www.CostaRicaTicas.com

First off I know I should have posted this in the Rules of Engagement section but wanted everyone, including any chicas who may read this board, to be able to read it with out having to log in AND I think newbies should see it

Second, on the bullet'ed list I had to use #8 because 8 + ) would have been

I have been trying to write a post about my 5 year relationship with a tica. Actually 3 good years followed by 2 of change. It is meant to help out the new comers to mongering and what to watch out for, what to do and what not to do should they get involved with a working lady. I was hoping to use her reactions to what I did as an example of what not to do if the same thing should happen to you. Instead it became an eye opener for me.

Just some background information first.
1) She WAS NOT the first girl I had ever been with on my trips to CR.
2) She WAS NOT the only, nor the first girl I had spent more than 1 hour with while in CR.
3) She worked as an ESCORT style working girl.
4) MY CR friends did not see her in any of the usual venues for working girls; She may have been there or at other places and was not seen; OR they were doing her and did not say anything. (We are kind of a fraternity and do share to some degree.)
4A) I never asked any one I know/knew to keep tabs on her.
5) She never told me she WAS NOT working and was actually honest with me about it. Usually when we did not have contact for a while it was because she was working and most of the time I knew her schedule because she gave it to me.
6) I NEVER asked her or PAID her to stop working.
6A) I never expected her to stop working but did say that IF we were to move in together that was when I wanted her to stop working.
7) She did say she did not want to get married but did not rule it out for the future.
#8 I have never seen any pictures of her on CRT or ISG. All this means is she did not allow them to be posted. I did see pictures of her posted by the agency she worked for.
9) I was married once but it did not work out; not due to me but due to careers and our young age.

I made a promise to her that I would not give out her name and still honor that promise.

In finding the right words and getting the information together I found it was me that made most of the mistakes and I more or less drove her away from me. Yes I sent her money and paid for all of our trips including the ones with her family members. And I did get her her own phone line based out of the U.S. but I do not regret it. She was in control most of the time but made me think I was. In responding to her RFMs I was basically trying to buy her love, mostly towards the end of our relationship.

I tried to control the relationship by sometimes saying no and other times saying yes. In general I asked her what she wanted to do and then told her what I wanted to do. We worked it out most of the time. I also allowed her to go out with out me at some of the places we went. A few times we would just stay in and do nothing.

We enjoyed many trips around CR that lasted for 5 or more days. We saw and did a lot of fun stuff and just hanging around at the beach. If other members of her family were with us I usually paid for everything.

I can think of only 2 things she did that after she did them I should have called it quits but didn’t:
1) She said she would come to the states to meet my family but her work took precedent over the trip and she couldn’t make it.
2) She moved to Miami to “work” and would not allow me to come and see her. This was about 2 years ago.
Other than these couple of things she did not do anything really wrong or with out my knowledge. She never really lied to me but at the same time never told me the whole truth.

The list of what I did is quite long.

The eye opener for me was in reviewing everything I did and her responses. I would always think the worst and then act on those thoughts with out attempting to find the truth. I could not understand how a woman as nice as she was, as beautiful, with as much personality as she had/has, at least in my opinion, could be with me.

She told me that she was pregnant and it was my Ch*ld. The timing was right from when were last together, when she found out, and when the baby was born. As I thought it was mine I have been voluntarily paying Ch*ld support for the past 2 years but have only seen my son once. He does not have my last name.

Recent events have shown me that it is time to give up on her.
1) I asked her for a DNA test and her response was somewhat defensive. She agreed to it and I’ll be pursuing it.
2) I called her phone in CR and some gentleman answered.
3) She and, I am assuming, the gentleman who answered have advertisements for many different types of items on the internet. (I found these one day just by entering her phone number in a search engine.) so I am fairly confident they are living together.

Now for the critique:
The cell phone was a very bad idea. International roaming charges add up very quickly and will drain your finances. She may or may not understand roaming and will just use the phone as her own with out any concern for the cost. If you add her to your service you can view all the numbers she calls. ( Search for my posts on cell phone use in CR.)

