Since I know you are a professional plumber, I was wondering who is going to be watching the shit factory while you are in CR?
I was wondering if you could give Paco Loco some advice on staying healthy when he is abroad? It seems on the last few trips he has been doing the booty hole burnout.
I know you see some serious supersonic sewer sauce in your line of work so I made a list, to see how many you are familiar with:
GHOST SHIT: The kind where you feel the shit come out, see shit on the toilet paper, but there is no shit in the bowl.
CLEAN SHIT: The kind where you shit it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.
WET SHIT: The kind where you wipe your ass 50 times and it still feels un-wiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your ass and your underwear so you don't ruin them with a dreadful skid mark.
SECOND WAVE SHIT: This happens when you're done shitting and you've pulled your pants up to your knees, and you realize that you have to shit some more.
POP-A-VEIN-IN-YOUR-FOREHEAD-SHIT: The kind where you strain so much to get it out that you turn purple and practically have a stroke.
LINCOLN LOG SHIT: The kind of shit that is so enormous you're afraid to flush without first breaking it into little pieces with the toilet brush.
GASSEY SHIT: It's so noisy, everyone within earshot giggles.
DRINKER SHIT: The kind of shit you have the morning after a night of drinking. Its most noticeable trait is the skid marks on the bottom of the toilet bowl after you flush.
CORN SHIT: (Self-explanatory)
GEE-I-WISH-I-COULD-SHIT-SHIT: The kind where you want to shit, but all you do is sit on the toilet cramped and farting.
SPINAL TAP SHIT: This is when it hurts so badly coming out you'd swear it was coming out sideways.
WET CHEEKS SHIT: (The Power Dump). The kind that comes out of your ass so fast, your butt cheeks get splashed with water.
LIQUID SHIT: The kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out of your ass and splashes all over the toilet bowl and at the same time chronically burns your tender poop-chute.
THE CROWD PLEASER: This shit is so intriguing in size that you must show it to someone before flushing.
CRACK FLAPPER SHIT: This shit creates it's own weather system. Your ass cheeks feel like flapping in the wind when the dump comes out.
THE ON THE CLOCK SHIT: Any shit taken at work while you are punched in. Lunch breaks do not count.
THE RITUAL SHIT: Occurs at the same time everyday (use a newspaper).
THE AFTERSHOCK SHIT: Has an odor so powerful that anyone entering the vicinity within the next 7 hours is affected.
THE GROANER: A shit so huge it can exit without vocal assistance.
THE FLOATER: Known to resurface after many flushings.
THE RANGER: Refuses to let go. It is usually necessary to engage in a rocking or bouncing motion.
THE BOMBSHELL: Comes as a complete suprise at a time that is inappropriate (ie. screwing or a root canal) and nowhere near shitting facilities.
THE SNAKE CHARMER: A long skinny shit which has managed to coil itself into a frightening position (usually harmless).
PEPPLES FROM HEAVEN: An adorable collection of small turds in a cluster, often a gift from God when you actually CAN'T shit.
SHITZOPHERENIA: Fear of shitting - can be fatal.
GIVING BIRTH THROUGH MY ASSHOLE SHIT: The size of the turd resembles a tall boy beer can. Vacuous air space remains in the rectum for some time afterwards.
"I'M GOING TO CHEW MY FOOD BETTER SHIT": When the bag of doritos you ate last night lacerates your rectum on the way out in the morning.
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