30 minutes, "something" will shrivel and fall off.
It's also a medical fact that going to too many chick flicks has a negative effect on your testosterone level.
If you have a Barcalounger, a TV and beer in the fridge, you are a success my friend.
Before dating a buddy's ex, you are required to as his permission and he, in return, is required to grant it.
Real men don't eat tofu.
Real men still don't eat quiche. In fact, because of them, there is no more quiche.
Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be regarded dubiously until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean.
Size matters only when it comes in TV's and engines.
It's important to have a fully equipped tool chest, even if you only know how to use the screwdriver.
Two men must never go out for brunch by themselves.
If you go clothes shopping with a friend, you're gay.
It's not gay to have a pedicure if your wife or girlfriend pays for it. If you have a facial...you're pushing it.
No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering a friend's birthday is strictly optional and slightly gay.
If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you better be referring to His beer.
If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you may Not join him.
Short of a heart attack or bleeding to death, no man shall ride on the back of another man's Harley.
Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
Thou shall not rent the movie "The English Patient."
Two buddies cannot share popcorn, no matter how large the tub. The danger of hands touching is real.
Intimate feeling should be kept to yourself. However, descriptions of intimate bodily functions should be shared generously.
It's OK to cry in front of a woman. However, if a buddy sees you cry, your hand better be caught in a vise.
The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer.
Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party is asking for trouble.
If a buddy is outnumbered, outmanned, or too drunk to fight, you must jump into the fight. (Exception : If within the last 24 hours his actions have caused you to think, "What this guy needs is a good butt whooping," then you may sit back and enjoy.
If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem.
When stumbling upon other guys watching a sports event, you may Always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach...and it's delivered by a topless supermodel...and it's free.
The most important code is:
Lo que pasa en Costa Rica, se queda en Costa Rica
What happens in CR, stays in CR (don't bring'em home)
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