Her RFMs were few and far between initially but after she was let go from her job they became more frequent and almost constant after the baby was born. I don’t regret sending her money, I had extra available, she needed it so I sent it. When she made the request there were no BS excuses, just she needed money. For 2008 the per capita income was about $12,000 per family with tourism/services being the primary employer at 68%.
https://www.cia.gov/library/publication ... os/CS.html

Not being able to be with her all the time and it being a long distance relationship did not help. We were not able to get to know each other as well as we could have so knowing the difference between fact and fiction and the mutual trust never really happened. Work prevented me from being there but I did go there as often as I could. This averaged out to be about 4 to 6 times a year and it was usually to the coastal areas.
When the green monster, jealousy, showed itself to me and I acted on it, this was a huge turn off for her. I wound up forcing her away.

She always said she did not want to be controlled. I allowed her her freedom and only requested honesty from her. I believe I received that to a point.

Conclusions: Call me naïve but it is the way I feel and try to conduct myself when in CR.

These working girls are as varied as any other women. I do not believe they all are as some on this board have portrayed them.

I also believe that should the right person come along for these ladies that they will be a loving, honest, and faithful partner. Whether gringo, tico or other nationality. Do not be afraid to take a chance but be extremely careful. You may be the one or you may get burned.

If you are insecure about yourself in relationships DO NOT start one with these ladies. They will see right through you and take you for everything you value.

Some of these ladies are “part timers” and “work” when they need extra money. These ladies may be worth pursuing for a real relationship. DO NOT do it if she is a full timer.

I believe that long distance relationships can work out but need to be treated totally differently. If you have any jealous bones in your body DO NOT have a long distance relationship.

If you should get involved with one of these ladies DO NOT try to get them to stop working, they won’t.
DO NOT expect that by sending them money they will stop working. Assuming she “sleeps” with only 2 people per night, works 300 days per year with time off while her friend is there, at a cien per, that is close to $60,000 per year. Ask yourself if you would pass up that kind of money based on an average salary of $12,000 per year.
Also think about the background of many of these ladies and their growing up struggling to make ends meet and then making more money than they are used to.

Control of any person / relationship is an illusion. Some like being controlled while others rebel against it and by being, or trying to over control anyone you will force them away. Figuring out the amount of control is highly subjective and is based on your knowledge of a person and their personality. IMHO relationships should be 50/50 but knowing when to pull up on the reins or loosening them is an art form I have not come close to getting right. In retrospect I was trying to control her.

Other stuff for thought:

She has and will have a special place in my heart and mind for the rest of my life. I have no regrets about our relationship and would like to be with her still. If it should happen again with another lady I will pursue a relationship with her but know I will act differently.

Say and think what you will about me and this post. I am posting it so new comers to CR and mongering can get a different perspective on relationships with these ladies. Too many of these types of posts, on this or any other board, and much of the advice posted portray ALL working ladies as money grubbing, lying thieves. I guess I have more faith in the human race than to believe this. Again, call me naïve but the part of me that believes in people will not change.

For now mongering will be best for me. I can get what I need for a while but there is no emotional attachment to make me phuck up.

Your judgment and your knowledge of yourself and whom ever you are with should guide you in what you do and how you handle life and relationships.

I am in the process of changing but also know it will be a long hard road to travel and I’ll break down every now and then.

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Patriot: Ice Road Trucking through the Bearing Sea to recovery

Patriot

WOW!!! That all I can say. Man I read your post as if it was me. you are not the only one who has had situation like that some of us even worst we just dont say any thing about it and go on living our life as if it never happen. Man you have balls brother. Love is a very difficult thing and some times when you show it. it is taken for granted. I think one day may be not now. but she will. say to her self I have Fock up and have destroy the man who truly love me. keep on going brother; if it was ment to be she will see the error or her way and come back. just keep on living. but dont wait on her. Man you brought tears to my eyes..

Peace

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"THE TRUTH IS' EVERYBODY IS GOING TO HURT YOU. YOU JUST GOTTA FIND THE ONE WORTH SUFFERING FOR"
Robert Nesta Marley

Beautiful words, brother Patriot.

If that's being "naive", then I for one will happily join you in the "naive" club.

miami "naive" heller

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mh

$12,000 a year average income for Costa Rica sounds high to me and I found nothing to support it at the link provided... I`ve seen much lower figures published.

