www.CostaRicaTicas.com

Hello First Timer … or is that Newbie.

You’re not green!? … Your face has never been on a 6 X 2 1/2 piece of green paper with your house on the back nor a circular piece of silver which can fly high in the sky when it is bounced off the ass of a tight body … yet you will be looked at as money.

From the time you approach immigration in San Jose, you will see it with the 2 lines forming … one will say “residents” the other will have the cute rainforest background with frogs and butterflies in the foreground and It will say “Bienvenidos Dinero” (Welcome Money)

So don’t ever be disillusioned here … and that is not to say that everyone is Costa Rica is trying to rip you off, on the contrary, in my opinion there are many more of the morally sound then the morally bankrupt but make no mistake … on the landscape you are about to play on in a place known as “Gringo Gulch” … its about money from the time you head “gulch-ward” to the time you head back to the airport.

So as a first timer, believe most of the stories you heard and where told … believe what you have wisely researched (You did do research?) … and know that you can and will have the time of your life especially when you minimize (you can never avoid) the first timer / rookie mistakes.

Many other threads on this forum have been posted to give first timers a hand and surely they are valuable reads … especially the Dummies Guide, this is just one persons lighter side look at some things and some reinforcing reading about the things you want to be careful of as you make your way to and through this place many call Fantasy Land.

This list is by no means all inclusive as there are a zillion things we can always have an antenna up for.

You will find some of these things possibly mentioned in various ways or forms in other post, but repetition is important when pounding into a Newbies head the rights and wrongs of maneuvering through San Jose early on in their exploits. If you’re not somewhat cautious … it can feel like a minefield.

So if you have even gotten this far in reading this … you are doing the right thing … patiently trying to prepare yourself for what can or will be a trip for the ages

This is another TRAVELING’S contribution for the Newbies or First timers …

I usually start my List of 10 with some notable Honorable Mentions, but like a football coach instructed to his young linebacker … “watch out for the run left … the run right … and the run up the middle …. Oh yeah … don’t forget the short pass left … and the short pass right ….. OH Hell … watch out for everything!!!!”

That’s right … watch out for it all, but here at least 10 of them.


10 THINGS TO BE CAREFUL OF AS YOU BEGIN YOUR SAN JOSE EXPLOITS


10.. Hawkers Out Front the Del Rey – I don’t have any personal horror stories to tell, because in 8 years I never once bought anything, donated to anything, gave anything away to the miscreants out in front of the Del Rey … my communication has been either “No Gracias” ; “No”; to now simply a sideways shake of the head as I keep it moving.

Keep in mind, once you patronize these hawkers outside the Del Rey you will have not only a close unwanted friend for this trip any time your within eye view of this establishment, but for subsequent trips as well who will never forget you and invariably you will almost have to come out of character to get to leave you alone … this isn’t the type of friendship you came all the way to San Jose looking for.

Do yourself a favor … If you want a Rolex watch, work a little overtime and save for it … If you want a Cuban Cigar, Go to Cuba (or Hotel Little Havanna) … If you want your “Super Vitamins”, Go to a reputable pharmacy … If you want a cab, walk a few feet off the corner and catch one in passing …

There’s a lot of bad business just outside the door of the Del Rey … Remember , all those little trinkets and bullshit are not the reason you came to San Jose.


9.. Slots (No...not that slot) – Ahhh … this is something from out of leftfield and off the wall, but Costa Rica can be described as a mini Las Vegas by some … girls, gambling, sports book, open all night…and of course what happens in CR stays in CR (You do know that) …

While few if any come to San Jose for the gambling itself, I’ve seen very few or heard of very few getting rich off the tables and particularly the slots (better off with the sports book IMHO). But yet, playing some blackjack, rummy, roulette or poker can surely help pass the time between conquest and be entertaining if you… umm… play responsibly. Who knows … an hour or so of playing table games may cover a high end session or two or three …. Without risk of effecting your fun budget.

On the other hand … the slot machines tend to be more decoration and “for amusement purposes only” so to speak even though it is a haven for some locals and chicas who you may have just forked over cold cash to.

Go figure … and we thought they were working to feed their k*ds … LOL … the more amazing thing about that is that these chicas that covet more the one armed bandit of another kind are not very assertive for your business … choosing only to wink from their station in front of the machine waving you to come over to them and ironically by nights end they are the first to be soliciting for taxi fare because they have no money.

