Wild Animal experts
Of all the Animal shows on the tube there is only one that I respect, it’s Jim, the guy who was Marlin Perkins side kick. Jim still goes out into the bush and photographs animals but does it at a respectful distance. Once while in Thailand some monks invited him to walk with them in a sanctuary full of grown Tigers. Jim let it be known he didn’t like doing this because he knows Tigers are unpredictable and cannot be trusted. He went in for a short minute and departed.
My Darwin Award Winners
The guys who handle wild animals and or get too close to them are idiots.
Remember this line – We’re highly trained Professionals with years of experience, please do not try this yourself.
Play with fire
>Good ole Steve Irwin, the Croc Hunter was a great example. He would get extremely close to dangerous animals, then turn away so he could pan his ham face to the camera. Never give a wild animal the idea you’re not watching or paying attention.
Come to find out Good Ole Steve wasn’t that much of a wild life mucker, the show’s producer was the brains. During one episode they told that they never ventured into the wild in search of animals. It was common everyday practice for them to take animals from the zoo Steve owned, treat them gingerly, keep them cool and full of food then pretend they had discovered the critter in its natural habitat.
They showed one clip where a very dangerous brown snake got away from Steve, shot between the legs of the supporting film crew. Quick as Lightening the Producer grabbed it and threw it back in the general vicinity of Steve. OH many stained undershorts in the crew.
Steve told how they would never waste time looking for animals, they had people doing leg work spotting and setting up encounter areas. He told how many trips were the result of contacts with local area game rangers and other experts.
We all know good ole Steve took a ray’s barb to the heart.
>Watched some morons filming elephants, they got too close. Then they got out of their vehicle.
OH blood hell, the big mama elephant is mad, Oh Blood Hell she’s charging us, quick everyone get in the jeep. Oh Bloody Hell the road is rough and we can’t go too fast least ways we’ll lose the chance of a life time in getting the close up pics of a mad charging elephant. Oh bloody Hell, she’s gaining, Oh Bloody Hell we all might get killed but these pics are so important, Oh Bloody Hell.
I think, Oh God Please give Big Mama Elephant just one burst of speed so we can see our species being thinned of the extremely stupid.
>Good Ole Jeff Corwin, fag idiot in shorts running amuck in the bush. His big thing is to pretend he’s been attacked by an unknown animal or bitten. It’s the classic “Boy crying Wolf†syndrome. Once while in a swamp he suddenly went underwater, thrashed a bit, then all was quiet. A few seconds later he bobbed up smiling and laughing. He did this many times. I always wished, just one time let it be real.
WELL, there is a God in Heaven.
Good ole Jeffy was in Cambodia at an elephant rescue site being interview by Anderson Cooper (AC 360 on CNN). Jeff is telling about the mistreatment of the elephants while standing next to one at rivers edge. He has his arm around the elephant’s trunk while gabbing away and NOT paying attention. He finally manages to get his upper arm into the elephant’s mouth. For no apparent reason and with the speed of light the elephant clamps down on good ole Jeff’s arm and thrashes him like a rag doll. WHAM, BAM Thank you Sir, May I have another, Oh how neat, I live for these moments. You screamed and cried, AC about Shit, the handler beat the elephant. Jeff had a stain in his shorts that day and the muddy river was even muddier. Oh Life IS Good.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vo4eAm64 ... re=related A you tube clip showing Jeff playing around.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3zC5gfqz ... re=related Jeff getting thrashed by elephant.
>Somebody McGee is a snake catcher, during his interview for a segment being taped in South Africa he was asked how many times he’d been bitten. That’s between Me, My Doctor and God he replied. The first snake they came across was a small sucker warming it’s self on a road just after dark. McG with all of his professionalism ran and pick it up. OH Bloody Hell I’ve been bitten he squawks and he drops the little bugger.