As to the rest, I`d personally do everthing I could to avoid getting involved in a situation like you did, but yes, thank you for sharing. The info will no doubt be helpful to others whether they want to get emotionally involved with working girls or not....

I think the higher figure came from the CIA's gross domestic product per capita figure.

According to the US State Dept, Costa Rica's per capita income for 2006 was US $5,100 ($ 425 / month).

Source: http://www.state.gov/r/pa/ei/bgn/2019..htm

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mh

Thank you for the courage to write this post. I think many may benefit from what you had to say.

I agree with your assessment for the most part but want to address some specifics. You said:

The eye opener for me was in reviewing everything I did and her responses. I would always think the worst and then act on those thoughts with out attempting to find the truth. I could not understand how a woman as nice as she was, as beautiful, with as much personality as she had/has, at least in my opinion, could be with me.

So you sabotaged yourself.

Before we can enter any relationship we must have a pretty clear idea of who we are. If we feel that we are not worthy of the woman, that thought will color our actions and reactions. We make it so, a self fulfilling prophecy.

It is very likely that she felt unworthy of you. I could easily provide a long list of reasons why but the bottom line is: How confusing for her when you start acting unworthy. She needs stability to feel secure. Your feelings of diminished self worth make her doubt you as well.

Not being able to be with her all the time and it being a long distance relationship did not help. We were not able to get to know each other as well as we could have so knowing the difference between fact and fiction and the mutual trust never really happened.

Long distance relationships don't work for a number of reasons, especially when the two people involved don't have common backgrounds. The trust must come first and you have got to be with someone to establish that trust. Don't beat yourself up, you never had a chance.

Control of any person / relationship is an illusion. Some like being controlled while others rebel against it and by being, or trying to over control anyone you will force them away. Figuring out the amount of control is highly subjective and is based on your knowledge of a person and their personality. IMHO relationships should be 50/50 but knowing when to pull up on the reins or loosening them is an art form I have not come close to getting right. In retrospect I was trying to control her.

I think your confusion shows in this paragraph. We only control ourselves and that poorly. Any other "control" is an illusion.

What we can do is let her clearly understand that she makes her own choices and we make ours. If we are consistent and communicate well she will know what our choice will be and will model her behavior to fit (or not, depending).

Relationships are never 50/50. In my opinion, attempting to have such a relationship invites a running battle. No one is ever in charge so everything is a battle for 51%. Much better that there is one Captain who is stable: One who sets the course with the concurrence of the other. One who cares for the whole and defends the nest from exterior threats while the other is responsible for the interior, safe inside.

The base for such a relationship is a clearly defined persona and time to give credence to words. She hears everything you say but discounts it by at least half. She watches everything you do and gives more weight to your actions than your words. (We do the same if we are smart.)

Excellent write up. Thanks for taking the time to share and for having the courage to take the heat.

_________________
"Your love gives me such a thrill
but your love don't pay my bills,
I NEED THE MONEY!" - John Lee Hooker

Disclaimer: The above is merely the opinion of the author unless specific scientific data is included.
Your mileage may vary. https://costaricaticas.com/phpBB2/viewto ... 978#206978

Patriot, first of all, thank you for sharing your story, even if it only helps one of the lost novios around here, then it has served his purpose. Secondly as you ask for critique keep in mind that honesty is sometimes painful and sometimes will come across as being rude. Is not my intention but to try to share more light and give to the newbies as much information as we can for then to avoid the same tribulations.

From reading your post and previous ones it is clear to me that you continually broke many of the fundamentals rules of P4P and it came back to bite you. You got off somewhat unscathed but it could of have been much worse. Here are some of my critiques;



This is not even a P4P rule that you broke but a basic human interaction rule. Control a relationship? While living in the USA? Forget about it. You never had a chance on this one. Remember that is all a fantasy. Would you try to control a mirage? Same thing here.



WTF! I know you did not proofread this part. Because you knew she was always lying to you, you just accepted it. Chicas always lie, what the heck, WOMEN always lie. Our own fantasies we want to believe it but reality and logic are a bitch. Accepted, she never told you the true and be a little wiser the next time.