In being around the slot machines, ironically you never hear the wholesale “Cha-ching, Cha-ching” you would here in Vegas or that casino near you. In my humble opinion, those machines are set tighter then a Costa Rican condom. … I’m sure there are tight regulations and rules all casinos abide by on payouts (wink, wink).

Stranger still … many of the machines don’t settle up with tickets which you can yourself take to the Cashier and cash out, but require a slot machine attendant to come and cash out your machine balance so you will have to play the waiting game once you are finished playing each machine … for example, if you put in $20 and decide to take a couple of pulls and then remain with a balance of $18, you will need the attendant come by and give you paperwork to sign so she can take it to the cashier herself to get your money …. Meaning you are land locked to this machine until the transaction is complete. Oh how archaic!!! And don’t ever think you will have a slot attendant there at your beckon call or that this whole process will happen in under 5 minutes … remember the time thing in Costa Rica … your time wasted is only important to you not anyone else.

Again, we don’t go to Costa Rica to hit it big on slots or even play them, but they are there and man can’t live on babes and booze alone … or can he? LOL


8.. Gratuity Included - This is all about reading and understanding your bill and also a little knowledge.

Keep in mind when settling your restaurant bill (and bar tabs) that many restaurants and bars will have already included gratuity (likely of 10%)

Depending on how you traditionally handle tipping for service, it is up to you (obviously) to decide if you want to add more… if you’re a traditional 20% gratuity guy just add that 10% amount to the bill and your covered … or add half that amount for 15%. It’s not rocket science … or at least it shouldn’t be.

Beware… you will find how much you should tip, if at all as polarizing as any topic about San Jose.

Most newbies and a some veterans at times forget that gratuity (usually of %10) is included in their bill … and no waiter/waitress worth his grubby little fingers will volunteer that information although if you ask, they will gladly tell you.

There is no 1 figure or percentage that you should customarily tip for service although some may disagree … as it is here in the states, tipping is on an individual basis…although those who frequent San Jose a lot (or have moved down to become locals themselves) will say little or no tip past what is on the bill is better to quell the expectation.

I have seen many leave no tip (only the 10%) … I have seen others leave 15, 20 or 25% … while I have seen others oblivious to that a tip is included leave a tip based on the bill and tip (thus giving upwords of 33% of the bill as tip … LOL) … the errors of not wanting to think on vacation.

Commonly, many will simply leave the nominal change (coins and/or small bills) that are left when the waiter or waitress cashes out the check and returns.

With all this being said … just know that at a restaurant and bar … review your bill carefully and know there is a good chance the gratuity is already included. If you don’t know … ask somebody!!!


7.. Cab Drivers - Ahhh that sea of Orange. It’s not a Denver Bronco home game with Tebow at the helm, it’s the wave of cabs waiting for you as you depart from baggage claim.

For a first timer traveling alone it can be kind of intimidating, maybe it is best to have your hotel set up a “pick-up” for you until you become acclimated with the pricing scheme of the cabs (scheme is the operative word here) … sure you will pay a little more, but you will be insured peace of mind on your first trip … my last metered trip cost me just under $20; most cabbies not trying to make a big pay day off you will accept a “take it or leave it” offer of 20 although they will lead with a $25 request.

Those who sniff out that you don’t know any better … get ready for the long ride … not necessarily just in the cab. Cabbies are cabbies … whether it be in NY, Europe, or Costa Rica. Use whatever knowledge you have about taking a cab and apply it here … Know before you go. This is where doing the research helps the most.


6.. Walking at night – there are a few who will say they do it all the time; there are some who say they do it sometimes … and all of them will most likely say they never had a problem.

You do not need to be in either of these groups.

For the most part, anywhere you are thinking about walking to at night can be had with $1,000 colones ($2) or less and that would include tip. You will throughout your trip be stuck with many of the big manhole size coins from a pirates chest they call currency … keep these handy to settle cab fares.

It can be dangerous out there even one or two blocks away from ground zero so don’t be lulled to complacency for safety by the landscape of beautiful woman.