At the hospital he relates how this particular type of snake is one of a very few that has horizontal fangs. The fangs come out the sides of its mouth. So when McG picked it up all the little bugger did was turn its head slightly and fanged him. OH yes there is a God in Heaven,
>Austin Stevens is another jewel who handles snakes and ham pans to the cameras while doing it. He was in the desert and had a big Cobra in front of him. He does the hand waving thing to keep the bugger distracted, OH Bloody Hell, He Bit Me, Hay Guys I’ve been Bitten, Oh Bloody Hell He got Me, Guys I need to get to the Hospital, I’ve been bitten. Hay guys I need some help, guys, The cobra is getting closer and I’m hoping for a second strike but I had to settle for one good hit. The neatest part, there were multiple cameramen filming and not one of them stopped filming to help. Let the idiot go. It’s the pic of a life time that is important. I love professionals.
>There was this one guy who lived with Grizzle Bears, called himself the Grizzle Man. He did this for a couple of years and had been warned that it was very dangerous. But OH NOOOO, he loved them and He had gotten comfortable with them, He knew one old male wasn’t too keen on him being in the neighborhood and they had one close encounter that scared him. One night the Grizzly Man was Grizzle Snack. Odds are the old male just mentioned ate the guy and his girl friend that were sleeping in a tent. Yep a tent in Griz country. Play with Fire
>One guy went out on the ice in Canada to get some pics of a polar bear. He was riding in a sled being pulled by a snow mobile driven by his Inuit guide. The guide pulled up about 40 feet from a large male polar bear and stopped. The photographer said he about shit, geeze, this is too close, the bear looked directly at them. Then the guide shut off the motor which caused the bear to perk up even more. Now the photographer was scared. The guide lit up a cigarette which brought the bear to full alert. The bear came at them in a trot, the guide tried to restart the motor, NO Go, Oh Bloody Hell, the Bear has the guide, Oh Bloody Hell the guide is being eaten, OH Bloody Hell, I’m next. Then the bear stopped eating the guide and looked at the photographer, OH Bloody Hell it’s my turn, but for unexplained reasons the bear let the Inuit guide go and went back to where it was resting. The guide was able to restart the motor and they departed, with the smell of poop wafting behind them. The guide received over 100 stitches.
>4 buddies from South Africa spend their annual vacation together kayaking down the Zambezi River. The Rapids on the Zambezi are pretty good but the biggest danger comes from the large crocs and hippo clans that populate the river. Hippos are the third biggest killer in all of Africa. The Mosquito is first and people are second. The crocs are the largest fresh water variety found in Africa and they come in fourth on the human eating killing order. Well these 4 guys boast how nothing has gone wrong on any of their trips, so what’s to worry (Play with Fire comes to mind).
One of the guys, let’s call him Mo, is an airline pilot for South African Airways and he’s most boastful and manly. He likes to sleep on the ground under a mosquito net in the middle of their nightly camps. The guides have warned him not to do this as the Lions and Hyenas think any meaty substance on the ground is Food. Mo boasts, I’ve done it for years and nothing has happened, what’s to worry. Late One night a large male hyena comes into camp and grabs good ole Mo by the head and drags him into the bush. By the time the rest of the party is awake and out of their tents good ole Mo has had his head chewed on and most of the flesh from the ears up has been torn away from the skull. Mo is trying to fight off the Hyena BUT he’s losing the battle, luckily some of the guys make enough noise that the hyena lets Mo go.
Mo spends the next 6 months having reconstructive surgery which restores his upper skull sufficiently so he can return to his job as an airline pilot.
As for me, I’ll never fly South African Air, I don’t want to take a chance on getting this idiot for a pilot.
>A group of wild life guys are in a marshy bog in Africa stalking a pride of lions. It’s night time and the guys are in very small canoes plying their way through very narrow (4 ft wide) and shallow water ways looking for the lions. A few sighting with night vision glasses reassures the guys they are in the right place. Soon it dawns on the idiots that the lions they were stalking are actually stalking them. With no guns, just cameras this situation has turned, Oh Bloody Hell, we’re on their Food Chain. Oh Bloody Hell, we just might be eaten. Me, I root for the cats.
>Young Chimps are cute and cuddly but older ones are known to be aggressive and mean. This clip tells the story of Dumb and the price for being Dumb.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y5vE3VQd ... re=related>I cheer for the bulls at the Rodeo and at the Bull Fights. Once in Madrid Spain I saw a bull get one of the dudes who run up and plant the spikes in the bull’s shoulders. The crowd gasped, I cheered.
Got to go, I’m going out to see if Mother Nature has any good ones for today.
Life IS Good,
Shamas O'D
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