Cough, cough. HELLO!!!! It is call P4P. What part of P4P you do not understand? She understood it. I will assume that you have a higher educational background than her. It is a simple concept to grasp.




I applaud you for doing the right thing for the K*D. But there are a couple of red flags here. One, you paid Ch*ld support for two years without a DNA test? Did I mention you that you are my lost daddy too? I will PM you where you can send my check. Not to be crude but pretty much the same concept. Sounds nuts, right? Secondly, and I could definitely be wrong on this one but being of Hispanic heritage and knowing the importance that a fathers name is to a Ch*ld, for her not to give the Ch*ld your last name is a red herring to me.




Agree, cut your losses. There still some hope for you.


USA phone – Bad idea and you gave her one so you could spy on her. Came back to bite you. Hopefully lessons learn.



Here is where I think that you are still lost and you will still make the same mistake again. DO NOT SEND MONEY!!!! It does not matter what excuse or predicament she presents to you. Here is where I’m going to be a little brutal/honest for the sake of the newbies. Let me give you a veteran secret that most of the guys around here will not tell you.

Any RFM that you fulfill equals you subsidizing pu*sy for her novio at home, he does not have to work, or subsidizing for the few veterans that can see through the BS and get the chicas at pennies on the dollar that you are paying. So next time you feel that “I had extra available, she needed it so I sent it.” Consider it money that is paying pu*sy for someone else. If you send it to me directly I can assure you at least a Thank you note in return which is probably more that what you got from her. Nuts? That is how it comes down to.





Pac, answered perfectly. You never had a chance. One of the rules of P4P in CR, you cannot have a love relationship with a chica if you are living in the USA. This one is a never, no, impossible. The only relationship that will work in CR for any gringo living in the USA is for you to send money and she spends it. That all you can hope for and I think you find that out.



Disagree. Unless you are so desperate and clueless that you cannot start and maintain a relationship with a non-pro. Avoid this. Too many risks and bound for failure from the onset. And we need to add that you need to LIVE in CR to start a relationship.



Agree and well said.




Again disagree, see two comments above.

.


These two statements do not make any sense. I’m not a psychiatrist nor I play one on TV but I get the feeling that you are not over this. I wish you well and thank you again for sharing. I think it is the road to recovery. Good Luck.

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Hit them fast, Hit them hard and NEXT!
A good chica is like a good carpenter - No wood gets wasted!!!

Patriot,

I commend you on posting such a personal, heart-felt story. No flames here. Hopefully, it can help someone involved with a working girl, or someone who may be contemplating getting involved. We can all play Monday morning quarterback, but you did what you did, and it's over and done with. As been said before ... "this too shall pass".

I'm sure you'll learn from this situation and move on the greener pastures. I wish you the best of luck.

Pura Vida,
MG

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You ALWAYS have an option ....... "NEXT" !!!

Since I sent you a PM as you asked so I will not rehash what I said to you in that message.

I'm sure that writing this has helped you in many ways, but will it help others? Oh sure, until some hot young lady, probably hotter than any he has ever been with, starts telling him what he needs to hear. He will go from what he perceived as someone that no one wanted, to being hotter than Brad Pitt, for the first time in his life. He is now alive, he is now on fire, She wants me!!!!!! His weakness will succumb to the wily ways of the temptress. I doubt seriously that he will be thinking, yes but remember what Patriot wrote. This feeling of being on top of the world is short lived, due to the inherent nature of the mans weakness. Maybe if I just do this, she will really want me. If you have to do anything other than be the man in a relationship for the woman to want you, you are going to have a great fall. That does not mean to treat her poorly.

It matters not whether it is P4P or not, Latin, Gringa, Oriental, women will work over weakness in a man to get what they want, and then in the end dump him, when his weakness shines. You will then see her parading around with someone that you consider a real jerk, but to her he is giving her what she perceives in him, strength.

I now understand that I am only one thought away from being whatever I choose. Should I hold that thought as truth, no one can take that from me. I must be willing to give it up. For when I feel "less than" I have an immediate opportunity to change that to being the most powerful man in the world, with just one thought that takes no physical effort, and can happen in less than a second.

Today, I choose to be on top of the world, won't you join me?

Health & happiness....

Steve - Santas Bro

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It's not the size of the wand that put the rabbit in the hat, it's the magic in it!!!