Don’t be cheap and don’t be a jackass … even if you are a tough guy and/or a speed merchant … that doesn’t stop you from being a target … it just means those with bad intentions will approach you with more clever intent and a more calculated weapon. It’s the era of everyone having cell phones and how easy is it for someone spotting you walking alone and calling ahead to a conspirator laying in wait in a side alley or a block or 2 ahead…you may never see it coming.

No, I haven’t been watching too many CSI shows, just know that anything is possible on this type of landscape. They assume you have money/valuables and lots of it … that is all the motive they need

I’m a big guy who thinks I can stuff some 5’3” Costa Rican punk in an envelope and mail him back to his mama, but that’s not the kind of challenge or excitement I want on my vacation. If your idea of entertainment and excitement is to take a late night walk or run and have your head on a swivel … have at it … know that yours is potentially the story that will be told by all the Ex-Patriots about how some gringo didn’t want to part with $2 or less in cab fare and was found in the park with bruises or worse.



5.. Scheduling Chicas - OK your life is organized and structured (…or maybe not but play along) … you are approaching this P4P thing in Costa Rica like business … fun business.

There is a good chance, going to San Jose is an escape from all that burdens you … the challenges, pressures, deadlines and drama that work and home present … and it should be .. its Fantasy Island minus the guy in the White Suit (Mr. Rourke) and his short homie (Tattoo).

You come to the airport leaving your briefcase and wife/girlfriend drama behind and focusing on some behind.

Yet there are some basic principles in business and in life that we can’t escape and bring with us … unmistakably the first (and should be) is common sense … the second is the principle that … time is money!

Let’s address the 2nd … Planning P4P events (or any event for that matter) in Costa Rica as far as time is concerned is more Doctor Appointment then Job Interview. The difference with doctor’s appointments is that at least they will invariably see you in the same day.

I once tried (foolishly) to “schedule” a day where I had a noon lunch date with tail on the side, followed by a 5:00 drinks and ass session … leading up to Dinner at 8:30 with the potential overnighter. Doable if everyone cooperated … right?

Needless to say … the Nooner (only upon reaching her by phone after noon) couldn’t show up until 3:00pm which I had to say “You got not shot at that” and decline and then she was hell bent on doing something at 9:30 that evening. The 5:00pm didn’t show up until 6:30pm (said she missed her bus) … and the potential overnight 8:30 dinner chica lost out to someone else I called up while playing the waiting game for her as she at the last minute wanted to get together at 10:30.

Of the 3 I scheduled … I did one … and she was lucky that I reconsidered as I had already moved on to pursue other options in motion … the other 2 were never rescheduled or seen again on that trip.

The moral of this story is … Tica’s historically live in a black hole of timeliness where time only rumors to exist as others see it … to meet in a hour could be 4 - 6 hours … to get together tomorrow morning could very well mean anytime tomorrow or possibly the next day … if your patient with nothing to do or she is THAT worthy of the wait … then great have a beer check out the scenery and play the waiting game … if not, always have a plan B and C.

Understand your on your vacation and as it could be most fun, comforting and relaxing to not have to set an internal or external alarm, wear a watch, clock watch and respond to a cell phone (which hopefully you locked away in the safe) … still always control what you do and how you enjoy vacation time … don’t allow some diva who is busy watching “telenovas” (soap operas) dictate how you apportion your time and invariably how your day is carved out as there is sooooo much to do in what you will find to be sooooo little time.

On your flight home, after you glowingly reflect on all your conquest, you will look back at the time and potential opportunities you blew because someone kept you at bay for potentially hours or more just being … umm … “inconsiderate” … I say “inconsiderate” in jest as there is rarely any consideration for your time and never any for your feelings about the matter.

Again, this is wholly about their disregard for time; not just specifically your time (don’t take it personal) … but any time … and the fact that your expected to pay money for such disregard.

Oh yeah, don’t expect an apology or definitely not one with any level of sincerity or care … they think the fact that they even showed up satisfies their obligation. And by the way, should she see you with your plan B or even here about it … expect to catch 7 kinds of hell … and expect her to play you like you wronged her … however newbie … don’t fret … all will be right with her world once you decide to fork over some cash to her in spite of your “misdeed” … LOL


4.. Chica Orders - OK, your trip budget isn’t unlimited, but you’re not a cheapskate either. You in your mind have your chica budget set. You meet a nice chica who is attractive and friendly enough that before you decide to take her on in, you decide to do a little GFE building by getting a “quick” nibble to eat (always a gutsy move late night as you know what a full belly can do to someone).

