www.CostaRicaTicas.com

How to guarantee a good mongering experience, anywhere in the Latin America

1. Wear shorts. Preferably board-style shorts with many many pockets. That way you can carry all your important things, like extra cash and jewelry. Don’t worry about how you look. It’s your vacation, be comfortable. Plus, the girls look for guys in shorts – they know you are an important gringo and have mucho dinero. Wear comfortable shirts, preferably big shirts with lots of flowers in bright colors. It's like spanish fly to the locals.

2. Speaking of cash, don’t bother with using the local currency – its funny looking and has germs. Just use $100 bills. Everyone accepts them, and everyone has plenty of change, especially taxi drivers. The girls will gladly give you change after your fiesta.

3. Support the local economy. You’ll see local vendors selling their wares in the streets. At the very least, buy a local hat. Wear it proudly. In Panama, the obvious choice is a Panama Hat. In Mexico, buy and wear a sombrero. Get the biggest, most colorful one you can. It shows respect.

4. Take a really good camera everywhere you go. Take a lot of pictures, especially upskirts when the girls aren’t looking. They like that – it makes them feel special. Wear the camera around your neck on a thin strap – it’s a status symbol in any Latin American country. Video cameras are especially cool – use the bright lights in all the bars and clubs. No one minds.

5. Wear a lot of jewelry. It makes you look important, powerful and rich – no one will dare mess with a powerful important guy like you. You project confidence everywhere you go. Wear necklaces, gold watches, gold rings, you name it. The more the better. Carry extra in those pockets in your shorts – you never know when you’ll need it.

6. Don’t waste time and money on taxis for trips under a mile. You’ll have much more fun walking because you’ll meet many, many very interesting people, and will probably make a lot of new friends. Plus, you can get really good deals on Rolexes and other fancy things. You’ll be glad you wore the shorts with all the pockets because there are too many good deals to pass up!

7. Talk really loud. People in Latin America respect power and confidence. You should project your personality at all times. Try to use Spanish all the time. Use genial, friendly sayings like ‘Date prisa que la lentitud perra’ and ‘Cómo se puede ser estúpido? No lo hacemos como la de América’ or even 'no es importa. chupa mi huevos, tengo rolex.' – it garners a lot of respect with the locals. It shows you care and are trying to blend in to their culture.

8. Speaking of Spanish, when you want to start a friendly chat with the hottie chica across the bar, here’s a simple tip: grab a napkin off the bar, and write down “Ai Mi Dios! Mi pene es en fuego!”. Have a waiter deliver it to her with a drink of her choice. Roughly translated, it means ‘Oh my god! You make me feel strong!’. In context, it works out better.

Have fun on your next trip!

Brilliant! All newbies, read and heed!

I would also add....

9. Be sure to donate to the unfortunate beggars you might encounter on the streets. Once you make a donation, their gratitude will prevent them from asking again.

10. Street prostitutes, especailly the young looking ones, give better service.

11. Everyone in Latin America understands that you're there to party hard, so be sure to blaze up/snort/bang the syringe in public. The locals, particularly the police will cheer you on.

12. Carry a map with you, stop often on the sidewalk and refer to it with a puzzled look on your face. Locals will jump to volunteer help with easily-understandable directions.

13. "Pendejo" means "friend" in Spanish. Using friendly greetings such as "pendejo" and "carepicha" will endear you to the locals.

Great list, Fusion!

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Pura Vulva! Wandering through the dark, I am El Ciego.

Great list but you missed these...

14. Don't forget that Costa Rica is a big drinking country. You are expected to consume mass quantities of alcohol. Don't worry about "performance", just take another vitamin V. If you puke, pro'lly should take another one as well.

15. The girls all love big tippers. Hand out $100 bills like they were confetti. How else are the chicas going to know you are here to have a good time?

16. Buy her lots of liquor and don't spare the good stuff. Show her you think she is top shelf by demanding the Grey Goose, Patron and Chivas. These 90lb girls can easily consume as much alcohol as you can and show no ill effects. If she seems a little sluggish, toss in a couple Jaggerbombs!

17. Don't forget your immune system! Prescription antibiotics are available over the counter. I recommend 2000mg of Cipro a day while in Costa Rica. I haven't had a pimple in weeks!

18. Always try to find the right girl the first day, then cut a deal with her for the rest of your stay. It is okay to pay upfront in this situation since she will be with you for days.

19. Don't forget to take her shopping in Escazu followed by diner at the White House. Nothing turns on a $40 hooker like a $100 bottle of wine, poured over ice.

20. If she doesn't have one, make sure you help your new novia set up her Western Union account before you leave SJO. She will also need a cell phone to call you with and a computer for email. Enjoy!