Patriot,

I have read many of your well documented trials & tribulations of loving a puta. You seem like a nice a guy who treats a lady in a chivalrous manner......You also have many CRT friends...and I'm sure countless others.........

BUT.....

For your own good, someone needs to be a friend, it is time to give you a kick in the ass, and wake you up, you need to stop being such a pu*sy and get some balls. You asked for critique and I know that you are thinned skinned and defensive....but buck up, this will help........

Yes, your chica was a puta....I don't care if you call her full time, part time, pro or semi pro, they are putas, and putas are whores. That does not mean we should not treat them well, it just means know who you are in bed with. Once they have taken money for sex, they have crossed the line and they will do it again and again and again. Yes, there are exceptions, but they are few. And your chances of finding that one who will stop and be with only you are diminished since you don't live there and can't be with her all the time.

You seem to have a real problem finding any self worth in yourself. I have read your statements where you ponder why such a "woman would be with you." This shows a real lack of self confidence. Find that one thing you are great at(everyone has one), magnify by a 100x and expand on it. Walk around like you are a phucking rock star. Go to a bar and turn down women. Walk in your local bookstore like you are Brad Pitt. Go up to the hottest chick in Starbucks and say something completely off the wall and not even care about her response. Stop objectifying them so much. You wrote "I put them up on a pedestal." Get counseling even. Or a dating coach. You are in a cycle where you will keep getting walked on until you get comfortable with yourself and get some self confidence. Women just don't respect a man that just drivels all over them. Maybe a down trodden gringa might, but do you want that baggage? Women want you to be their experience, they don't want to be the experience. You have to act like you are the best thing going and you can care less if she walks. You have to act like wherever you are is the coolest place to be, and what you do is interesting and exciting. Act nonchalant. It sounds crazy but that is what they want. And you don't have to be a dick about it either. Listen, I am no Don Juan, I am a fat guy and have no problems scoring. I travel on business often so I typically go out by myself which puts me at a disadvantage. But usually in any town I will score and even have a few women around me. I don't care about rejection or their opinions of me. I walk in any place like I am a wolf ready for a feast and they respond to it. I act like that guy. Well, I, too, am the nice guy but I always keep my knowledge of the game in check.

Jealousy.....you are a jealous maniac. Stop it! Women,even gringas hate insecure men. Latinas, forget about it. They want a man. You need to be in the power position with them. They want to be the one fawning all over you, not the other way around. I was once that overly jealous guy in my twenties. And I ruined relationships(even the love of my life over it.). I find men are overly jealous for 2 reasons:

1. They are doing the things they worry about their partner doing. Yeah, I cheated on my exes all the time so I always thought they would be too.

2. Lack of self worth and insecurity. May even hark back to Ch*ld hood or parental relationships.

Again, don't be jealous anymore and jus act like you don't care, even if it requires an Oscar performance. Make her truly believe, without saying it, that she is the lucky one and it would be her loss. Try it. Life is so much easier when you escape that prison of jealousy. Women love self confident men no matter how they look.

Someone wrote, "she may see the error in her ways and regret it." No way, she is a Tica. Ticas have a whole mindset unlike any women I've ever met. Of any nationality. Women don't make sense. Ticas are just plain loons. Their ration can't be rationalized. She will never regret how she treated you....they are not wired that way.

The K*D....you wrote that you love him. And you wrote that you have only seen him once; If you loved this K*D, thought it was yours, why haven't you seen him more? Have you seen a lawyer? What are your rights? If he is yours, then you should be able to spend time with him.

If you choose, you can still be part of his life. Even if you feel connected to him and even if he is not yours. I am sure, the real Dad, if not you, flew the coop. So why wouldn't she welcome a father figure in her Ch*ld's life.


Mongering.....is it for you? I'll bet you get yourself wrapped in a similar drama unless you make some life changes. CR is not for you, find a new sand box. If you want that true love and romance and you want a spouse or real GF.....stick with gringas or head down to South America...Colombia, Peru, Ecuador, Uraguay, Bolivia, Ven. You will find the real thing there and won't get raked over the coals.