You place your order … lets say … chicken fingers and a coke …. She orders in Spanish and although your Spanish is poor … you know it doesn’t take more than 3 seconds to say “hamgeruesa y papas fritas” (burger & fries) for those linguistically challenged.

You see polite hand gestures to the waiter, finger pointing at the menu, small dialogue and a nod of the head by the waiter. You look across the table and you receive that big smile that bought you to this moment where you will be smacking that ass really soon. This distracts you and you get back to your goofy smiles and stares and bouts of broken Spanish and English … awww how cute.

Just as you begin to wonder how long does it take to deep fry chicken fingers … your meal arrives golden brown chicken fingers …. Mmmm …. Pass me some of that bad BBQ sauce … then her meal arrives …. Lobster tail over a bed of linguini in a crème sauce with a decoration of baby shrimp. WTF!!!

She is so excited that you would treat her to something she would never eva eva eva eva order if she had to pay for it herself … you eye up the waiter as if it is his fault for letting her go top of the menu while you led with an appetizer. He should have known better, but what does he care … “mas propina por me!!!”

Score : Chica’s: 1 - Unsuspecting Rookie: 0 or should I say Actual bill: $50 - Expected bill for snacks: $15


And the worst thing of all is that she may only take a few fork fulls of this declaring that she cant eat another morsel and ask to have it wrapped so she can take it home to (this isn’t the doggie style you anticipated)

1. Eat off later as another meal
2. Share with the k*ds or roommate
3. Share at the bar later with her girlfriend who was unable to find a sap like you and hasn’t eaten all night.

I know your Don Juan and pretty smooth with the ladies and how not smooth and a potential mood buster is it to question someone while they are ordering …. As it can happen in the states … it can happen here … remember … you’re a meal ticket to most … and you can take that literally in this case.


3.. The Quick Hitters – Some are crafty, some are clever, but many come straight up the gut and hit you hard, early and often. There are those that wont ask you what your name is or how you are doing … there first words will be simply “Let’s go” or “Baby … I give good massage, good blow job and mucho sexo”. After your first day in the gulch, you will know the routine dialogue … “what your name?”,” where you stay?”,” how long you stay?”,” how many time you been costa rica?”, “un cervaza por me?” … and on and on.

They are all business … they make no illusions of why they are here and what you are to them. Strictly a payday . You will never have the chance to remotely think you are in love or even like as this experience will be strictly devoid of any GFE and limited small talk. It’s all about playing on your lust for a pretty face and unworldly body.

There goal is to is to have you pay up front and then getting you to drop your now uninspired load as soon as possible … so they can run to the shower and be dressed before you can even get your condom off (you will be wearing a condom!) and then run back downstairs or around the corner to be back out on the circuit in search of another victim.

Don’t get caught up in the fact that she may be the finest creature you ever witnessed, if she is “gone in 60 seconds” and there is “NO” good feeling about the session then whatever you decided to pay her is gone too and the bottom-line is there was absolutely “No Bang for your Buck”.

If you just wanted a pretty face …. rent a video, open a magazine, play some pocket pool and when its done … reach in your other pocket ( with the non sticky hand) and pull out the 60 to 100 you saved… and literally realize that you made that amount in 5 minutes as that is how long she intended on being with you.

Eric Dickerson the Hall of Fame runner for the Rams and Colts was once asked … why he would run out of bounds and not show toughness fighting for the additional one or two yards … his answer was simple … “Why risk getting injured and out of the game going for 1 yard when on the very next play I can go for 60”

This is like that … sometimes you have to let those gorgeous “quick hitters” go … so you can grab one you can attempt to get a feel for who you will enjoy for the long haul.


2.. Padded bills - not sure how you prepared for this trip language wise, but a word to the wise is know as much about the basics as you can … especially the currency and its conversion. If you go to more traditional restaurants …ummm… that would not be McDonalds, KFC or Pizza Hut … you may find yourself needing the assistance of the waiter to place your order … no worries … they will do that, but always keep track of the cost and always be careful when ordering alcohol, glasses/bottles of wine as what you may anticipate to be a $20 bottle may appear on your bill as $120.