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"Your love gives me such a thrill
but your love don't pay my bills,
I NEED THE MONEY!" - John Lee Hooker

Disclaimer: The above is merely the opinion of the author unless specific scientific data is included.
Your mileage may vary. https://costaricaticas.com/phpBB2/viewto ... 978#206978

Muy gracioso. There are already plenty of guys that have learned that list pretty well.They are way ahead of the game.

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Kiltman

OK, I already have my sombrero, and my shorts. I hadn't thought about the Hawaiian shirts, but that's great advice. I'm going to stock up on jewelry in the streets (to pump money directly into the local economy).

But I do want to clarify one thing. I don't speak Spanish, and you guys have been a lot of help. The formal greeting for respectable men (like police officers) is "pendejo", and the formal greeting for ladies is "puta", right?

You guys have been great.

When you are walking down the street, in your shorts, sandels with hat, jewelry, sunglasses and cigars from the street vendors. Also make sure you hit on all the cute girls walking down the street. Remember they all want a fat old gringo.

21) Costa Rica was created for the sole purpose of providing gringos with hookers. Because of this, EVERY woman in Costa Rica is a hooker. Feel free to proposition any woman walking down the street. Even if she is with a tico, he is only her manager and really appreciates any new business she can generate.

22) The hottest girls who give the best service don't bother working in the Del Rey. They work on the streets and in the park at night. Look for the tall one's with the big hands. They give the best massages.

23) When a chica calls you for money because her mother or bebe is sick, please be kind and give it to her. Costa Rica has the highest rate of sudden illnesses among older women and Ch*ldren in the world. It is not uncommon for a girl's mother and Ch*ldren to need an opperation every other month. Also, all major medical procedures in Costa Rica cost $300 U.S.. It is the law.

24)Even though you are 3 times her age, have known her for just 2 hours, and speak no spanish while she only knows 10 words of English, if she says she loves you she means it. Chicas never lie about such important things. Latin women are not attracted to young, fit, handsome Latin men. While these men may be the symbol of sex appeal everywhere else in the world, in Costa Rica old, fat gringos are looked upon like Brad Pitt.

25) Hookers are natually monogomous and only work at the del rey because EVERY other job in the entire country has been filled. They are all looking for a nice guy who will take them away from this horrible life. If you want your chica to stop working, just send her $300 per month and she will spend all of her time at home, anxiously waiting for your return to Costa Rica.

What ever number is next...

You CAN find you next girlfriend or wife in the gulch. Some of the retards who tout success in this category will confirm this fact. They will invite you to have beers at the HDR or other regular haunts to discuss their musings and rules of engagement. Sometimes they fall off they radar screen, because they get royally screwed by their so-called novias... are ashamed and embarassed to admit it and wither away with their tails between their legs.

(PS.... this almost happened to me several years ago. I consulted the board then, and now I am fine. Pay them by the hour. Nothing more.)

Hats off... to all the successful novios!!!! Signing out from CR...

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http://TipsCostaRica.com for pratical advice on living in Costa Rica.
In order to write about life, first you must live it! - E. Hemingway.

27.

Dont' worry about all your goodies in the pockets of your pants when you take a shower alone or fall asleep after the 10 minute massage or the wild 15 minutes of sex you NEVER got from your happless gringa wife.

Your belongings are safe...ticas are raised Catholic and are honest as the day is long and would never take anything that didn't belong to them

28. Yes , you and your buddies are on the right track thinking that your next step is to move down here and open a bar.

29. If they don't understand your spanglish just repeat it louder and louder.

30) when dining, feel free to take all the napkins you want, even though napkins in CR are unusually large and one is always more than you need. and never worry about not finding any ass wipe in the spotless bathrooms you will encounter in places along calle 6.

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The difference between a Sea Story and a Fairy Tale is that a Fairy Tale starts out 'Once Upon a Time..' and a Sea Story starts out 'This is no Shit...'

(export version only, some restrictions may apply, some assembly required, not valid where the sun don't shine...

if you live in the states of Poverty, Darkness or anywhere outside of The Blessings of Civilization Trust, Inc...other rules may apply)

31) Make sure the first thing you do is employ a crackhead body guard to fend off the dangerous muggers, But be careful only pay in Crack and only dole out two rocks a day to your bodyguard. And make sure you give him your address and number in case he needs his fix

Out of all of these, this one made me laugh out loud.

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heredia porn king

FB,

These are guidelines that only will work in CR!
I do not avoid following them ANYWHERE else!
ESPECIALLY COLOMBIA,

Rainman3