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Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris’ cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.
If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the f*#k down.
Chuck Norris does not go hunting, Chuck Norris goes killing.
When the boogyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once visited the virgin islands. they are now the islands.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
If at first you don’t succeed, you are obviously not Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can eat a rubix cube and poop it out solved.
“Crop circles are Chuck Norris’ way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the $#@$ down.”.
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door. .
Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
Chuck Norris poops light sabers. .
Chuck Norris graduated from school with a degree in Chuck Norris
The universe is expanding. Everyone is running away from Chuck Norris..
Chuck Noriss isn't hung like a horse. Horses are hung like Chuck Norris..
The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’ fist. ..
Chuck Norris only masterbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.
Rather than being birthed like a normal Ch*ld, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths
Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old Ch*ld. Chuck roundhoused kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium.
Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
Chuck Norris has recently changed his middle name to "F*cking."
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.
God made people with asses just so Chuck Norris would have something to kick.
Chuck Norris did not "lose" his virginity. Instead, he sought it out and destroyed it with Extreme Prejudice.
Chuck Norris symbolizes the quantum theory of superposition, which says an object can be in two places or more at once. He can be in your sister and girlfriend at the same time.

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"With foxes, we must play the fox." ~ Thomas Fuller

also he phucked the librarian and a nursing student loved his hair he also goes by Pacoloco and Acup hunter

MANCRUSH...