It’s easy to enjoy the fellowship you are with and let the libation take over … the establishment knows this and they know there is no harm in trying to pad the bill as potentially 4 things can happen and 3 of them are in their favor … 1. You struggle with the communication so you deal with it. 2. You are too drunk to realize the overcharge. 3. You are having such a good time you don’t give a damn as the bill is being divided anyway 4. You pick it up and challenge them on it. There is never a problem in challenging the bill if you believe it is in error; however be a little more careful from what I understand in strip clubs/bars as denial to settle your tab in their regard could lead to a visit from the establishment heavies.

Again it goes back to not trusting every bill as being accurate and understanding pricing and currency conversion … this goes for all things especially restaurants and hotels … mistakes are made all the time … all day and every day … some unintentionally … some very intentionally.



1A.. Home Alone … OK, in this case it would be Room Alone. Be careful of leaving chicas in your room alone. Invariably you will not be able to avoid this … you will have to invariably shit, shower or shave at some time and they will have unsupervised run of your domicile. Most are on the level as this is their business they are prostitutes, not thieves … but also some may unknowingly have a vice they have to feed or just may be criminal minded from the start.

The key here is to always “Chica-Proof” your room upon exiting, so as upon your return with that hottie that doesn’t have you thinking straight, you will not have exposed yourself to any great loses should your character and morality gauge have failed you and you bring back someone who cleverly wants to walk away with a little more then what was negotiated.

Coming back to your room with money and valuables laying around and making a frantic effort to look around and secure stuff is not the move … invariably in your haste to put stuff away an oversight will happen and you will be susceptible to one of bad intentions.

Chica proofing is simply securing all valuables and those things you can’t readily replace … jewelry, cash, electronics, passports, ID’s … that might be easily lifted without notice and not discovered until after the fact when the culprit is long gone.

Yes the chicas check in with their ID’s at the front desk and some of the bad ones have been black listed from certain places … and some places will even give you a “Is everything good” call if they come check out without you. This is a good thing, but it is not the ultimate safeguard … securing your valuables behind lock and key or combination is. In 98% of instances … out of sight is out of mind.

I once got “yelled” at by the overnight front desk person at the Dunn Inn because I left my room at 1:00 in the morning to head back up to the Del Mar for some late night take out eats (and to scope out the scene) leaving a favorita in my room presumably asleep.

Not a wise thing to do except for the fact that 1. We had a long history and up to that point she had not shown any signs that she couldn’t be trusted (as far as theft anyway … LOL)… but more importantly 2. I still had everything locked up and secured of value so the only thing she could walk with was some toiletries, basic snacks and if she were desperate some clothes of mine she couldn’t wear … LOL

Trinkets I can handle disappearing … the other stuff .. not so much. You don’t have to treat everyone as if they have criminal intent, but don’t be reckless and careless.

There are a million stories in the naked city of hombres having things stolen from them … some chicas are even bold enough to attempt to steal the money you were going to pay them with … and then when you cant locate it … raise hell about you trying to stiff them for payment. Hard to believe I know …

Don’t be story one million and one.



1.. Your wingman …. What do you mean … don’t trust my wingman? My wingman is the truth!!! Well the word should be more … RELY FULLY…DEPEND TOTALLY … on your wingman.

There are 2 types of wingmen … Those that know and those that don’t know … and remember any wingman worth his feathers will have your back and will sacrifice for your safety and the assurance you are having a good time, but don’t get it twisted … they are invariably down their in pursuit of azz too although it will be in a way much different then you.

The inexperienced wingman … You may decide to make your first trip to CR with a wing that is also making his first trip or is merely of a rookie status … that could be double jeopardy … refer to those who may be in the know and all that seems to be common practice through your research (You did do research?). Sure you and your rookie best bud will learn from each other’s mistakes, but the purpose here is to minimize the mistakes … not double them or compound them. To a chica out to get your cash, 2 idiots that think they know it are always better then 1.

Ahhhh… the experienced wingman …. You can’t walk side by side hanging on Superman’s cape the whole trip … sooner or later he will have to fly off alone on his own personal mission and you will be left to your own decision making and fight off the evil villains out to only separate you from your money without giving much in return.