Hey bro., again I think you are a good guy and I am only being harsh for your own good and others who may learn from this saga. I wish you the best but I really think you need to free yourself of some personal demons. You are better than what you think of yourself and you need to believe it and live it. Even if you have to fool yourself at first. Hit the gym, change your clothes, succeed more at work, write a novel, paint a masterpiece, anything that will boost your sense of self.

By the way, this saga is not unlike those of all the other novios. Weren't you reading CRT all along?

The more I read these types of stories the more I realize CR is not for everybody and we really need to have your head straight and be "in the game" on our trips. Believe me, it is easy to fall down there, and I know it but I keep my wits about me and just enjoy the romance for what it is, just a really great fling on a vacation. Leave it at that and our trips and lives will be much smoother. Again, these are putas.

BUENO SUERTE! & PURA VIDA!

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Livin' & Lovin' in Key Largo....oh....And the one in The Keys, too!

Thanks ... I was moved by your insight and vulnerability ... Life sucks and life is good, depending on the day, week, or relationship ... That was really brilliant self analysis ... Thanks ...

Of all the great stuf Brother CC wrote, I was particularly struck by this:
"Women don't want to be your experience, they want to have the experience." A slight misquotation but oh..so..true. If you mix feelings of inadequacy with any woman, pro or no, you are setting yourself up for a psychic or physical "skinning"--heavy emphasis on "yourself". Want a rough analogy? A con artist can not not take a sucker. Brutal to say, but there you go. And I say this as a sucker.

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"A man accustomed to hear only the echo of his own sentiments, soon bars all the common avenues of delight, and has no part in the general gratification of mankind"--Dr. Johnson
"Amen, brother"-ED

Patriot...

Good self examination......we are all passing through the fires, and the ability you show here to rationally take stock of, and evaluate your past objectively is essential in order to move forward.... It is painful but valuable to be able to bare your soul in such a manner, but I believe ultimately rewarding.

Tenga suerte en su vida....

The only thing I can add is...become a ravenous student of the female mind...it is a fascinating and alien thing...and the closer we are to getting a handle on how it works, the better off we will be performing the dance we are naturally programmed and compelled to engage into.




Always get a kick when know -it -alls talk in absolutes!

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Why settle for just one woman when you can enjoy them all?

Another Ad Hominem idiot.

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Hit them fast, Hit them hard and NEXT!
A good chica is like a good carpenter - No wood gets wasted!!!

Patriot, thanks for posting. I can't imagine it was easy to write this stuff without letting emotions overwhelm you, especially with a baby involved.

I can't really offer any specific advice since I've never tried a long distance relationship like yours. My guess is that the baby isn't yours because like others have said, she'd have put your name on the birth certificate. But I'm often wrong

I think that posting situations like yours can be very valuable to both Newbies and Vets who might be entering into or considering similar relationships with the working chicas of Costa Rica or wherever. Stories like this won't dissuade everybody of course, but if they cause a few guys to rethink their actions then you've helped them immensely.

There is also a lot of good advice here on dealing with women in general, not just the working chicas. The partner who cares least about the relationship has more power. I'm seeing this in action right now with my two local "friends with benefits" because I'm the one who doesn't care or expect anything. They are both early 20s, so I'm 15 years older than them. I'm basically average size, looks, weight (for SoCal not Alabama) not Brad Pitt. The ground rules are simple, we have a great time when we go out (separately not duplas - the Dominicana and the Brasiliana have not met each other), and there's no stress on my part. It doesn't even cost more than the price of dinner. They usually buy the drinks... And if one of them drops out, there's a couple more I could add in to the mix. Or maybe I'll expand the line-up to three.

I'm actually surprised I fell into this. I haven't been able to travel due to the economy, and I don't want a real girlfriend. Confidence really helps with chicas everywhere and spending time in Costa Rica and similar places changed my mindset. Rather than looking at chicas as scarce commodities and thinking I'd be lucky to be with them, I now think that they would be lucky to be with me. Who'd have thought that mongering would help somebody that way?

Oh, and before I forget, knowing some Spanish helps me a lot here as well. I'm also learning some Portuguese with my Brasiliana. Not that there's a big Brasilian community here, but I do have a good tutor

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"All them women gonna make me,
teach 'em what they don't know how..." TMIB