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Womans view........
1. First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it.
2. Extension to rule 1 - So if you get one, be grateful.
3. I don't care WHAT they did in the porn video you saw, it is not
standard practice to C*m on someone's face.
4. Extension to rule 3 - No, I DON'T have to swallow.
5. My ears are NOT handles.
6. Extension to rule 5 - do not push on the top of my head.
Last I heard, deep throat had been done. And additionally, do you really WANT puke on your dick?
7. I don't care HOW relaxed you get, it is NEVER OK to fart.
8. Having my period does not mean that it's "hummer week" - get it
through your head - I'm bloated and I feel like shit so no, I don't
feel particularly obligated to blow you just because YOU can't have
sex right now.
9. Extension to 8 - "Blue Balls" might have worked on high school
girls - if you're that desperate, go jerk off and leave me alone with
my Midol.
10. If I have to pause to remove a pubic hair from my teeth, don't
tell me I've just "wrecked it" for you.
11. Leaving me in bed while you go play video games immediately
afterwards is highly inadvisable if you would like my behavior to be
repeated in the future.
12. If you like how we do it, it's probably best not to speculate
about the origins of our talent. Just enjoy the moment and be happy
that we're good at it. See also rule
2 about gratitude.
13. No, it doesn't particularly taste good. And I don't care about the
protein content.
14. No, I will NOT do it while you watch TV.
15. When you hear your friends complain about how they don't get blow
jobs often enough, keep your mouth shut.
It is inappropriate to either sympathize or brag.
16. Just because "it's awake" when you get up does not mean I have to
"kiss it good morning."
WHAT A MAN HAS TO SAY ON THE SUBJECT
1. First of all, yes you're obligated to do it. If you don't, we will
find someone (younger, prettier and
dirtier) who will.
2. Second, swallowing a teaspoon full of cream is a hell of a lot
easier than licking a dead fish.
3. You want to talk about farting? Does the word "queef" mean anything
to you?
4. I will use your ears as I see fit. don't worry about it and be
thankful I'm not pulling your hair.
5. When you're on your period, stuffing something in your mouth is the
only way to stop you from bitching and moaning. Suck it up!
6. Speaking of which, if you are bleeding for five straight days, you
need all the fluids you can get. Trust me.
7. You bitch about the taste, but trust me when I tell you that we get
the short end of the stick in flavor country.
8. At least there is no danger of a dick bleeding in your mouth.
9. Play with the balls.
10. No matter how good you think you are at it, we've had better.
11. Caress the ass, too. We like that!
12. Make hay when the sun shines. It's "wide awake" in the morning
now, but when you get old & fat and looking for some action, I
gah-ron-tee it'll be "sound asleep."
13. If you swallow, then you don't have to worry about getting any on
your face, now will you?
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