It’s good to be walked around and given the speeches, intel and possibly have the first one or two setup for you, but sooner or later the wingman will have flown the coop for a short time or who knows … maybe a long time … yeah you’re his boy and he would never allow you to be in harm’s way, but if his long since seen favorite or something of a 36-24-36 is calling … he will sign you off to venture out into the wild alone…and by the time you can reach him for emergency advice it will be too late. Like looking into the eyes of the Tiger … if you can see his eyes, your already dead.

Invariably you may win a few one on one battles early with simple common sense (if you are not totally disoriented by the pageantry of it all), but in the contest of first timer vs seasoned puta, they will hit you hard and often and with clever conversation, promises and 36 DD’s in your face … it will be your doom if you haven’t prepared well.

Simply know, wingman does not mean personal valet for the entire trip … be equipped to go at it alone at some time, enjoy the experience and learn from your mishaps. Your wingman may not be able to prevent you from ever crashing, but he will surely be there to prevent you from crashing and burning.

In San Jose, the bumps and bruises heel quickly … the scorch marks tend to last much longer.

Enjoy your trip.

All great advice. I would briefly add, Gents keep in mind this is a "BUSINESS TRANSACTION".....not the start of a relationship. It ain't love....

Good write up... most if not all of the information is true anywhere (Thailand, Mexico, Brazil....)

well said mi amigo

What do you mean "It ain't love..."?
Just kidding....

That was a good post. One thing I must point out when it comes to tipping in restaurants and bars... In most cases, the gratuities included on the check and even any extra you may leave does not necessarily go into the pockets of the waitress, but to the owner, which he puts into the till to pay the salaries. I have seen it from Panama to Colombia to Ecuador to Curacao and is likely the case in CR as well. My ex wife worked at a Tico owned restaurant in Curacao when I met her and she first told me about it. I have since spoken to bartenders and waitresses at other establishments and have gotten the same story. This seems to be a fairly common practice down South. After that, I would give the tip directly to the server, not leave it on the table, etc.

Sent from my ADR6400L using Tapatalk

Traveller-192,

Good post and I had not thought about that or realized that this went on.

However my mother worked as a hotel housekeeper for many years here in the States and she said that it is always better to give a tip for the housekeeper directly with her or to leave it for her one or two days before your check out date. The reason for this is because the housekeeping supervisor always has a list of which rooms are due to check out on which days. They will look at this list and see which rooms check out on any given day and then they go in to "verify that the room is now vacant". What they are really doing is going in and stealing the tip that you left for the housekeeper and pocketing it for themselves.

I have always remembered how hard my mother worked for me and my two siblings and always, anywhere that I go in the world, am sure to give it directly to the housekeeper myself. They are always very grateful to you when you do this and sometimes you will find some nice little extras your last couple of nights like chocolates, flowers towels whatever that they can do.

hj

_________________
Keep your mouth closed and men will think you are stupid; Open it and remove all doubt!

Great
tip on leaving the tip a couple days early... That is something that I was not aware of....

One of the reasons (as they stated) for the close of the New Stand was that now all tips
go in and are counted in the amount the owners have to pay the EE's on the 13th month pay
along with payment of the caja taxes. Life is never that simple.

_________________
May the force be with you my CRT Jedi.

great post Traveler!

_________________
When I was born, I was given a choice - a big pecker or a good memory.... I don't remember what I chose.

Great advice. Even though I am not a newbie, I like to read the advice given. It reminds me of my mistakes.

I didn't know about the gratuity either until one of the Ticas told me while we were eating. This was my third trip too.

Which brings me to the next topic and that is every girl wants something to eat! I once sat in SL ordering food. A girl starts talking to me when my food arrived and I offered her my fries. (I don't like fries that much). It was like throwing food to the pigeons and they all run to you, I had 4 Ticas at my table in no time gobbling those fries and chatting it up with me. I didn't mind it, but still I didn't think giving fries away would bring them running. And "Chica Proofing" also means putting away the minibar tray. (I keep forgetting) Once you open the door they beeline it to that minibar and ask you if they can have the candy bar they just opened. Never fails!!!

Completely true. I spent 14 years in the hotel business, and that is standard practice. I have actually seen them (housekeeping supervisors) show up an hour early for work to raid the rooms. They take the tips, the leftover beer, etc....

_________________
Love, peace, sex, and dope. If you have lost all that, you lost all hope!

Sometimes your best Wingman will actually be a Wingwoman. These Chicas know the score that you want variety. They will set you up with their friends to help them out.